Celebrity Alert!
Bernal Heights was sooooo Inside the Beltway on Tuesday night, as SF Supervisor (and amateur paparazzi) Eric Mar reports that House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi dropped in for a house call:
Democratic Leader Pelosi speaks briefly to local Democratic Party leaders at the home of David Onek and Kara Dukakis in Bernal Heights.
PHOTO: Eric Mar
OMG, did you see the thing in Rolling Stone about the fabulous new video from My Morning Jacket??
My Morning Jacket have unveiled a stimulating new video for the druggy ode “Outta My System,” featuring Zach Galifianakis as a powerful wizard in a cartoon world. “Told me not to smoke drugs, but I wouldn’t listen,” sings frontman Jim James, before he and the band enter an animated landscape worthy of a peyote trip. After landing in the psychedelic alternate reality, the musicians become cyclopses, traversing the trippy universe in a hotwired cosmic car.
Check it out:
As we all know, a freaky video “worthy of a peyote trip” can only have come from one place: The Dominion of Bernalwood. And where in Bernal Heights?
Bernal celebrity Michael Gilette writes:
Here’s something made in Bernalwood. I made all the artwork and directed the animated portion of this My Morning Jacket Video on Lundy’s Lane.
Wow! Hotness!!! Oh, and here’s the proof: Neighbor Michael gets a big honkin’ production credit at the end of the vid:
Lots more eye-popping images from the video right here.
Congratulations, Michael, and thanks for making us all slightly more glamorous.
The Olympics aren’t the only thing generating news right now in England.
Neighbor Clifton, Chief of Astronomical Research for the Bernal Aeronautics and Space Administration (BASA), reports that his awesome photo of the Transit of Venus as seen through Sutro Tower was accepted for publication in the prestigious British magazine Astronomy Now:
Clifton writes:
I submitted that photo of the Transit of Venus I took from Bernal Hill to “Astronomy Now” magazine in England. Much to my surprise, I received a copy of August edition of the magazine and a check for 10 British Pounds in the mail yesterday.
BASA is now internationally recognized!
Call it one giant leap for Bernalkind.
PHOTOS: Neighbor Clifton
The foodies over at EaterSF recently went for an all-day ride-along with Bernal’s most glamorous celebrity sushi chef, Tim Archuleta from Ichi Sushi:
7 a.m.: Archuleta arrives bright and early at Pier 45, so he can hand-pick the best fish for the day at ABS Seafood. He runs into Henry Ichinose, the owner, who gives him a walk-through, while talking price and ordering. Archuleta sees a gigantic, deep rose slab of ahi. “Ah. Fresca!” bubbles out of his mouth. “I’ll take a quarter of it,” he says. A man in full apron, boots, gloves, and a warm hat slices through the meaty, rose fish like butter.
7:15 a.m.: Next they move on to the local albacore. Tim unpacks it from ice and inspects it thoroughly. He opens up the gill flaps. “Fresca!” escapes him again. “Look at that red.” Henry explains that not everyone gets to personally select their fish, like Archuleta does. But since they’ve done business together for 15 years, he trusts him to treat his fish right.
7:30 a.m.: After Archuleta is done picking out his AAA grade uni, the old friends joke around—a lot about fish and business, and a few minutes about that one time years ago when someone got caught stealing a case of uni.
8 a.m.: Now that the early chef caught the fish (or something like that), he heads back home to nap.
Follow along for the rest of Chef Tim’s day, right here.
PHOTO: Tim Archuleta, by John Storey via SFGate
From his studio on Valencia Street in the La Lengua Autonomous Zone, artist Nikolas Weinstein and his team create beautiful, large-scale glass sculptures that pair nicely with buildings designed by some of the world’s leading architects.
Many of his pieces have been installed overseas; so many, in fact, that Nikolas Weinstein Studios has just received a glamorous Export Achievement Certificate from the US Commerce Department. Even better, a senior Commerce Department official will visit Bernal Heights next week to present the award in person. Star Sighting!
From the press release:
Nikolas Weinstein, who works out of a studio in San Francisco’s Bernal Heights, is locally known for his glass sculptures suspended from the ceiling at the Bar Agricole restaurant. Yet over 90% of his work is installed abroad. With a team of 10 people, Nikolas Weinstein Studios creates architectural-scale works for luxury hotels, commercial spaces, and private residences in places such as Hong Kong, Germany, Tokyo, and Shanghai. The studio recently completed sculptures for the lobby of Frank Gehry’s OPUS residential tower in Hong Kong, the new JW Marriott Hotel in New Delhi, and a private residence in Kuala Lumpur.
To achieve this international success, Nikolas Weinstein Studios works closely with the San Francisco office of the U.S. Commerce Department, as well as their colleagues posted in embassies around the world. This partnership has enabled the studio to enter new markets in India, Japan, and Hong Kong. In recognition of this successful collaboration U.S. Under Secretary of Commerce Francisco Sanchez will visit the studio on Monday, July 23rd to present an Export Achievement Certificate.
Congratulations to everyone at Nikolas Weinstein Studios, and thanks for making Bernalwood proud.
PHOTOS: Top, inside Nikolas Weinstein Studios, by Telstar Logistics. Below, completed NWS projects in Shanghai (above, photo by Michael Weber) and Kuala Lampur (below).
If you had asked me to describe my ultimate fantasy Bernalwood story one week ago, it would have been a celebrity Bigfoot sighting on Bernal Hill.
Well, as we all know, my wish came true last Tuesday, when Neighbor Frank did indeed photograph a genuine Bigfoot sighting on Bernal Hill.
That was cool. Yet it turns out that the only thing cooler than a Bigfoot sighting on Bernal Hill is the follow-up email I received the next day explaining what exactly Bigfoot was doing on Bernal Hill in the first place:
Neighbor Paul here (aka Paul da Plumber, on Alabama St at Precita). I love Bernalwood and I was delighted to see that Bigfoot’s escapades made the news!
The truth is out there. Bigfoot the Musical is in production. Bigfoot the Musical is a five act eco-love story musical about entropy. Scene 4 is a video segment in a live action musical play. Jesse Roadkill and Kelly Gallamore were filming scene 4 (“Bigfoot in the City”) when your photographs were taken.
Bigfoot the Musical is scheduled to appear on a traveling flotilla starting in Pittsburgh and continuing down the Ohio River. In San Francisco we plan to debut Bigfoot The Musical at Flora Grubb Gardens in mid October.
The short term goal is to get Bigfoot the Musical to Pittsburgh. In order to do that, we need to get the Kickstarter account for The Ohio River Project funded. The Kickstarter account closes Monday so any attention we could get it would be helpful.
Bigfoot would like to thank Neighbor Frank for the photograph. He`s been trying to get a sighting on Bernal for months, but until Tuesday he had not overcome his elusive nature.
Yes! You read that right. Bigfoot: The Musical. (!!!!) And even better, Bigfoot: The Musical is being produced in Bernal Heights! How glamorous! And even better still, Neighbor Paul sent us the promotional video.
So it is with great pride that Bernalwood is honored to debut the video segment from Scene 4 of Bigfoot: The Musical, in which we learn that Bigfoot spends a lot of time in Bernal Heights, and also shops locally. Bigfoot: He’s just like us!
Remember, that Kickstarter fund-drive ends today, so act now if you’d like to support the project.
Lastly, although the Bigfoot puzzle has now been solved, other local creatures remain shrouded in mystery. We now know what Bigfoot was doing in Bernal Heights. But what about the Bikini Jogger?
Like they say: The truth is out there.
Our sources at the Bernal Heights Parents Club tell us that Bernal native and Bay Area comic luminary Nato Green – whom writer Lemony Snicket has likened to “finding a shot of bourbon at your co-worker’s stupid vegan potluck” – is doing stand-up at the New Parish in Oakland at 7 and 9 tonight (and recording the performances for his first comedy album).
You can read more about Green and his roots in union organizing in this East Bay Express article; it sounds like Green could be a good antidote to all the outrage we’re feeling over the Great Bernal Dumping Epidemic. Plus, for all the moms and dads out there, rumor has it there will be jokes about being a San Francisco parent. Tickets ($12-$15) available here.
This was probably inevitable.
It’s an established fact that Bernal’s own Sutrito Tower at the top of Bernal Hill is a bit of a Sutro Tower wannabe. Whatever the much bigger, much more famous Sutro does, Sutrito Tower wants to do too.
Well, along with the Bay Bridge, the TransAmerica Building, and One Rincon, Sutro Tower is also very active as an anthropomorphized presence on Twitter… so it was only a matter of time until the social-climbing Sutrito Tower decided to create an account as well:
Yes, if you follow @Sutrito, you no longer have to wonder what our iconic tower is pondering at any given time; instead, you can follow along in realtime to know *exactly* what he/she/it is thinking — or causing you to think via his/her/its diabolical mind-control powers. For example:
More importantly, as Bernalwood as always suspected, it seems that our Sutrito Tower leads an exciting double-life, functioning as a vital telecommunications relay tower by day, and an extraterrestrial beacon for earth-bound UFOs at night:
We urge you to follow @Sutrito on Twitter, to learn more about our tower’s revealing inner dialog, and to know in advance when you might wake up to find this happening in your own back yard:
PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics
For the Bernal Dads Racing Team, all those years of experience gained while making harried grocery runs on Cortland finally came in handy. The Bernal Dads had a big endurance race in Sonoma last weekend, but it rained and rained and rained on Saturday, so the Dads donned their snorkels and took to the track despite the difficult driving conditions.
The star performer turned out to be “The Whale,” No. 245, the Dads’s battle-scarred 1984 Volvo station wagon. Like its marine mammal namesake, The Whale was extremely comfortable in the water. It was impressively stable, the brakes worked brilliantly, and the car was even kind of, sort of fast:
Meanwhile, the Dad’s other car, The Molvochero, No. 243, revealed the results of its radical weight loss program. With the rear part of the roof hastily sawed off last week, the former “Molvo” — a Mazda Miata with a Volvo station wagon shell awkwardly welded to its exterior — now resembles one of those old Ford Ranchero cars with a pick-up truck grafted on to the rear end. Hence the new name that’s almost as cumbersome and inelegant as the vehicle itself: “The Molvochero.”
Day Two was more promising, as the rain stopped and the sun attempted to make an appearance.
This video shows the Bernal Dads Molvo vs. a crappy Ford Rustang. Molvo wins!
By the end of the weekend, the Bernal Dads had put in a valiant showing: The Molvochero had fallen out of contention, but The Whale took the checkered flag in fourth place in class, and 19th overall — a pretty solid performance for a race that began with 171 cars competing. Pumped up with adrenaline and too many huffed hydrocarbons, the Bernal Dads posed for this calendar-ready team portrait at the end of the race.
The Bernal Dads brought the sexxxy, but another Bernal dad turned in an even more glamorous performance last weekend. Neighbor Alex von Wolff lives in Bernal Heights and captains The Hasselhoffs, a separate race team that divides its loyalties between Bernal and the Mission District. Driving a 1992 Toyota Paseo that’s covered from bumper-to-bumper with rave-surplus prismatic sparkly tape, the Hasselhoffs earned a victory trophy after coming in first in their competition class.
Afterward, Team Hasselhoff posed for a victory portrait, with a proud Neighbor Alex presiding atop the Paseo’s tired roof. Congratulations!
Lots and lots and lots more photos from the Bernal Dads’s weekend of motorsport madness, right here.
PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics
Poke! SFist reports that Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg was spotted in Bernal’s La Lengua Cocktail Entertainment Zone last weekend:
Dale Larson, who describes himself as an “executive coach to startup founders and leaders,” also chimes in, saying, “Just ran into Mark Zuckerberg at Dolores Park. Fabulous day, packed to the gills with skimpily clad folks getting sun!” Rumor also has it Zuckerberg was kicking it in skid row for most of the weekend, spending time at The Royal Cuckoo on Friday. He was even spotted walking on 29th Street. Exciting stuff. See, the Mission really is the new Valencia Street!
Actually, I think they meant to say Bernal is the new Brentwood.
Meanwhile, SFist has a paparazzi photo of the glamorous Mr. Zuckerberg looking completely unremarkable in Dolores Park.
PHOTO: Giggie LaRue
Reader Lynn from the Bernalwood Intelligence Agency shared three photos to document a confirmed Bikini Jogger sighting that took place on Monday evening at approximately 5 pm:
The Bikini Jogger was sighted doing several laps around Bernal Hill on Monday evening amongst hundreds of wondrous neighbors and dogs. The last picture is my husband, trying to fake like I’m actually taking the picture of him.
PHOTOS: Reader Lynn
Neighbor Jon contacted us via the Twitter yesterday with this hot news flash:
http://twitter.com/jmooallem/statuses/170213703818547200
O-M-G! HGTV’s “Curb Appeal!” Fliming on Bocana! So where are the photographs of glamourous celebrity hosts and tasty Craft Services food trucks? We asked Neighbor Jon to zap his paparazzi photos to us. He sent us this bizarre reply:
“I was phone-less!”
The Bernalwood Newsroom was stunned. Whuuuuuuut? Phoneless? In the twenty-first century? How sad. How befuddling.
Instead, Neighbor Jon sent us a “before” photo of the house that’s getting the Curb Appeal makeover. So watch that space, to see how the makeover goes down.
PHOTO: Neighbor Jon
Neighbor John introduces us to an outraged young man who tried using Bernal Heights as a long term parking lot. That didn’t go so well, so he will not be moving here anytime soon. John explains:
Had to laugh when someone forwarded your posting about the contretemps between two actual Bernal residents over long-term parking.
Over here on Eugenia, we also have no street cleaning (thank goodness), and we’ve historically attracted outsiders using our street for al fresco auto repair and airport parking. No lie, you’ll sometimes see a cab pull up to a long-parked car and drop off someone with a rollie bag…
Several months ago, we had a car filled with stuff that didn’t move for a week or two. We thought it was abandoned (which happens every now and then), someone called it in, DPT started posting warnings. The warnings elapsed and the car was towed away.
Next thing, the street — cars, mailboxes — was plastered with the attached communication from the outraged non-resident parker….
So many things to like about this guy’s letter — not the least of which is the threat of social media PR suicide (“you have… forever marked San Franciscans as snobby, me-first people in the eyes of my thousands of blog and internet followers…”) We thought about warning the chamber of commerce and tourism board that this was coming.
But after reading the note a couple of times, I had to scratch my head over “Peter” and his decision to forever cross SF off his list of potential new homes. Entitlement; indiginant, unapologetic disregard for the rules; self-righteous sense of victimization? I kinda think Pete might fit right in…
So with that as our introduction, let us now savor and appreciate Peter’s cri de coeur:
PHOTO: Top, Telstar Logistics
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