Jasmine Tea House Shuts Down, Business Put Up For Sale

/ Todd_Lappin / 22 Comments

Jasmine Tea House

Quietly, and without explanation, the venerable Jasmine Tea House on Mission Street has shut down and the windows are covered with newspaper. Ex-POTUS Bill Clinton used to love the place:

DSC_9901

From November, 2002:

Bill Clinton wasn’t going to fall victim to famine. In his room in the Fairmont Hotel, the former president had an aide call the Jasmine Tea House in the Mission for dinner one day and lunch two days later.

Owner Frank Xu, who got the first call, told TIC that when he was asked “Do you deliver to the Fairmont Hotel?” he refused, saying it was too far, “an hour round trip.” When he was asked if he’d do it for an ex-president, he changed his mind, although he was sure at first the call was a prank.

Xu, who came from China to the United States in 1986, owns the restaurant (with a few partners), voted for Clinton and delivered the meal personally. He was so surprised when he found Clinton waiting for the food in the presidential suite that he didn’t get to take a picture when the former president quickly shook his hand and accept the food. He returned a day after he delivered the second meal to take a snapshot and gave Clinton an antique Chinese teapot, a gift no doubt appreciated but not as much as the meals.

As to the menu, the president ate crispy beef, not spicy, and soup with fried wonton; his security guards were partial to the sesame chicken.

(Clinton Question: Is “crispy beef, not spicy” code for something smutty?)

Anyhow, Jasmine’s closure seems sudden, as the presence of some recent posters  (“Run Ed, Run!”) in the windows suggest ongoing civic engagement and vitality. Rumor on the street was that Jasmine had shut down for a remodel, but there’s no explanatory sign on the door to tell what’s up.

Yet a posting on Craigslist confirms the business is for sale:

Fully Equipped Restaurant For Sale. – $120000 (bernal heights)

Date: 2011-08-18, 12:52PM PDT
Reply to: sale-bkj6g-2553787728@craigslist.org

Fully Equipped Restaurant For Sale.

LOCATION : 3253 MISSION STREET Cross St: 29th Street – Lots of Foot Traffic

FEATURES : 1,500 SQ FEET — WELL ESTABLISHED RESTUARANT

LEASE : $3,200.00 PER MONTH (APPX.)

TERM : NEGOTIABLE

UPDATE: I put in a call to the realtors listed in the Jasmine Tea House post on Craigslist this morning, and they confirmed that the restaurant is permanently closed and the owners have put the business up for sale. So it goes.

PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics

Creepy Pentagram Triggers Mirth, Media Frenzy, and Tales of Animal Sacrifice (Pretty Much in That Order)

/ Todd_Lappin / 9 Comments

After Bernalwood (ahem!) broke the story last week about a creepy pentagram found on Bernal Hill that was still dripping with unholy ritualistic ooze, a rather predictable media frenzy ensued. The SFWeekly picked up on the story, suggesting it may have something to do with practices associated with the Santeria religion (although, apparently, Santarians aren’t into pentagrams). Then KTVU sent over a talking head to do a video segment on the incident, spicing it up with tales of animal sacrifice and concerns about pet safety:

Those who first spotted it Wednesday morning told KTVU they came across something even more eerie than just the painted symbol.

“A cross with pure blood there and black candles at each of the ends of the cross,” said Beatrice, a Bernal Heights resident. “And there was a bird, it was dead and full of blood too.”

Two longtime dog walkers told KTVU they believe the park has long been a site for animal sacrifice with cat and chicken parts occasionally dug up by dogs.

“They find goat heads and birds, mostly birds and rabbits and things like that,” said Michael Murphy, a dog walker. “The dogs dig them up because they bury them, they wrap them up in cloths or whatever.”

Murphy said he’s even found the severed heads of squirrels and pigeons left hanging in trees.

San Francisco Recreation and Parks officials said they were shocked to hear about the pentagram and said it’s unclear whether this has occurred before.

Dog walkers said the unusual activities at the park, high above the city, puts other animals at risk.

KTVU won’t let us embed their video, but you can watch it here.

Absent any more tangible facts, however, it’s only a matter of time until someone claims they have been turned into a newt. In the meantime, you can rest easy, because Park and Rec has covered over the pentagram with a thick coat of Satan-sealant paint:

Pentagone

And Reader Jay wonders:

Did their summoning ritual succeed? Does some cloven-foot demon now stalk Bernalwood? Will he dress in vintage clothing? Be spotted at a garage sale? Feast on the denizens of La Lengua before returning to Hades?

Of course, when that happens, we’ll send over our own satellite truck to investigate.

Bernalwood Action News

“Reporting live from Bernal Heights, this is Bernalwood Action News!”

PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics

Last Night I Visited the Silver Crest Bar

/ Todd_Lappin / 7 Comments

Silver Crest

Silver Crest

Silver Crest

Hoo boy. Last night I gathered with a bunch of fellas for a hearty dinner at The (New) Old Clam House. The gents loved the food, and the drink flowed freely, but when dinner was done, one of our men looked across Bayshore at the shimmering neon martini glass floating above the Silver Crest. “Anyone up for just one more?” he asked.

And so we went. Yes, we entered the mysterious Silver Crest!

Inside we found four or five regulars hunched over the bar, a pool table, a battered jukebox, and a strong smell of cleaning agents permeating the air. A few of the regulars looked pretty buzzed, but they warmed to us soon enough. One of my friends took to the jukebox, where he found a collection of singles dominated by hits from the 1980s. (His first selection: “Miami Vice Theme.”)

Silver Crest

The pool table costs only $0.25 a game, and the drinks poured by George, the owner, were generous and stiff. Eventually, and inevitably, George began cheerfully pouring glasses of Ouzo, which were used to wash down several large donuts procured from the diner side of the joint.

It was a surreal and otherworldly experience, in a Quentin Tarantino sort of way, and a very good time was had by all. One of our number was heard to say, “The Silver Crest is AWESOME!” I’m not sure I’d go quite that far, but it was very fun. Plus, we’ve now notched one-half of the Silver Crest experience: Late night. Still to come is a daytime/breakfast excursion, but we’lll try to organize that soon with the Bernalwood Explorer’s Club.

In the meantime, though, I heartily recommend this excellent profile of the Silver Crest written in 2009 by Bernal Heights writer Chris Colin.

PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics

UPS Drops Trash Bomb on Bernal Street

/ Todd_Lappin / 18 Comments

Reader Troy came home this week to find that UPS had dropped off a battered package on his front doorstep, near Paul Revere School. The item in the box was a family heirloom, and it was very badly damaged. That was a big bummer, but even worse, the torn box then spewed foam packing chips all over the block. UPS promised to clean up the mess, but it hasn’t happened:

On Monday, UPS dropped off a package at my home on the South Slope of Bernal Heights. Sadly the package arrived quite damaged, with a softball sized hole in the side. A side effect of the hole, the “popcorn” packing materials started to blow down the street, and into the Paul Revere schoolyard. I tried to clean as much up as I could but the wind really started to carry it away (see video).

I called UPS who started to pass me around from the HQ to the distribution center to the local store. The woman at the local store apologized and said she would both come out to Bernal to look and clean it up but also talk to the principle of Paul Revere. I asked her to do some by EOD Monday and mentioned I would follow up with the school later this week. I called the school this morning and the secretary said no one from UPS had called.

In my response to the Claims Department at UPS I asked them to advise me of their next steps are with making right the mess they left in our neighborhood. I mentioned that we have families and kids here and take pride in our community. If UPS is going to do business here, they exercise the same respect.

UPDATE: UPS responds:

Now let’s see if they follow through…

PHOTO: Reader Troy

Satanists Conduct Unholy Ritual on Bernal Hill!

/ Todd_Lappin / 34 Comments

When Agent Amy from the BIA went for a walk on Bernal Hill late yesterday afternoon, she discovered fresh evidence of unholy activities by Satanists in our midst. She says:

I saw this brand-spanking new pentagram at the top of Bernal Hill. The paint’s still wet! In the center there’s a red paper goat, but also charred goo and drip marks suggesting some mysterious satanic gore. At the points of the pentagram are playing cards and melted black candles.

And leading away from the pentagram, the cloven hoof-prints of Lucifer himself? Also in photo: An innocent three-year old, for scale.

Yikes. Frankly, I have no idea what to make of this.

Also, I admit that as soon as I saw Agent Amy’s photos of the pentagram, I pictured that old album cover by Rush, and “Tom Sawyer” began playing in my head. But that may just be a generational thing…

PHOTOS: Agent Amy

Celebrate Secession Art & Design’s Fourth Anniversary, Friday

/ Todd_Lappin

Secession Art & Design is located on Mission Street, right across from our Taoist Safeway, and I love stopping in there during grocery runs to check out their current shows. When possible, I also enjoy giving them some of my money, because Secession always always has very cool, locally made stuff. So it is indeed cause for celebration that on Friday night, August 19, Secession is having a Fourth Anniversary Party from 6:30 to 9:30. Here are the deets:

Secession Art & Design took over 3361 Mission Street, nestled between Abner’s Barber Shop and Smoke N Talk, in 2007 with the dream of creating a space to house a rotating collection of independent art & design. We wanted a store that could be home to a mix of medias co-existing. The neighborhood is a living, breathing work of art. Four years in one location has taught us so much about human nature, working together, and community. Our hood has taught us to dream big, build a career, and support everyone in our path. Community is about sharing resources!

Last year, we expanded our wall space to The Front Porch, 65a 29th Street, a five-minute walk from the gallery. Art from our gallery is now the backdrop to fantastic southern-inspired food. A tasty inspiration! Happy 5th Anniversary to The Front Porch on August 21! The Southern Mission has opened so many doors, and we appreciate all that our neighborhood has offered! Secession is excited to announce the celebration of extending our lease three more years! Please join us on Friday to celebrate our independent art & design community.

Your Monthly SFPD Crime Summary: Put Your F*&^%$ing Phone Away!

/ Todd_Lappin / 7 Comments

Once again, Reader Sarah attended the monthly Captain’s Meeting at the SFPD’s Ingleside Station (so you didn’t have to). And once again, the notes she shared with us are invaluable. By all means, do read the whole thing. But if you can’t, just remember: The one who gets mugged is often the one who waves a smartphone around while walking down the street.

Now, on to Reader Sarah’s full report…

Summary of Ingleside Community Meeting, 8/16/11

Captain Mahoney led the meeting this month. He reported that the National Night Out barbecue on August 2 was a major success. He then shared the district’s crime statistics for the period July 16 to August 15. The top-line message is that most crime is down this year, in some cases significantly. The exceptions are auto thefts and auto burglaries.

Here are the detailed crime statistics:

Date Ranges:
Monthly = July 16 to August 16
YTD = Jan1 2011 to August 16, 2011

Aggravated Assault:
Monthly–23 Incidents – down 18% from last month / down 34% YTD–13 monthly arrests

Robbery
Monthly–31 Incidents – down 11% from last month / up 5% YTD–6 monthly arrests

Sexual Assault
Monthly–0 Incidents – down 13% YTD

Burglary
Monthly–35 Incidents – down 19% from last month / down 13% YTD–2 monthly arrests

Auto Theft
Monthly–25 Incidents – down 14% from last month / down 8% YTD–6 monthly arrests

Burglary-Theft From Vehicle
Monthly–34 Incidents – down 28% from last month / up 12% YTD

Regarding crime trends, street robberies continue to be the main problem, with at least one occurring almost every day in the district. In almost all cases, the victim has a phone, iPad, or other electronic device that the thief is targeting. Moreover, there is a typical victim profile: someone walking alone on a side street, talking or emailing on his/her phone or with white earbuds in his/her ears. These occur at all different times of the day.

The captain has been deploying decoy potential victims (such as people talking on their phones while walking alone), decoy cars (with “attractive” items on the seat – e.g., laptop case, GPS), and a decoy Trek bike. A decoy car at Mission and Kingston successfully attracted a burglar, who was arrested.

He is also focusing on traffic enforcement. The city put out a list of vehicle/pedestrian “hot zones” where accidents with injuries frequently occur. There are three of these in the Ingleside District – (1) Geneva/Mission, (2) Ocean/San Jose, and (3) Mission/Cortland. He has deployed motorcycle officers to watch these intersections and issue citations. He is also still working on his distracted-driving campaign (having officers ticket drivers who are texting or talking on their phones without a hands-free device) and is also placing officers near SFUSD schools to send the message that school is back in session and drivers need to be careful.

A member of the community asked about putting a caution sign or lights up at the Alemany/San Bruno intersection because pedestrians often decide to cross there, even though there is no crosswalk and traffic is coming around a curve at about 40mph. I checked out this intersection on my way to work today and must say that this intersection does indeed seem like a car/pedestrian catastrophe waiting to happen. The captain said that the city is trying to identify problem intersections proactively (in addition to the “hot zones” mentioned earlier, which are based on historical data).

A battalion chief from the Fire Department was also in attendance, and he said there have been quite a few fires lately, and that smoking has been a frequent cause of the fires (usually someone falling asleep while smoking).

Thanks so so much for this, Reader Sarah!

PHOTO: Telstar Logistics

Neighbor Aretha Needs an Affordable Room to Rent

/ Todd_Lappin / 11 Comments

I came home last night to find a handwritten envelope waiting for me on my front doorstep.

Inside was a note from Neighbor Aretha, who says she’s lived here for 20+ years. She has to move, but she wants to stay in Bernal Heights, so she’s on the hunt for an affordable room to rent. And like a true Bernal native, she chose a resourceful-but-polite way to solicit help from her neighbors.

I don’t have a room, but I do have a megaphone. So here are the details (click to embiggen)…

Some modest digging also revealed a Craigslist posting, which adds that she’s a 21 year-old recent SF State grad. Then there’s the clincher: “I love SF and plan to stay here for a long time, and there is no place more special to me than our neighborhood around Bernal Hill.”

If you know of a room available with “modest rent” for a “hard-working girl in [the] home-searching business,” kindly dial your Neighbor Aretha via the email address on your screen.

Sutro Tower Mini-Model Is Must-Have Decor for Devoted Fans

/ Todd_Lappin / 8 Comments

Though it’s often the subject of scorn and sanctimonious head-shaking, Sutro Tower is also beloved by an underground army of devoted fans who appreciate it as San Francisco’s second-most iconic piece of landscape architecture. (Number One, of course being that famous International Orange bridge.) Monumental and futuristic, Sutro Tower fanboys and fangirls often express their affection via loving photographs, clever t-shirt graphics, and even permanent tattoos.

Meanwhile, Bernal residents enjoy a particularly intimate connection to Sutro Tower, both because it dominates the western horizon when you look out from atop Bernal Hill, and because our own microwave tower so obviously wants to be more like Sutro Tower when it grows up.

But for the sophisticated devotee who craves a 3-D representation of Sutro Tower, the options have been very, very limited. Until now. Through the miracle of modern laser-cutting technology, a local whiz named Aidan now offers 1/1000 wooden models of Sutro Tower for sale on Etsy, and they are superb.

La Lengua rebel leader (and Sutro Tower fetishist) Burrito Justice captured this spycam video footage inside the secret “Mini-Sutro Manufacturing Facility” located 2000′ below the El Farolito burrito shop on Mission at 24th Street. Here’s how the magic happens:

I ordered one last week, and it arrived two days ago. Here’s how it looked when it arrived:

Sutro Tower (Before)

And here’s how it looked after 5 minutes of fun, hands-on, assembly — no tools or glue required:

Sutro Tower Model (After)

Now, as my new model sits on my dresser, I can savor the luxury of admiring Sutro Tower from the safety and comfort of my bed, anytime day or night — even when the real Sutro Tower is obscured by a a brooding blanket of fog. Peekaboo!

Above Sutro Tower

Get your Sutro Tower model right here.

PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics

Confirmed: Palace Steak House Will Open Next Week as Palace Steak House. BONUS: Our Agents Conduct Early Taste Test!

/ Todd_Lappin / 19 Comments

The New Palace Family Steak House

The New Palace Family Steak House

The New Palace Family Steak House

After Bernalwood wrote about the in-progress remodel of the former Palace Family Steak House restaurant on Mission and Cesar Chavez, much confusion ensued. When exactly would it open? What’s the food concept? And what of those scary rumors that the name was going to change to something awful like “Mission Gastropub.”

All this caused much gnashing of teeth from from fans of the old Palace Steak House, and not least from Herr Doktor Professor Deth Vegetable, a regular reader of this blog and an authority on historic-but-obscure dive restaurants in the Dominion of Bernalwood and Our Surrounding Territories.

So it was with much interest and gratitude that we received a tip from Herr Doktor on Monday, to the effect that a firm opening date for the Palace Steak House has been established. Eager to verify this tidbit, Bernalwood rushed to the Palace Steak House, where we had the good fortune to encounter the proprietor and his nascent serving staff, just as they were setting up to test-cook a few of the entrees on the menu.

Quickly, we were able to establish these facts:

  • The new restaurant will indeed retain its former name: the Palace Steak House.
  • The classic old sign will remain, but a new awning is on the way.
  • The menu will consist of comforting middle-American favorites, such as steaks (duh), pasta, burgers, and sandwiches. For the morbidly curious, here is the full menu.
  • All entrees will cost less than $15.
  • The original PFSH sign in the window for New York Cut Steak will remain, but now with an updated price of $13.75.
  • For the disco crowd, the restaurant plans to remain open until 3 am on most nights.
  • The official opening will take place next week. Probably Wednesday, give or take a day or two.

But wait! There’s more inside scoop!

Last night Herr Doktor received the Golden Ticket: He scored a table at the Palace Steak House when the restaurant tentatively opened its doors for a soft-launch evening of kitchen testing and staff training. Here is his Herr Doktor’s exclusive pre-opening taste test report:

Decor is a bit odd, in that they essentially just put a coat of white paint on the foam ceiling tiles and ceramic wall tiles.  But, y’know? That’s ok with me, too. Keeps a little bit of the weirdo atmosphere I so treasure in my dining establishments!

Salad was more or less what it used to be… That is to say, a pile of shredded iceberg lettuce with a few strips of carrot mixed in. Could DEFINITELY stand improvement, but, seriously, how much can you expect for a $14 inclusive steak dinner? Still, Any other kind of lettuce besides iceberg (re: Crunchy Water), would be nicer. Even the option of a few different additions, like chick peas (as the old Palace did) or Beets (as Geneva Steak House does) would be great.

The Garlic bread was great, definitely an improvement over the garlic bread they used to do. Smaller piece, but it had bits of actual garlic on it! Score!

Baked potato was a baked potato. It is what it is, not a whole lot of variation you can get there.

I got the Ribeye steak, medium-rare. Meat was very tender, which was nice, but it was an extraordinarily fatty piece, which was less nice. But, y’know, sometimes that’s just the way the cookie crumbles, as it were. I look forward to trying the other cuts, hopefully they’ll be less fatty. [EDITOR’S NOTE: Two other operatives from the Bernalwood Intelligence Agency also sampled the New York steak last night, and each of them loved it.]

As I mentioned, staff was very much in beta mode, and my waiter seemed very nervous but attentive. There was a bit of a mess-up with my order (it didn’t make it to the chef correctly, I guess), so it was delayed for a while. They were extremely apologetic, but no big deal. It’s their first night, and I was like the third customer to walk in. Teething Pains are to be expected and forgiven.

All in all: No, it’s not the old Palace Family Steak House. But it seems like it could be a reasonable successor. I’ll definitely be back.

So there we have it. DJ, put that Palace Family Steak House theme song on the turntable, and let it play:

PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics

Bernal Hill Co-Stars in (Another) Music Video

/ Todd_Lappin / 1 Comment

Here’s yet another MTV moment for Bernalwood.

Bernal Hill gets some key cameos in this music video for a romantic song that tells a classic tale of “artsy loner dude meets smoking’ hot girl, loses hot girl to douchebag other guy, gets hot girl back when douchbag guy reveals his douchey inner nature, but in the end it turns out the whole thing is just a made-up fantasy, because really, he’s an artsy loner dude.” In other words, it’s a very typical Bernal Heights relationship story.

The song itself is called “What If” by Summer Breeze. It isn’t as clever or as funky as that one from Jahmeel, but as we all know… that’s showbiz.

Young Artist Debuts New Work During Hillwide Garage Sale

/ Todd_Lappin / 3 Comments

Custom portraits by Ada

If you spent time wandering the neighborhood during the Bernal Heights Hillwide Garage Sale last Saturday, you probably loaded up on cast-off tchotchkes and supercheap housewares. But if you happened to walk by one very special garage, you would have had the opportunity to purchase some original artwork from Ada, an emerging artist at the peak of her creative power.

Reader Liz captured the scene:

For the Bernal Hill-wide garage sale, custom portraits by Ada. This guy requested a portrait of himself in a radioactive forest with a unicorn.

And the finished piece? Voila!!

Custom portraits by Ada

If only Gertrude Stein could be in Bernalwood now…

PHOTOS: Liz Henry via the Bernalwood Flickr group

Bernal’s Celebrity Succulent Expert Opens Show in Oakland

/ Todd_Lappin / 1 Comment

Here’s a welcome change of pace: A story about succulents that has nothing to do with crime.

Ken Shelf is the co-owner of Four Star Video on Cortland, as well as the Succulence plant store that occupies the rear of the space. From 6 – 9 pm on Thursday night, August 18, Ken will open a show of his plant art at The Rare Bird in (gasp!) Oakland, where he is the featured artist-of-the-month.  As the store’s website explains:

Ken Shelf is the co-owner (with his wife, Amy) and lead cultivator at Succulence – a life and garden store in the Bernal Heights neighborhood of San Francisco that sells supplies for a succulent lifestyle.  Ken also lives in Bernal with Amy and their children, Huck and Trudy. Ken’s plant art began with the creative camouflaging of marijuana plants in his tomato garden and continues with his exploration of the disintegration and reintegration of nature with itself. In his endless quest for interesting planting vessels, he has planted teapots, popcorn poppers, electrical boxes, watering cans, shoes, bicycle rims, bird-feeders, sea shells, grain mill belts, coal cans, potato and onion baskets, and a metal Hoosier flour bin for his wife’s 40th birthday.