The Mysterious New Store at 420 Cortland, REVEALED!

/ Todd_Lappin / 8 Comments

For weeks, mystery has surrounded the newly renovated storefront at 420 Cortland Street. Word on the street was that a tenant had been found. But who?! And what?!

Then, a clue appeared… in the form of a question mark:

Then, weeks later, came… another question mark!

Two question marks! One, containing a bicycle wheel. The other, in the form of an electrical cord. So many questions.

Well, we have answers. Or, at least a partial answer. Or, most of an answer, with a few questions still outstanding. Allow us to explain…

Through the patient hard work of the Bernalwood Signals Intelligence Group, we have learned that 420 Cortland will soon become the storefront for a merchant specializing in the sale of electric bicycles.

Specifically, 420 Cortland will become the new home of the business now known as The New Wheel, which today operates from 782 Columbus Avenue in North Beach. On The New Wheel blog, there is an announcement:

We are in the process of completely re-imagining The New Wheel. Three big changes are afoot:

1. New Location: We are moving to a beautiful 1100 sq. ft. space at 420 Cortland Avenue in sunny Bernal Heights. Mark your calendars for our opening party March 2 and stay tuned for more news and updates!

2. New People:  For the past year, The New Wheel has been run day to day by founder Brett Thurber. Joining Brett for this new expansion is his partner Karen Wiener, along with a full time mechanic.

3. New Products: We will be carrying a growing roster of the best electric bikes available, along with a selection of urban transportation products from the likes of Brooks, Ortlieb, Fjällräven, Rickshaw, Abus, and Burley. Stay tuned for more news!

But wait: What’s an electric bike?

Our research turned up these product photographs, which illustrate the concept:

Also…

Basically, an electric bicycle is a pedal-driven bike that uses a battery-powered electric motor to provide supplemental propulsion when desired — say, when climbing big-ass San Francisco hills. Conveniently, this also explains the riddle posed by the new shop’s teaser website, which asks:

Get it? You put a bike shop on a hill to underscore the fact that you sell a different kind of bicycle.

To flesh out the details of our story, Bernalwood decided to commit some journalism. We telephoned Brett Thurber, the founder of The New Wheel, to learn more of his plans.

Mr. Thurber proved to be friendly fellow, and he took it well when informed that Bernalwood had pierced the mystery of his shop’s main product. But he assures us that he still has some surprises up his sleeve.

For example, he hinted that the shop may get a new name. And that he has some interesting promotional events planned between now and the store’s March opening date. So we’ll have to wait and see. Which is fine.

Then Bernalwood gave Mr. Thurber the lay of the land. We told him that given the nature of his product, there is only one mystery that the residents of Bernal Heights truly want to know:

Do his electric bicycles have sufficient mojo to ascend the fearsome Folsom Street hill??

Can they climb the hill with style and grace?? And, in a matchup against a typical fixie-riding Mission hipster, would Mr. Thurber’s electrically-assisted bicycles defeat said hipster in a head-to-head race to the summit??

Mr. Thurber expressed confidence that his product can both master Folsom Street and vanquish the hipster. We shall see…

Oops! Tow Truck Drops BMW on Steep Bernal Heights Hill

/ Todd_Lappin / 2 Comments

That Beetle on the right? It got hit. The car jumped on the sidewalk and took out it's passenger side.

The tow truck driver removed those little wheel things that were under the rear wheels which apparently allowed the car to roll down the hill.

Ouch! Reader Rusty captured the chaos last night on Treat Street:

Some guy was getting his BMW 335i towed back to his house near the top of Treat, above Precita Park. Unclear why it was being towed back. As the tow truck operator was unhitching it, it broke loose and rolled down the hill. It jumped on the sidewalk at some point, damaged the passenger side of a Beetle parked on the street, and then came to rest sideways in the driveways seen in the pics.

The sound was crazy: it was like a truck full of metal beams had dropped them and they were rolling down the street and then a big crash/thud.

I think the problem was that the tow truck operator hadn’t removed those mini wheels that they place under tires to tow cars when you can’t move the rear wheels. It’s actually amazing that more damage wasn’t done; the stairway of the house wasn’t wrecked, only the garage door and maybe some of the concrete retaining wall between the two houses.

The fire department didn’t arrive for a while, I had to leave and run an errand and when I came back an hour later the fire trucks were there. I suspect the police called the fire truck, they came out, looked at things, didn’t seem to do anything and left. After the (original) tow truck driver removed the car from the driveway, the SFFD came back and boarded up the smashed garage door.

PHOTOS: Rustymerin

Slimy Succulent Thieves Strike Again

/ Todd_Lappin / 19 Comments

It’s been a while since the last reported instance of residential succulent theft. But someone swiped some succulents from Neighbor Ashley’s sidewalk planter recently, and she’s hopping mad about it:

Unfortunately I’m writing with some crappy news from our neighborhood. Last summer we planted a fuf tree in front of our house to green up our street. Then, to help protect the tree and add a little more green and pretty the neighborhood, we also built a two-sided flower bed around the tree. I planted the flower beds with a variety of succulent and cati, and over the last six or so months we have watched it flourish and grow! But last weekend my heart broke a little when I came outside to find that two of our little guys had been stolen!

As seen in the photos, the holes were perfectly clean and the plants were pulled straight out and taken. It is obvious that it was not an animal, as there was no mess at all anywhere. One of the two plants that I adored had grown the biggest and tallest out of all our other plants; that one got stolen. It had turned a beautiful red color with small white flowers, and it brought tears to my eyes that it was gone.

It hurts in particular to know that we’ve worked so hard and put so much love into it our little sidewalk garden, hoping it would add a little beauty and maybe even happiness to our fellow neighbors. It’s a shame that someone would be so unkind. I worry for the rest of our plants, and I wonder what I can or should do to prevent the thief from stealing again!?

PHOTO: Neighbor Ashley

Dissident Parrots Establish New Identity In Bernal Heights

/ Todd_Lappin / 14 Comments

The Bernalwood Intelligence Agency has received numerous signals recently about wild parrot sightings around Bernal Heights. Our Political Unit analysts have determined that the parrots are refugees from Telegraph Hill who fled to Bernal Heights to escape the stultifying NIMBYism and shrill politics of that part of the City in general — and Aaron Peskin in particular.

Naturally, Bernal Heights has welcomed the dissident parrots with the warmth and neighborly tolerance for which we are famous. And now, Joe Thomas has captured video footage of the colorful birds frolicking in our midst. Joe says:

I’ve seen these guys around on the east side of the hill occasionally, since at least last March.

Today, I was finally quick enough with the iPhone camera  to get a few shots of them. I heard them at about noon, outside my back door on Peralta. They were making kind of a “ha-ha-ha-ha” laughing sound, which you can hear in my video:

There were three of them, climbing around on a neighbor’s bird feeder and chattering. I’ve seen them in larger groups at the feeder, and in the trees next to the stairs from Esmeralda to Franconia. This was the first time I’ve seen them in 2012. I imagine they needed some extra calories after the cold night last night.

Next up, of course, comes the award-winning documentary: The Dissident Parrots of Bernal Hill.

PHOTO AND VIDEO: Joe Thomas

And Now, Your Deepest, Darkest Nightmare…

/ Todd_Lappin / 4 Comments

Eeeeeeeeeeeek! It’s a image of hell! A full-color vision of the darkest nightmare that lurks in every Bernalista’s deepest subconscious.  A photo that could convert even the most laissez-faire YIMBY into a foaming NIMBY reactionary. And even more frightening: This isn’t one of Bernalwood’s goofy Photoshop stunts!

No, it’s very real. But fortunately, it isn’t here.

Instead, Reader Mason snapped this photo in Pleasanton, an entire town which is more or less founded on the idea of being the antithesis of everything Bernal Heights is about. So pinch yourself, close your eyes, rock gently back and forth, and repeat after me:

“It’s not here! It’s not here! It’s not here! It’s not here! It’s not here! It’s not here…”

PHOTO: Mason Kirby

Supervisor David Campos Will Run for Reelection

/ Todd_Lappin / 25 Comments

David Campos 1 - SF Center Soiree 8

From the San Francisco Appeal:

San Francisco Supervisor David Campos will file papers on Tuesday to run for re-election in November.

Campos represents District 9, which includes the city’s Mission District and Bernal Heights and Portola neighborhoods.

A native of Guatemala who came to the U.S. when he was 14, Campos has passed legislation on various immigration issues, including on the city’s sanctuary policy. He has also been an advocate for the rights of workers, low-income residents and the LGBT community.

“I am proud of the work I have accomplished over the past four years,” Campos said in a statement. “District 9 is one of the most culturally diverse areas of our city. I am honored to represent the district and look forward to earning a second term.”

A second term for David Campos? Discuss.

PHOTO: SF LGBT Community Center

Cortland “Prize Pocket” Now Joined by Racy “Prize Panties”

/ Todd_Lappin

The Prize Pocket just off Cortland was clever and sweet, but not very stylish. Or sexxxy, for that matter. Well, now that problem has been addressed.

Thanks to everyone who called my attention to the lacy “Prize Panties” that were recently added to the same utility pole as the original Prize Pocket.

Regular… or spicy! Take your pick, but everyone goes home a winner:

PHOTOS: Top, David Gallagher. Below, Laurel May

49ers Win Triggers Rare “Ocean Sunset” Visible from Bernal Hill

/ Todd_Lappin

Mike McCabe sent us this amazing photo of Saturday’s sunset:

On Saturday night, I saw the sun set just inside the tiny segment of ocean visible from Bernal Summit – a sight only visible for a few weeks each year. As the days get longer, it’ll set farther and farther north – hidden behind Twin Peaks.

After the sun went down, the city erupted in cheering and honking horns. San Franciscans love a good sunset!

Well, sort of. I happen to know that at right about the same time, the San Francisco 49ers were defeating the New Orleans Saints at Candlestick Park, in one of the craziest game-ending clinchers I’ve ever seen. And I know this because I was watching the end of the game (and the sunset) from my back yard — precisely because I love hearing the neighborhood erupt whenever these sorts of media-driven events happen. Indeed, while Mike was up on the hill savoring the sunset, here’s what the neighbors were seeing:

So while the sunset was great, it probably doesn’t quite explain all the hoopla. But a stunning ocean sunset… AND a 49ers victory? At the exact same time? Coincidence??? I think not.

PHOTO: Mike McCabe

Support “Cycle for Survival” With Team Spector/Smith

/ Todd_Lappin

Bernal neighbor David Spector writes to tell us that his family is raising money to support cancer research:

The Spector/Smith family is riding this year in Cycle for Survival, an indoor relay style team cycling event that raises money for research into rare cancers at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. The event was started in 2007 by Jennifer Goodman Linn and her husband Dave. It has raised more than $9 million in support of lifesaving research on rare cancers at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, and in the past 5 years has funded 25 clinical trials and research studies.

Our family and friends have been touched by rare cancers over the past decade. In particular this year we are cycling for Mark Mindes (Sarcoma — and he’ll be riding in NY the same day!) Gracie Lawton (Hepatosarcoma) Wendy Friedlander (Rhabdomyosarcoma) Elias Dube (Neuroblastoma) and Bruce Rosenberg (Metastatic Mealnoma.) All are alive today thanks to research and clinical trials funded by events such as this one.

David invites anyone who’s interested to either join their team or donate to support their effort.

PHOTO: Team Spector/Smith

We Are Bernal Heights. We Are The People of the Chert

/ Todd_Lappin / 2 Comments

We are Bernal Heights.

We are the People of the Chert.

We are the People of the Chert, and we are growing larger! In the remote terrain high above San Francisco, @willak captured this SHOCKING photographic evidence of a new species of giants spawned by the red chert of our beloved mother hill.

But, much like redwood trees, even the most massive Bernal giant starts out small:

Already she knows that she is Person of the Chert. Here we see her making an offering of chert to her Bernal forbearers.

Keep an eye this creature… one day, she will be huge.

PHOTOS: From top, Telstar Logistics, @willak, @wendyverse

Meet the “Wild Old Women” of Occupy Bernal

/ Todd_Lappin / 3 Comments

Remember when that posse of self-described “wild old women” #occupied the Bank of America branch on Mission near Valencia not long ago? It was a clever stunt marred by only one agitprop oversight: No good photos of the occupiers were made available at the time. Doh!

Now, somewhat belatedly, Jasper Gregory published a webpage that introduces us to a few of the Wild Old Women, and (no surprise, perhaps) many of them came pre-steeped in social justice and progressive activism. For example:

Wild old woman, Ginny, 75, got involved in 1963 in the March on Washington. In seventies she helped the Gandhian Cesar Chavez labor movement.

Full gallery here.

PHOTOS: Jasper Gregory