The awesome note shown here was spotted this morning in Bernal, near Coleridge and Virginia.
It seems that one of our neighborhood motorcycle owners had a spark plug stolen yesterday, and in response, said motorcycle owner placed a diabolical hex upon the thief. Which, in fairness, is probably deserved, because, really … stealing a three dollar spark plug is extremely lame.
PHOTO: Thank you, Neighbor Jonathan
Well, what do you know? Zagat just released its 2013 San Francisco Bay Area restaurant guide, and our very own, very glamorous Ichi Sushi on Mission Street made the Top 20 list — right alongside such boldface names as Gary Danko, Chez Panisse, and French Laundry.
Of course, upon hearing this news, many Bernalese will grin smugly, because we’ve known for some time that Ichi is rather special. And they can also say (with fake modesty), “Oh, well, we’ve been into Ichi since back in the days when they were at 331 Cortland.” Because it’s true.
But neighborhood bragging rights aside, Bernalwood sends our heartiest congratulations to chef (and neighbor) Tim Archuleta, and everyone at Ichi. This is an honor very well-earned.
PHOTO: Photo illustration by Telstar Logistics. Tim Archuleta photo, by John Storey via SFGate. List image via Inside Scoop.
So… what was the outcome of that recent meeting about strategies to deter illegal dumping on Bernal Hill? District 9 Supervisor David Campos has a proposal, and he’d like your feedback:
Bernal Heights Residents. At the community meeting I held a couple weeks ago with representatives from the Department of Recreation & Parks, we decided that the best and most cost effective strategy to deter further illegal dumping on Bernal Hill is to install a solar power light at the site of the dumpings. I am attaching a picture of the lamp so you can see what it would look like. Please let us know if you have any issues with this solution by contacting Hillary Ronen in my office at hillary.ronen@sfgov.org. Thanks for participating in the decision making process!
Bernalwood used the photo provided by Supervisor Campos to create the absurdist illustration shown above. It shows what the actual floodlight would look like (if it took steroids and grew to about 10x its actual size). Don’t take the photo too literally. The point being, we’d get a light shaped kind of like that, somewhere kind of around there, to help keep the baddie illegal dumping people away, and possibly prevent actual scenes like this:
Do you like the idea? Should The City go ahead and install a solar-powered light? Feel free to email Supervisor Campos’s staff, or discuss here, in the comments.
PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics
Ahhhhhh… Indian Summer, here at last. And with a full moon to boot!
On Sunday night Bernalwood’s Cub Reporter and I headed up Folsom Street to savor the evening — and the view — from high atop Bernal Hill. As we sat on the warm dirt watching the twinkle of the lights, the Cub Reporter declared the shimmering skyline “the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” She’s a San Francisco kid, so that’s high praise.
Then, when we looked east to admire the giant moon, she noticed something strange…
There was bizarre vessel tied up at one of the piers on the waterfront. “It’s a ghost ship!” the Cub Reporter said.
Let’s zoom and enhance for a closer look:
Later research revealed that the ship was not, in fact, an oceangoing emissary from the afterlife, but rather a South Korean warship in town to ferry a delegation of diplomats to Our Faire City. Almost as good, I guess.
The Cub Reporter had insisted upon bringing her spiffy new LED flashlight on our nighttime micro-hike, so we decided to have some fun with it. With the camera set to take long-exposure photos, I urged her to wave her arm with the light turned on. This was the result:
“THAT’S AWESOME!” she declared after seeing the result in the camera’s view screen. “Let’s do more!!!”
So we did…
It was a free-form spectacle of creativity, but by morning, her proto-Pollock light paintings were gone without a trace. Luckily, we got a photo of the culprit at the scene of the crime:
PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics
I just didn’t have the heart to publish this last week, right on the heels of the news about the closure of Four Star Video, but last week several readers wrote to say that Locavore, the classy restaurant on Mission at Valencia, had also closed its doors.
Inside Scoop had the news a few weeks back:
Locavore owner Mario Duarte sends word that he will close his Mission Street restaurant on October 1. He says he wants to spend more time with his family.
Locavore opened almost exactly two years ago, in November 2010, on the stretch of Mission Street south of Cesar Chavez but north of Cortland, near Blue Plate and El Rio, among others. Locavore and its chef-partner Jonathan Merritt notched an encouraging 2.5 stars from Michael Bauer and later went on to earn notoriety for its signature burger, which Bauer dubbed “so darn good … a top-shelf hamburger.”
Still, Neighbor Robert was sad to discover that Locavore was gone when he walked by yesterday:
I loved it. We went regularly practically from the week they opened. We started going when they used paper napkins and had no art on the walls. I’m not even sure they had their liquor license. But over time it grew into a real live restaurant. The food started out great and never flagged.
PHOTO: Neighbor Lee
It’s been some time since we last heard of a case of succulent theft, but Neighbor Brian reports that the horticultural bandits have struck his home… again!
We’ve written to you before and were very appreciative when you posted about the succulent thieves who hit the planter in front of our house. Unfortunately, the eight months since the original theft, we’ve have a few more cacti and succulents lifted from our planter. It sucks. It make us angry and, worst of all, suspicious of everyone who walks down our street. The previous thefts seemed at least ‘respectable’ in that only a small plant was lifted, but this latest theft is just ridiculous. Half the f**king planter is gone! I’m pissed and am very close to knocking out the entire planter and replanting everything that is left in our back yard. At least in the back yard, I’ve only got to worry about the family of raccoons living nearby — and they’re just so damn cute!
PHOTO: Neighbor Brian
Ms. Valerie, the Children’s Librarian at the Bernal Branch Library, invites one and all to attend an important meeting tomorrow evening to discuss the library’s operating hours:
We Need Your Input on our Public Service Hours!
SFPL Bernal Branch Public Hearing
Tuesday, October 2nd from 6:00-8:00 p.m.
Refreshments will be servedBernal Heights Library Meeting Room
500 Cortland Avenue
(415) 355-2810Please join us for a public hearing and give us your input about our library operating hours.* We need to hear your ideas on library services and priorities. City Librarian, Luis Herrera will give an overview of the Library’s Five Strategic Priorities and Deputy City Librarian Jill Bourne will provide the overview of the Open Hours Project. Also attending the hearing will be a SF Supervisor; Neighborhood Council Members; Friends of the SFPL Board Members, Staff, Donors and Members, and other Community Partners.
*The Library Preservation Fund, renewed by Proposition D in November 2007, requires that the Library Commission assess and modify as appropriate the hours of operation of the Main and branch libraries at least once every five years. As part of that process, San Francisco Public Library is conducting public hearings in each of the City’s 11 supervisorial district this September and October to obtain community input about library hours and services. These public hearings will also allow residents to give us their ideas about library services and priorities and allow the Library to present ideas about its future goals and initiatives.
To ensure the participation of people with disabilities, patrons are invited to request sign language interpreter services, real-time captioning, and materials in alternative print formats. Requesting accommodations at least 72 hours in advance will help to ensure availability. For inquiries or requests for accommodations, please call (415) 557-4557.
PHOTO: Telstar Logistics
Those uppity La Lenguans have become uppity again, as the militarization of the La Lengua Autonomous Zone continues. Earlier this week, the La Lengua rebel propagandist known as Burrito Justice claimed to have developed a new superweapon, in the form of a super-sized Burrito Railgun.
Burrito Justice claims the weaponized burrito is based in the former Hunters Point Naval Shipyard, high atop the massive overhead crane that serves as a local landmark. The La Lenguans demonstrated their achievement with this chilling propaganda display:
The Bernalwood Intelligence Agency takes such threats very seriously. Our operatives quickly located the Burrito Railgun and confirmed its location via photo-analysis and 3-D modeling. What they found was both shocking… and rather confusing:
In short, since burritos lack inertial self-guidance capability, the BIA’s trajectory analysis revealed that the true target of this weapon is not Bernalwood, but Oakland. The mega-burrito projectile is visible in this overview map:
While it is clear that La Lengua has transferred significant railgun technology to the Hunters Point Security Collective, the nature of their alliance — and why they have joined forces against Oakland and the East Bay powers —remains unknown. Nevertheless, this reckless act of Burrito-Based Arms (BBA) proliferation is a direct threat to District 9 security, and it must be met with a strong response from the Dominion of Bernalwood.
In collaboration with the Bernalwood Air Force, the BIA immediately deployed Phase II of the EYE OF SAUTRITO project. Originally developed to prevent illegal dumping on Bernal Hill, the Eye of Sautrito has now been upgraded to include a sensitive antenna array that can detect the electromagnetic emissions from a railgun preparing to fire. The array is linked via radar to a rapid-action, megajoule-burst microwave emitter that is capable of destroying foil-wrapped tortillas at distances up to ten miles. Watch this simple demonstration:
Sleep well, Citizens of Bernalwood, because you may rest easy in the knowledge that your vigilant defense forces will spare no expense to keep you safe, stylish, and secure.
Neighbor Michael invites all Citizens of Bernalwood to attend the fashionable Elsie Street Block Party that will take place tomorrow afternoon:
Bernal Neighbors – You are cordially invited to the 6th Annual Elsie Street Block Party, between Cortland & Eugenia, this Saturday, Sept. 29 from Noon to 3pm.
Bhangra Dancers at 1pm. Ten of them! Be a judge in the Bake-Off Contest, Jump in the Bouncy House, Swat a Pinata (if you’re young enough), enjoy food, drink and great company. Be carefree and carfree on the Best Block of Bernal.
Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Ye Hunters of Bargains!
Neighbor Noah brings news of a group garage sale happening in North bernal on Saturday to benefit the Rocky Mountain Co-Op Preschool:
HUGE 20-FAMILY GARAGE SALE & BAKE SALE
All profits go to benefit our school: Rocky Mountain co-op preschool.
We are cleaning our our closets/homes and selling loads of stuff that we have outgrown or no longer need. Come and be a part of the recycle & reuse! Grab something “new” for you while also helping our our preschool.
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 29
10 a.m. to 4 p.m.
in front of Grace Korean Presbyterian Church
30 Norwich Street between Harrison St. and Alabama St.
A block away from PRECITA PLAYGROUND.– Furniture
– Clothes
– Baby stuff
– Toys
– Books
– ElectronicsOver twenty families are donating for our BIG Garage Sale. If that weren’t enough, we are also having a bake sale at the same location!
Lots of homemade bake goods for sale too!
– cookies
– cupcakes
– breads
Yarrcat just posted this on the Instagram:
My jogging buddy today – a banana slug atop Bernal Hill!
Bernalwood’s advice: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
PHOTO: Yarrcat
Neighbor Edie heroically attended the last community meeting at the SFPD’s Ingleside Station, and even more heroically… she typed up these notes just for you. Please read them carefully to learn about current crime trends, and how to avoid becoming a statistic:
Captain’s Report by Captain Tim Falvey (timothy.falvey@sfgov.org)
Our new captain, Captain Timothy Falvey, has been in the SFPD 17+ years, last two at the airport. As an officer, he worked in Northern Hayes Valley, and as a Sgt worked swing watch in the Mission. As a Lieutenant, he worked in the Southern district, then went to the Police Academy for three years, then was the Police Commission Secretary. Promoted to Captain, and assigned here.
Falvey highly enjoys his job, especially in San Francisco. Almost his entire family was in the department, and he joined because he noticed they were the only people he knew who enjoyed going to work every day. Falvey was an accountant for seven years first, but he didn’t like to sit doing paperwork every day, now that he’s a Captain, he sits behind a desk doing paperwork…
The Captain’s had a busy first few days since he started here. The first day he was on the job, a big cluster of thieves were going around robbing people of their cell phones. Three precincts detained numerous people involved, and there was an officer-involved shooting. The second day, there was a pipe burst and major flooding in the Sunnydale, and the house on the corner was redlined, and the police spent time evacuating the children at the school there.
Welcome to the Ingleside!
Crime Stats are tracked every 4 weeks, and compare the crime for 4-week period for 3 months.
Part 1 crimes (homicide, rape, robbery, violent assault) are down 21%. There was a spike in July, but now getting back to the norm.
Part 2 crimes (arson, burglary, auto theft, theft from vehicles) are down 25%.
Shootings: Total 19 victims in our district, compared to 23 last year at same time.
Reports of shots fired: down 43% (from 7 to 4). Again consistent with June.
Increased traffic enforcement helps to curtail violent crimes, because people often come from other areas (in cars) to commit those crimes.
So when crimes increase, police do more traffic checks to find people who shouldn’t be there and slow it down.
Arrests: This month there was a 200% increase in the number of robbery arrests (3 arrests instead of 1).
Recently there was a takeover robbery in the Ingleside: two robbers put people in the freezer and took their wallets & phones. Report went out and police spotted them on 7th & Market, a known place for fencing stolen goods. Police stopped them, asked Ingleside police to call the victims’ cell phone numbers, and phones rang from the robbers’ pockets. Police have charged them with ELEVEN robberies! Great job!
Robberies down 21%. Crime trend: robberies on the bus, especially iPhones. Perps wait outside the bus, spot someone using iPhone and, just as the bus doors are about to close, reach in and grab it. Passengers – pay attention. Don’t stand next to the open door with a $300 iPhone and wait for it to be stolen. Sit near the cameras, near the driver, far from the door.
Education, enforcement, environment… all are very important when preventing crime. When buying an iPhone, take it out of the bag and put it in your pocket, so the thieves will steal the bag, not the phone.
INCIDENTS AND RESIDENTS’ CONCERNS
Increase in burglaries in Miraloma Park. Common for perps to force open doors in broad daylight.
Alemany and Laura: Man spotted a month ago swinging a large chain and damaging property was arrested and is in jail on aggravated assault.
Blue Tape on doors: Bernal residents around Elsie St. have found blue painter’s tape at the bottoms of front doors, a strategy burglars apparently use to see when people are away from home. Now there have been several burglaries in the same area, and Taraval’s Captain reports finding tape near St. Brendon’s. Apparently, gangs will focus on a neighborhood for a while until moving to the next.
If you see tape on your door, DON’T touch it; instead, call the police non-emergency number (415) 553-0123 or email SFPDInglesideStation@sfgov.org and ask them to check for fingerprints.
Let’s keep our doors locked and our eyes and ears open: report any suspicious vehicles or persons via the non-emergency number (415) 553-0123. Get a license number and kind of vehicle, description of the people you see, pictures if you can, but don’t put yourself in danger. In one neighborhood where they’ve been taking license plate numbers, police have gotten two guns and four thieves off the street.
Traffic Control: Captain has asked his officers to concentrate on writing tickets for things that cause accidents, which create damage, and increase workload and paperwork. Also focusing on major transit corridors so that buses can move effectively.
New skatepark in Balboa Park, at the corner of Ocean and San Jose Ave. Kids have been sneaking in to skate even before the equipment was finished, but it should be open now.
The Ingleside station website has a new page on for local community-based organizations to post info on upcoming local events.
An SF ordinance prevents people from parking cars for sale in places they don’t live, so you can call on those cars with for sale signs that take up parking spaces in your neighborhood.
Beware of fraudulent calls using your personal information, such as children’s names, your address, etc.: A caller from Jamaica told someone they’d earned a large amount of money, but must pay in order to receive it. The caller knew the names of three of the victim’s children. Others identify themselves as children or grandchildren who are in another country and sick or in desperate need of cash. Callers often focus on seniors, and much of this fraud is international in origin, so it’s hard to catch the thieves.
NOTE: spookeo.com is a known source for personal information, and it’s linked to Ancestry.com. You might want to see just how much of your personal information is out there and available to anyone who pays for an account.
Suggestions to avoid being defrauded: If you don’t recognize the caller, don’t answer. They may also be able to piggyback on your line to make other long-distance calls on your bill. Talk to your family members (of all generations) about this kind of fraud, and set a way of identifying true family from fraudulent callers. For instance – establish a key word or phrase that doesn’t have anything to do with your known personal information. Tell everyone they should listen for that from callers, and always have others check with the supposed caller and other family members before they send money anywhere.
UPCOMING COMMUNITY MEETING
Ingleside Community Meetings are held on 3rd Tuesday of the month from 7 – 8 pm in the Community Room of the Ingleside station, 1 Sgt. John V. Young Lane at San Jose Ave. All are welcome to hear about issues affecting the district and ask questions. Next meeting will be Oct 16th.
PHOTO: Telstar Logistics
That available space in the glamorous 331 Cortland marketplace is no longer available. Eji’s Ethiopan will be moving in soon:
We are proud to announce a new vendor at 331 Cortland who will be joining the marketplace in early October, just a few short weeks away. Her food is vegan, full of spicy goodness and totally yummy. Eji has been working with La Cocina to make her business a reality and we are happy she chose 331 as her next step. Please stop by, try her food and welcome her to the neighborhood!
La Cocina provides a little more background:
Growing up in the bustling, Ethiopian capital of Addis Ababa, Eji Atlaw spent much of her childhood in the kitchen with her four sisters and mother, learning to make homemade Ethiopian dishes. Food has always been a passion for Eji, and one that stuck with her as she built a new life in the United States. Eji decided to pursue what she loves, and join La Cocina to begin working on plans to start her own vegan Ethiopian business. Eji’s launched at the 2011 San Francisco Street Food Festival, and since then Eji has been working as a caterer and developing a line of sauces that showcase Ethiopian flavors, spices and local ingredients.
PHOTO: Ejigayehu Atlaw, via Eji’s Ethiopian
Bernalwood 