Found Things

Smutty Succulent Startles Visitor From Mission District

/ Todd_Lappin / 3 Comments

Us boring (but glamorous) Bernalfolk may get hyper-upset over a pile of dumped trash, but our neighbors in the Mission District are normally a rather unflappable bunch. Yet during a recent walk through Bernal Heights, famous MissionMission celebrity blogger Vic Wong made a most startling discovery.

While exploring a community garden “near Esmeralda and Winfield,” Mr. Wong aroused the cactus shown above. The full spectacle apparently unnerved the visitor from the Mission, as he later huffed on the Tumblr:

Oh grow up, nature

Memo to the flatlanders: We go big up here.

PHOTO: Vic Wong

Seating Options Multiply on Bernal Hill

/ Jobius (Joe Thomas) / 7 Comments

Bernal Chair 2

The east side of Bernal Hill is in full bloom, with abundant native wildflowers, grasses, and invasive radish. This year, there’s also a new addition: at least two wooden chairs have recently sprouted up.

Bernal Chair 1

The two specimens have decidedly different morphologies, but I’m not expert enough to determine if this is due to genetic differences or simply variation due to differing microclimates. (The one in the top picture enjoys some shelter from the wind.) If anyone in Bernal Heights has a background in geo-ergonomics, please feel free to weigh in.

PHOTOS: Jobius

Bernal Heights Marsupial Makes Rare Daytime Appearance

/ Todd_Lappin / 28 Comments

Neighbor Ken on Rutledge writes:

Marsupial in the hood!

This guy’s been puttering around our north slope yard late at night. My Jack Russell has been on to him, but no confrontations as yet. I’ve only caught glimpses of his beady reflective eyes every now and then shining back at me in the darkness. I guess he must have heard about the brash, Bernal raccoons. This morning he was cruising our fence looking for the best way to take advantage of our wild bird feeders. Out in the bright daylight, he didn’t even flinch when I approached him to grab this shot. (Fact: Opossums have been known to play dead for 40 minutes to 4 hours before coming back to “life.”)

He seems healthy but then, what the heck do I know about Opossums?

Note: We’ve lived on the hill for over 22 years and this is a first for us. We’ve seen Opossums at night but never in the day.

PHOTO: Neighbor Ken

Feral Anatomy Textbook Terrorizes Precitaville

/ Todd_Lappin / 1 Comment

Alongside all the usual handbills about missing cats and lost dogs, this one on Folsom near Precita really stands out: An anatomy textbook has broken free of its shackles and is now on the loose.

If you happen to see an anatomy textbook rooting through your backyard, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CAPTURE IT. Anatomy textbooks are notoriously jittery, and often quite heavy. Instead, remain calm and call a professional anesthesiologist to ensure that the text is safely subdued.

PHOTO: Telstar Logistics

Scenes from the Continuing Yelp-ification of Bernal Heights

/ Todd_Lappin / 1 Comment

Bernalwood contributor David Gallagher shared this photo he snapped during a walk through Bernal Heights on Saturday morning.

I thought the reviews included on the poster were a useful feature that made it easier for me to assess the personal relevance of this particular garage sale. However, I would have also liked some additional social signals — say, a counter indicating how many Likes or Favorites this garage sale had received — before deciding whether or not to add it to my Events calendar.

PHOTO: David Gallagher

Unmoved Vehicle Generates New Life on Folsom

/ Todd_Lappin / 4 Comments

Neighbor Regina lives on a section of Folsom Street that does not have weekly street-cleaning parking requirements. Sometimes vehicles park on her street for a long time… so long, in fact, that enough time elapses for new forms of life to enter the world. Regina captions:

A “tree” grows in Bernalwood, in the back of truck that hasn’t moved for a month. With a life preserver.

PHOTO: Neighbor Regina

1959 Cadillac Emerges from Bernal Garage; Smart Cars Rejoice

/ Todd_Lappin / 13 Comments

Neighbor Mason was on hand to witness the opening of an ad-hoc time capsule on Bocana last week:

Last Friday at 305 Bocana, a garage was opened to reveal a collection of cars (and parts) owned by the late Edward Cicero, longtime Bernal butcher and possibly the founder of what is now Avedanos. (Factcheck please!) His son, Edward Jr, and grandson Steve just sold this stunning yellow ’59 Cadillac and were moving it outward and onward to its new owner.

To my surprise, there were two late 30’s Packards stashed in the other garage bay, and even a transaxle for Ford Model A. We remain excited to see what will take the Cadillac’s place, as apparently Mr. Cicero was an avid collector of metal, and there are several other examples of his curatorial prowess in other undisclosed locations.

Some interesting facts divined by yours truly:

  • This 1959 Caddy’s wheelbase (130″) can accommodate the length of an entire Smart car (98″) with an electric bike on a rear bike rack (18″) and still have 18″ left over for a clean parking job.
  • This 1959 Caddy’s engine 390 cubic inches is over ten times that of a Smart car (36cui).
  • The Smart Car boasts a passenger area of 45.4 cubic feet. While certainly impressive, this is only slightly larger than the capacity of the Caddy’s fuel tank (42.29 cu ft).

PHOTOS: Mason Kirby

Mysterious Street Stencils Deviate from Official Branding

/ Todd_Lappin / 5 Comments

For the last few days, the Bernalwood news hotline has been buzzing with reports of a new street art stencil spotted in several spots along Cortland Avenue.

The stencils say: “Welcome to Bernalandia.”

The creator of the stencils is unknown, and the purpose of the campaign remains a mystery.

Candidly, we applaud the neighborly message and the tasteful typography. But we are obligated to note that the stencils deviate from official branding and naming conventions. Formally speaking, these stencils appear in the Cortlandia subdistrict, which is part of the Dominion of Bernalwood.

If anyone knows more about the origin and meaning of the stencils, please do share the intel. Likewise, representatives from the Bernalwood Division of Branding and Nomenclature would be interested in talking with the creators, in the hope that we can all stay on-brand. Thank you for your understanding.

PHOTOS: From top, Ann Lam, Mason Kirby, @shesanightowl

Confirmed Bikini Jogger Sighting, Monday Evening

/ Todd_Lappin / 13 Comments

Reader Lynn from the Bernalwood Intelligence Agency shared three photos to document a confirmed Bikini Jogger sighting that took place on Monday evening at approximately 5 pm:

The Bikini Jogger was sighted doing several laps around Bernal Hill on Monday evening amongst hundreds of wondrous neighbors and dogs. The last picture is my husband, trying to fake like I’m actually taking the picture of him.

PHOTOS: Reader Lynn

Parking Woes Make Man Abandon Move to San Francisco

/ Todd_Lappin / 60 Comments

Stencils of Doom

Neighbor John introduces us to an outraged young man who tried using Bernal Heights as a long term parking lot. That didn’t go so well, so he will not be moving here anytime soon. John explains:

Had to laugh when someone forwarded your posting about the contretemps between two actual Bernal residents over long-term parking.

Over here on Eugenia, we also have no street cleaning (thank goodness), and we’ve historically attracted outsiders using our street for al fresco auto repair and airport parking. No lie, you’ll sometimes see a cab pull up to a long-parked car and drop off someone with a rollie bag…

Several months ago, we had a car filled with stuff that didn’t move for a week or two. We thought it was abandoned (which happens every now and then), someone called it in, DPT started posting warnings. The warnings elapsed and the car was towed away.

Next thing, the street — cars, mailboxes — was plastered with the attached communication from the outraged non-resident parker….

So many things to like about this guy’s letter — not the least of which is the threat of social media PR suicide (“you have… forever marked San Franciscans as snobby, me-first people in the eyes of my thousands of blog and internet followers…”) We thought about warning the chamber of commerce and tourism board that this was coming.

But after reading the note a couple of times, I had to scratch my head over “Peter” and his decision to forever cross SF off his list of potential new homes. Entitlement; indiginant, unapologetic disregard for the rules; self-righteous sense of victimization? I kinda think Pete might fit right in…

So with that as our introduction, let us now savor and appreciate Peter’s cri de coeur:

PHOTO: Top, Telstar Logistics