Wine Cereal Now Half Price at Corner Liquor Store

January 28, 2014January 27, 2014 / Todd_Lappin / 6 Comments

Gentrification Alert! Gentrification Alert!

This is how it happens: First comes the ridiculously delicious pizza, then, next thing you know, they’re selling breakfast fare for oenophiles at the liquor store just up the street.

Neighbor David, who took this photo on the corner of Mission and Cortland, writes:

Wine Cereal! really, what more is there to say? #OnlyInSF

The always-astute @friscolex noticed the same as well:

Important @Bernalwood News: Wine Cereal on sale at the liquor store next to Zante's! http://t.co/1XZP7JtYez—
A Wallace (@friscolex) January 25, 2014

So what’s next?

We can only imagine: Bourbon frozen waffles? Champagne energy drinks? Courvoisier beef jerky? WHEN WILL IT STOP?

PHOTO: David Spector

Yarn-Bombers Stage Daring Infiltration at Precita Playground

January 3, 2014 / Todd_Lappin / 17 Comments

Happy New Year!

We begin 2014 with news of a surprise direct-action by members of the knitting underground on two trees located at the eastern end of Precita Park, inside the beloved children’s playground.

Analysts from the FBI and Knitting World magazine have examined the guerilla stitch-work, and determined it to be of exceptionally high quality. No one knows who was responsible for this daring infiltration, but we can say this: They were pros.

Meanwhile, Neighbor Noah reports that denizens of the playground have responded to the yarning with squeals of glee and occasional tree hugs:

PHOTOS: Top, Linda Burbank; Middle, Karen Zuercher; Below, Noah Lang

There Is a Real Snowman In Precita Park Right Now

December 24, 2013December 24, 2013 / Todd_Lappin / 7 Comments

Improbable Thing Alert! Improbable Thing Alert!

Neighbor Linda just filed this report from Precitaville:

There’s a real snowman in Precita Park, Folsom side!

… and indeed there is!

Meanwhile, Linda reports that the old truck at Harvest Hills Market on the other side of the intersection has embraced the holiday spirit as well:

PHOTOS: Neighbor Linda

Incredible!! Bernal’s Mutant “Mossquatch” Challenges Santa Claus Hegemony

December 23, 2013December 23, 2013 / Todd_Lappin

Someone better call Fox News, because the “War on Christmas” has now become an insurgency.

Bernalwood interrupts your holiday preparations to bring you this important accouncement: Mossquatch, the mutant Bryophyta-Homo Sapien hybrid who lives inside a meter-reading hole on the corner of Bocana and Eugenia, has embraced some seasonal Xmoss cheer.

Neighbor Allison reports live from the scene:

Looks like the man in a red suit has some competition. Mossquatch is back and doling out moss to all the good little children this holiday season. Seems he still may have something to learn from the real Santa Claus!

PHOTO: Top: Neighbor Allison. Exterior: Telstar Logistics

ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN SIGHTING IN BERNAL HEIGHTS

December 16, 2013December 16, 2013 / Todd_Lappin / 3 Comments

Well, we thought nothing could possibly ever top a confirmed Bigfoot sighting in Bernal Heights, but we were so, so wrong…

Last night I stepped outside my house for just a minute to grab some party-surplus holiday cookies from the trunk of our car. That’s when I saw him: A hulking white monster approaching from the east on Precita Avenue.

I looked up and rubbed my eyes to dispel the illusion, but no — he was real. IT was real! It really was a hulking white Yeti roaming the streets of Bernal Heights, along with a beaded colleague.

Fortunately, the wintry monster seemed friendly, and it cheerfully agreed to pose for a photo. And then, in the blink of an eye, it was gone, leaving me — and my stash of party-surplus holiday cookies —unharmed.

PHOTO: Telstar Logistics

Pro Tip: Creating Your Own DIY Standing Desk at a Neighborhood Cafe Is the Definition of Uncool

November 7, 2013November 8, 2013 / Todd_Lappin / 7 Comments

A Bernal neighbor snapped this rather unfortunate use of a DIY “standing desk” setup at Cafe 78 in La Lengua this afternoon.

Pro Tip for all Digital Warriors: Putting a chair on top of a table is never okay. When in doubt, please consult Aaron James’s Theory of Assholes, and conduct an honest self-assessment.

Yarn-Bombed Doggie Heads Generate Bernal Wonder, Mystery

October 28, 2013 / Todd_Lappin / 8 Comments

Last weekend, the Citizens of Bernalwood were aflutter about a most uncommon sight found in the upper reaches of Folsom on the north side of Bernal Hill: Three cartoon-mascot dog heads, yarn-bombed inside three colorful, hand-knit cozies.

The spectacle was such that it begged an obvious question: Whaaaaaaaaat?

Happily, this one is easy to answer. The dogs themselves are relics from the Bay Area’s late, lamented Doggie Diner restaurant chain. The three on the trailer are under the custodianship of a local literatus (and friend of Bernalwood), and they regularly show up at quirky events around town. Rule of thumb: Where the dogs appear, fun is near.

As we reported earlier this month, Bernal was once home to our very own Doggie Diner, on the corner of Mission and Army (Cesar Chavez), until it closed in the early 1980s. Bernal’s Doggie Diner head would have looked exactly like the ones you see on the back of this trailer.

Except for the yard-bombing, of course. The cozies are a recent addition, and they were created by Olek, a NYC-based yarn artist:

We’re excited to report that yarn artist Olek has crocheted over the Holy Trinity of the Dogminican Order, the three vintage Doggie Diner heads that are under the care of Laughing Squid partner John Law. John reports, “Olek wanted to work with a San Francisco icon. The Golden Gate Bridge wasn’t available this trip (the girl is AMBITIOUS so who knows…) but the second most iconic SF landmark(s) was!”

So why were the doggie heads weekending in Bernal? Who knows? Who cares? Just like Bigfoot or the Bikini Jogger, it’s best not to ask why. Instead, simply marvel and appreciate that the universe has seen fit to grace us with their curious presence.

PHOTO Neighbor Lisa Morehouse

Pop-Up Barber Shop Opens in Undisclosed Bernal Heights Location

October 15, 2013October 14, 2013 / Jobius (Joe Thomas) / 37 Comments

On a walk yesterday afternoon, I saw an unusual sight in a neighbor’s garage: Barbering. Complete with barber pole.

Having just had my own hair cut on Saturday, I didn’t inquire about rates. But the convenience can’t be beat: just steps from my front door.

I will keep this gentleman in mind for my future haircutting needs.

Seriously?! Bernal Child Baffled by Bumbling Sidewalk Blunder

September 18, 2013September 19, 2013 / Todd_Lappin / 32 Comments

Neighbor Rebecca shared this photo of her young son learning a formative lesson about civic incompetence and the perils of not giving a shit about how you get the job done.

Neighbor Rebecca’s only comment about the experience came in the form of a rhetorical question:

Seriously?!

Yes, seriously.

This glaring typo cast in concrete on “Folson” is not at all unique; Urban infrastructuralist Eric Fischer has amassed a darkly entertaining collection of photos documenting similar concrete sidewalk typos all over town.

PHOTO: Neighbor Rebecca

Will Fairy Houses Fuel Next Bernal Heights Real Estate Boom?

September 5, 2013 / Todd_Lappin / 7 Comments

Neighbor Tony spotted a rather attractive new subdivision nestled under a tree here in Bernal:

This morning, I spotted a nice house for a fairy family and maybe an elder fairy parent on Bernal Hill next the road that goes to the antenna complex.

If you look closely one can see the orange fairy dust at the entrances of the two of three houses, which of course means that the units are currently occupied. But if one calls Fairy House Realty, I think they could arrange a showing.

It seems this fairy family is taking advantage of the soaring real estate values in Bernal, and I say: Good for them!

PHOTOS: Neighbor Tony. Thanks also to Neighbor Charlie for the tip about this as well.

Enraged Parking Note Becomes Threaded Argument as Bocana Street Neighbor Squares Off Against Wool Street Neighbor

August 30, 2013August 30, 2013 / Todd_Lappin / 167 Comments

It’s been a dramatic week for streetparking in Bernal Heights, but the drama isn’t finished yet.

Over on Bocana, a parking note situation earlier in the week (d)evolved into a threaded blog-style argument between an angry Bernal neighbor and another Bernal neighbor who owns the parked vehicle in question.

Bernalwood has been in touch with the vehicle owner, who tells us:

I live on Wool just below Eugenia. I parked on Bocana just above Eugenia. I parked there on Sunday at around 11:00 a.m., after taking my dog for a run at a park. I returned home to find no parking within a one block radius of my house. I almost never have to park even as far as Bocana, but everything was all parked in. I thought my only problem was going to be remembering where I parked!

This was on my windshield on Tuesday morning. Bocana neighbors are hair trigger, I guess! The best part is the last sentence.

True, the comment about how “you don’t even live on this block” seems rather rich.

But that was not the end of the matter. Car Owner from Wool used some whitespace on the original note to respond in kind, writing:

Wow, seriously? I parked here from 11:30 am on Sunday through 8 am on Tuesday — not even 48 hours. On Sunday there were no spots near my house, so I parked here. These parking spots belong to everyone, even people who don’t live on the block. Please reserve your nastiness for people who are actually doing something wrong.

— Your neighbor on Wool Street

Oh, but that was not the end of the matter either.

Finding but a small patch of whitespace remaining at the very very bottom of the note, the Angry Bocanan added an angry counter-response:

Wool isn’t Bocana & so you don’t live on this block & you must be out of your meds, unless you can time travel, you were parked here on Saturday. Get your facts straight.

Snap! That’s the state of play in the Great Bocana Parking War of 2013.

Fellow Citizens of Bernalwood, what say ye to the plaintiff, The Angry Bocanan?

And what say ye to the defendant, The Car Owner from Wool?

Kick your feet up and open a fresh bag of Doritos, because the Bernalwood People’s Parking Court is now in session.

Universe Provides Grateful Monument for Departing Yoga Teacher

August 22, 2013 / Todd_Lappin / 2 Comments

Neighbor Matthew found this sweet little monument yesterday, high atop Bernal Hill on the west side. It says:

Gules, my long lost sister!

You are such a radiant little ball of energy. I felt that we already knew each other when we met, those giant green eyes and that beaming pure smile! You make me so happy little angel! I KNOW that this will not be the last time we meet each other. I also know that you will make an INCREDIBLE yoga teacher & Chinese Medicine Doctor one day. And if you ever decide you want to come to the U.S. & teach at whatever studio I’m at, you will ALWAYS be welcome to share your spirit.

Awwwww. That’s awesome.

Meanwhile, in other neighborhood news, this happened shortly after Neighbor Matthew found the Departing Yoga Teacher Monument on the western summit of Bernal Hill:

Bernalwood.Unicorn

PHOTOS: Above, Neighbor Matthew

Saturday: Use This High-Tech Treasure Map to Plunder the 2013 Bernal Heights Hillwide Garage Sale

August 9, 2013August 9, 2013 / Todd_Lappin / 5 Comments

Okay, Bernal Heights ~~craphounds~~ treasure-seekers!

It’s time to stuff your wallet with small bills, fire up your UPS-surplus route optimization software package, and bookmark the map you see right here, because the 2013 Bernal Heights Hillwide Garage sale happens tomorrow (“… tomorrow!… tomorrow!”), Saturday (“… Saturday!… Saturday!”) August 10, 2013, all over this sexxxy little neighborhood of ours.

There are 82 (!!!) houses shown on the map you see, which means there are 82 sites for you to find superior bargains while picking through the materialist leftovers of your neighbors’ glamorous lifestyles. Find furniture. Find housewares. Find clothes. Find collectibles. Find your future baby-mamma. It’s all here, at the city’s biggest, sexiest neighborhood garage sale.

The Bernal Heights Hillwide Garage Sale happens from 9 am to 3 pm on Saturday.

Study the map.

Use the high-tech rollovers on each flag to see what’s for sale where. Plot your attack strategy. Shop early, and shop often to get the best bargains.

See you there.