Bernalmorphism: Why Our Seismologist Draws Bernal Heights as a Dog

Great news. Julian Lozos, Bernalwood’s senior seismologist, successfully raised the funds he needed to begin production of the San Franthropomorphism 2012 Calendar. And in a recent email alert to his friends and financiers, Julian explained why he decided to represent Bernal Heights as a dog:

The dog is Bernal Hill. Why? Because I lived in Bernal Heights when I lived in San Francisco, and I want to represent it because I miss it. Bernal’s a dog because, well, you try to keep track of the number of dogs you see on the hill or being walked down Cortland Ave. Bet you need more than four paws worth of fingers! The coloration of his fur is based on the red chert rock that makes up the hill. The underlying curly patterns on the fur represent the folds in the chert. The black patterning is based loosely on the radio tower at the summit of the hill.

Julian says Bernal Doggie will make a cameo appearance on the calendar’s credits page.  We’ll let you know when he finishes work on the project and makes the calendar available for sale.

Got Chickens? Got Goats? Bernal Veterinarians Are Here to Help

Cats are cute, but cliche. Dogs are delightful, but a dime a dozen. If you keep chickens or goats on your property in Bernal Heights (it happens!), you may be glad to know that Jena Valdez is part of a small team of veterinarians who stand ready to help with all your livestock health-care needs. In a note to Bernalwood, she writes:

As a veterinarian here in Bernal, I was very excited to hear about the chicken/goat venture over on Folsom. Two other fellow veterinarians and I are in the early stages of forming a non-profit group which would serve the needs of backyard farmers here (by providing advice on husbandry, basic medicine, etc). Although we all currently see small animals at our “real jobs,” we all have livestock backgrounds, and are looking for a way to provide a service and get our hands on some barnyard critters!  We realize there are a growing number of backyard farmers who might need a hand, and we want to put our skills to good use. We plan to start with Bernal, but eventually we’d like to work with livestock city-wide.

If your chickens or goats need some attention, contact Veterinarian Jena & Co. via email at <byvets AT gmail DOT com>  — that’s short for “Backyard Vets” until they figure out a snazzier name.

PHOTO: Veterinarian Jena, with friend

Name That Spider (and Don’t Get Caught in Its Web)!

OK, all you arachnologists out there, I’m sure one of you can identify this beauty that’s been taking over Bernalwood with a vengeance this Halloween season.

We’ve taken to calling ours Shelob because of her large girth, curtain-like webs that stretch across whole sidewalks, and uncanny resemblance to the famous arachnid from Lord of the Rings:

I’m thinking cross spider… only I can’t find the cross. In any case, here’s hoping she didn’t ensnare too many trick-or-treaters!

EDITOR’S NOTE: I’ve been besieged by spiders too, only my backyard companions clearly wear a cross:

PHOTOS: Top, Bronwyn Ximm. Bottom, Telstar Logistics

And Now, We Pause for a Doggy Moment

Reader Joe made a comment this morning:

Bernalwood is frightening me today.  A deadly pipeline just out my front door, and a murder scene out back.  Yikes!

He’s right. And so I will now embrace a technique pioneered by our friends at BoingBoing, who maintain perspective by pausing for “Unicorn Moments” that lighten the emotional load during grim news-cycles.

I’m adapting that idea to the conditions that prevail in Bernalwood by initiating a “Doggy Moment,” during which we will feature pictures of cute neighborhood doggies posted to the Bernalwood Flickr group.

Many, many thanks to Jacques Vidrine and Schauleh Vivian Sahba for contributing today’s anxiety-soothing images.

PHOTOS: Jacques Vidrine and  Schauleh Vivian Sahba 

Muffy the Wolverine Needs a New Home

Reader Esther spotted this handbill on the Good Life bulletin board. A kid-friendly wolverine that loves W.C Fields movies and behaves very well during new moons? What’s not to like?! Cattle prod, bear trap, and steel-reinforced camper shell sold separately.

PHOTO: Reader Esther

Shots Fired as Police Battle Very Bad Doggy on Andover

It’s not quite as earth-shaking as a missing iPhone 5, but there was some intense police activity yesterday on Andover, just off Cortland. Several readers spoke to the cops to find out what was going on, and their stories fit together to tell a reasonably coherent story. Putting all the pieces together, I compiled this unofficial version of what apparently happened:

On Wednesday morning at around 9:30 am, SFPD responded to a report of a pit bull that had bitten charged someone a few blocks away. When the officer arrived on scene, the dog charged the officer, so he fired five or six shots at the animal. Reportedly, none of the shots hit the dog, but eventually backup arrived, the animal was subdued, the street was closed off, and much commotion ensued.

Again, this is an unofficial account, so some of the details may be off, but from it you can get a general sense of what went down. Bad doggie. Baaaaaad doggie.

UPDATE: Neighbor Erik brings the full report (promoted from the comments below):

The pit bull charged a 1 1/2 year-old boy.  I do not think it actually bit him.  The father picked up his son quickly and started screaming at the inhabitants of the house where the dog lives.  I also came out and told them they just needed to close their door and stop letting the dog out on the porch, as it tends to attack other dogs that go by.

I have never seen it attack a person.  This was the first time I had heard of this.   The dog killed a chihuahua a few months back.   The inhabitants closed their door,  but apparently only temporarily, as the dog was back outside when the policeman arrived.  I heard the shots ring out, and came out to see the dog running up and down the street.   The policeman did wing it on the ear, and it was bleeding.  There is a blood trail on the sidewalk.  At this point, about 3-4 cop cars showed up, animal control came along and took the dog away.  I do not think it has returned to the house.

The family whose son was attacked are extremely distraught. They live next door to the house with the pit bull.   They are living there temporarily until their new house is done being renovated on another street.   They are nice people and wouldn’t hurt a fly.

The people where the pit bull lives do not actually own the dog. One of them is more or less in charge of it,  but they are not diligent in any way about looking after the dog as they should. It is an unfortunate state of affairs, and could so easily be solved if they would just not let the dog out off leash.

UPDATE II: Reader SER has provided the SFPD summary of the incident (promoted from the comments):

9:24am      200 Blk Andover            Vicious Dog
Officers Curry and Turner were dispatched to the call of a vicious dog. The reportee told dispatch that a neighbor’s dog had attacked members of her family no one was injured.  The officers arrived and spoke with the reportee who said he was outside when he observed a tan pit bull began barking and aggressively charging at him and his son.  The victim yelled at the dog to stop and the dog stopped and returned to the house next door (home).

The victim told the officers that there have been various issues with the neighbors and his dog in the past. The victim also believed the dog was not being properly taken care of. The owner of the home where the suspect and dog live arrived and began speaking with Officer Curry. The owner expressed concern of the tenants who resided in the rental property.  The officers requested that Animal Care and Control respond to the address as well because they were going to attempt to contact the owner of the dog.  While Officer Curry was speaking with the owner of the property the suspect came out of the residence with the dog.  Officer Curry instructed the suspect dog owner to place a leash on the dog. The suspect refused to obey the officer’s command.  The dog then began aggressively growling at the officer and charged the officer and the property owner.  In fear of his personal safety and that of innocent bystanders Officer Curry drew his department issued firearm and shot at the dog.  Officer Curry requested assistance over the radio and numerous units including officers, Sergeants and Lieutenants responded to the scene to assist.  The dog was located Animal Care and Control took custody of the wounded dog.

Officer Giannini and Civilian Police Services Aides  Der and Navarro responded, processed the scene for evidence and took various pictures which they booked into evidence at Ingleside Station. Officer Deny with the SFPD Vicious and Dangerous Dog Unit responded and took over the investigation .this incident is still under investigation. The dog did not suffer life threatening injuries.   Report Number 110698684

PHOTO: Police responding on Andover. Photo by Reader Paul

Creepy Pentagram Triggers Mirth, Media Frenzy, and Tales of Animal Sacrifice (Pretty Much in That Order)

After Bernalwood (ahem!) broke the story last week about a creepy pentagram found on Bernal Hill that was still dripping with unholy ritualistic ooze, a rather predictable media frenzy ensued. The SFWeekly picked up on the story, suggesting it may have something to do with practices associated with the Santeria religion (although, apparently, Santarians aren’t into pentagrams). Then KTVU sent over a talking head to do a video segment on the incident, spicing it up with tales of animal sacrifice and concerns about pet safety:

Those who first spotted it Wednesday morning told KTVU they came across something even more eerie than just the painted symbol.

“A cross with pure blood there and black candles at each of the ends of the cross,” said Beatrice, a Bernal Heights resident. “And there was a bird, it was dead and full of blood too.”

Two longtime dog walkers told KTVU they believe the park has long been a site for animal sacrifice with cat and chicken parts occasionally dug up by dogs.

“They find goat heads and birds, mostly birds and rabbits and things like that,” said Michael Murphy, a dog walker. “The dogs dig them up because they bury them, they wrap them up in cloths or whatever.”

Murphy said he’s even found the severed heads of squirrels and pigeons left hanging in trees.

San Francisco Recreation and Parks officials said they were shocked to hear about the pentagram and said it’s unclear whether this has occurred before.

Dog walkers said the unusual activities at the park, high above the city, puts other animals at risk.

KTVU won’t let us embed their video, but you can watch it here.

Absent any more tangible facts, however, it’s only a matter of time until someone claims they have been turned into a newt. In the meantime, you can rest easy, because Park and Rec has covered over the pentagram with a thick coat of Satan-sealant paint:

Pentagone

And Reader Jay wonders:

Did their summoning ritual succeed? Does some cloven-foot demon now stalk Bernalwood? Will he dress in vintage clothing? Be spotted at a garage sale? Feast on the denizens of La Lengua before returning to Hades?

Of course, when that happens, we’ll send over our own satellite truck to investigate.

Bernalwood Action News

“Reporting live from Bernal Heights, this is Bernalwood Action News!”

PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics

Poultry Alert!! Did You Lose This Chicken? A Neighbor Found It.

This one definitely goes in the “Oh-So Bernalwood” file. Just moments ago the Bernalwood newsroom received an email from Reader Penny, who writes…

I would appreciate it if you could post something about a lost chicken which my husband found early this morning on the North side of Bernal Hill. Above Waltham. We have it in our care. Looks to be a Rhode Island Red.

If this chicken is yours, please chime in with a comment below, and we will gladly put you in touch with Penny. Note also: The photo above is just a generic photo of a Rhode Island Red, and NOT the actual found chicken. UPDATE: Penny sent in a photo of the chicken she found, and it now appears above.

PHOTO: Found chicken, by Reader Penny

Meet the New Top Dog at the Stray Bar

There’s  new pup-in-residence at the Stray Bar, and I had the pleasure of meeting him during a boozy night earlier this week. Reader Heather explains…

If you’ve ever been to Stray Bar, you might have met owner Karen Opp’s old dog Camden. He was often found chilling next to the water bowl or behind the bar. Sadly, Camden passed last week, but there’s a new top dog in the house, a spry little pupster named Finnegan. And, of course, there’s the Foursquare Mayor, Perceval P Peninsula. And, my boyfriend and I adopted a Rocket Dog puppy, who we named LuLu La Bonte, from a Cortland Ave adoption event on July 4. (Do mayors get crowns in this town? Or just fedoras?)… There really is a whole episode of “Bernal Hill, 94110” going on four-on-the-floor-style in that place.

Note that Finnegan has his own Facebook page, if you want to become cyberpals.

PHOTO: Finnegan in full sunlight, via the Facebook