Bernal Spoken Word Artist Hosts Open Mike Event, Tomorrow

Bernal Neighbor Ned Buskirk is hosting the latest edition of his open mike series for poetry, prose, and music called You’re Going to Die, tomorrow night, Feb 29, at 8 pm at Viracocha (on Valencia at 21st):

There will be a set list of performers [guaranteed lovelies] to take up part of the night… signup will also be that night for anyone else.

When there are 20 total performers for the night, you’re outta luck.
The list fills up quick, so if you want to perform, you’d better get there early…

If you’re going to read, keep it under 5 MINUTES long. That’s right: 5 MINUTES. WE WILL TIME YOU. And we will hug you when we have to stop you [just to make it easier on you (or harder – depending on your propensity for intimacy).

As far as reading goes, you can bring anything you want to read.
It doesn’t have to be poetry. It doesn’t have to be yours.

Full details about the event on the Facebook. Bonus: Here’s a Bay Citizen write-up about last month’s issue of “You’re Going to Die,” for the curious.

Bernal Hill Fares Well in Comparison with Artificial Rival

Actually, why bother restoring Bernal Hill’s trail network? And why bother fussing with all that pesky local flora. Why not just simplify things, with artificial grass? According to the billboard on Valencia at Cesar Chavez, Better Than Real Artificial Grass is actually BetterThanRealGrass.com.

Oh, and the website even says it’s “Eco-Friendly.”

Good to know!

UPDATE: Our hipster friends at Uptown Almanac noticed this juxtaposition too, and they have a different perspective:

Hey Bernal!  Yeah you, I see you there.  Look man, we gotta talk.

You’re cool and all, with those breathtaking views of San Francisco n’ shit.  But you’ve been playing the same tune for thousands of years and people don’t wanna hear that no more.  Yeah man, I’m talking about your grass situation.  The pants stainer.  The original weed.  The green menace.  Whatever you wanna call it, ‘shit’s played out–business as usual.

But, dude, check it: I got the fix for you.  Art-a-ficial grah-ass.  You heard of this stuff?  No?  Oh dude, it’s the fucking shit.  We take your old, crabby-ass grass, dump it in some abandoned lot in Bayview, and then we cover your ass in plastic.  Plastic!  It’s modern, man–real cutting-edge shit. All the kids are playing soccer on it, it stays green year-round, and I heard it drains real well because, you know, sometimes rains in San Francisco.

PHOTO: Kelly Castro

VICTORY: Future of Bernal’s Vintage Coke Sign Is Secured

Vintage Coke Sign

It took a year, an outcry, and a special piece of legislation to get the job done, but last Thursday the matter of Anonymous NIMBY vs. Bernal’s Vintage Coca-Cola Sign has been resolved, and the future of the sign is now secured.

Richard Modolo, the Bernal resident who owns the home at 601 Tompkins upon which the sign appears, sent Bernalwood this summary of last week’s Planning Commission meeting where the commissioners voted to allow the sign to remain:

I attended the Planning Commission meeting this afternoon and the Conditional Use Permit has has been approved. Next the Conditional Use permit will be recorded with the property deed, once that is completed I believe  the final step in the process is pulling a sign permit. We are getting near the finish line. I might add that there were several Bernal Hill residents who showed up in support of the sign. I am thankful to them and you for all of the support. I will continue to keep you informed along the way.

The vote came as a great relief, but in some ways it was not a surprise. Indeed, the Executive Summary of the case written by Planning Commision staff advocated for the preservation of the sign, and for all the right reasons:

The news of the Planning Commision vote was picked up by many of our City’s mainstream media outlets, including The Examiner and The Chronicle. Here’s an excerpt from the Chron’s coverage:

The vintage Coca-Cola sign whose presence bubbled into a citywide debate about preservation and historic art can stay right where it is, the Planning Commission decided Thursday.

A year ago, the 15-by-7-foot sign on the wall of a Bernal Heights home became the subject of controversy when a group of residents said it was corporate advertising in a residential area and promoted obesity by advertising a sugary drink.

Those for the mural, which was probably first painted in 1930, before being covered with asbestos siding in 1956 and rediscovered in 1991, said it was a relic from Bernal Heights’ working-class past.

All well and good, but both the Chron and the Ex made a factual error by asserting that there was some balance of opinion within Bernal Heights regarding the fate of the sign. That is false. There was no “group of neighbors” that opposed the sign; As far as we know, there was exactly ONE neighbor who opposed it, and that lone neighbor managed to set in motion the chain of events that backfired very completely, such that the sign can now remain in place in perpetuity with the official imprimatur of Our City’s Government. (Also, the sign dates from the early 1940s, not the 1930, but who’s counting?)

But, hey, whatever. Victory is still victory, and still sweet, no matter how absurd the entire controversy might have been. So now let us just quietly enjoy the knowledge that Bernal’s vintage Coke sign can grace the neighborhood for 70 more trouble-free years.

PHOTO: Top, Richard Modolo. Below, Telstar Logistics

Visiting Photographer Captures Mother of All Bernal Panoramas

Photographer Peter West Carey visited San Francisco from Seattle recently. He stayed with friends in Bernal Heights, and while he was here he took the opportunity to shoot an absolutely epic interactive panorama of the view from the north slope of Bernal Hill:

San Francisco Panorama Exploration
Location: Bernal Hill, San Francisco, California, USA, North America

Description: Hidden behind the city form the popular skyline shot across the Golden Gate, Bernal Heights is not a place most tourists choose to visit. There are no sea lions, promenades or sightseeing boats found on the hill. Just a gorgeous view of the city and bay captured at sunset.

Shot with a Canon 7D and Canon 28-300mm L lens with settings of ISO 100, 100mm, f/9, 1/60th of a second. 132 images were shot in three rows in portrait oreintation and stitched with Kolor’s AutoPano Giga. Total size is approximately 488 megapixels, my largest to date.

We believe Peter actually meant to say “488 throbbing megapixels,” because his photo is so high-resolution that you can zoom in on far-away details of the San Francisco cityscape to view details that are impossible to see from Bernal Hill normally. Remember The Six Million Dollar Man and his bionic eyeball? It’s kind of like that.

Hello, Oakland!

Salutations, Golden Gate Bridge!

Buenos días, weird 1960s highrise US Bank building on Mission at 22nd!

It may take a little while to load — 488 megapixels, after all — and it probably won’t work at all if you’re on a mobile device. But Peter West Carey’s interactive panorama is worth every byte.

PHOTOS: Via Peter West Carey

“Occupy Bernal” Takes Fight to Wells Fargo

bernal will fight

Occupy Bernal has taken their fight beyond Bernal Heights by carrying their protest against home foreclosures directly to executives at Wells Fargo. The SF Bay Guardian catches us up:

Yesterday, three top Wells Fargo executives flew to San Francisco to meet with Alberto Del Rio, a Bernal Heights resident facing foreclosure.

Del Rio’s parents purchased their home in 1973. The home was refinanced multiple times, he says “for a better life” for his family. The most recent refinance, in 2007, was a result of lenders convincing Del Rio’s mother that refinancing would be an easy to pay for some of her retirement.

“It sounded really great because my mother had no monies for retirement. The loan officers told her pull out some cash and reinvest it so she could have a better retirement. They told her, ‘after two years, you’ll be able to refinance out of this,’” said Del Rio.

The loan she got was a pick-a-pay loan, one of the most notoriously predatory loans that banks offered in the years leading up to the 2008 crash.

After continued requests from Bernal resident Alberto Del Rio and support from that neighborhood’s foreclosure-focused branch of the Occupy movement, Del Rio was finally given the time of day- by top executives in the Wells Fargo home preservation department.

The executives, including Sharon Zuniga and Shawn Woods, who flew in from Wells Fargo’s headquarters in Texas, met with Del Rio Feb. 22 at the San Francisco offices of Consumer Credit Counseling Services for about an hour and a half.

Del Rio says they gave him three options: to move out of his home and convert it into rental units, allow a short sale on the house and accept $3,000 to move, or let foreclosure proceedings continue as planned.

“They flew a guy here all the way from Houston to try to bully him into giving up,” said Buck Bagot, an organizer with Occupy Bernal.

But the fact that they took the time to do that was a result of continued pressure from Del Rio and his supporters.

“It was a good thing,” said Del Rio.

PHOTO: Lily Rothrock

A Meetup for Artists Atop Bernal Hill, Saturday

Pack up your charcoals and watercolors, because Reader Laurie brings news of a gathering for visual artists happening this weekend on Bernal Hill:

The just-formed Meetup group for San Francisco Urban Sketchers is having it’s first meeting this Saturday at 2:00, and it’s on Bernal Hill.

Here’s a description of the meetup:

Bernal Hill has great city views to sketch, but also plants, dogs and people. Find me near the bulletin board on the south side of the hill (near the parking area). I’ll wear a red jacket but you can probably spot me by the sketchbook I’ll have out.

I’ll wait around until 2:30 to see who shows up, then will head off sketching. We’ll meet up afterwards at the Progressive Grounds Cafe (corner of Cortland and Bennington) to see how it went. Showing your sketches is optional.

If it’s raining we’ll meet at the Progressive Grounds to sketch people drinking coffee and writing emails, and maybe the odd lonely dog waiting outside.

The Meetup group is open to anyone, but I’m also always looking for sketching buddies to join me for a few quick sketches up the Hill.

IMAGE: View east from Bernal Hill, by Reader Laurie

Food Fight! Critic Calls Bernal Heights a “Food Desert”

Jessica Battilana is a local food writer who has penned articles for 7×7, Sunset, Martha Stewart Living, and Gastronomica. Recently, in an otherwise positive review of the new Sandbox Bakery spinoff at 903 Cortland, Ms. Battilana wrote:

We can thank Sandbox Bakery–and owner Mutsumi Takehara–for many things: miso-filled buns, hot dogs wrapped in brioche, saving Bernal Heights from its food-desert status.

Hmmmm. Upon reading this, Neighbor Beth from the Bernalwood Culinary Self-Defense Forces took umbrage…. and sprang into action. Beth’s back-channel exchange with Ms. Battilana transpired follows:

FEB 15, 2012  |  03:48PM EST
Beth wrote:

I take strong issue with TT’s statement that “We can thank Sandbox Bakery–and owner Mutsumi Takehara–for many things: miso-filled buns, hot dogs wrapped in brioche, saving Bernal Heights from its food-desert status.” Food desert? in less than half a mile we have 4 Zagat-rated restaurants, the 331 Marketplace – which has 3 articles on Tasting Table, Avedano’s Market, the Good Life grocery, as well as many other decent, casual places to eat. Has the writer ever actually BEEN to Bernal?

Beth’s note prompted this response from Ms. Battilana:

FEB 19, 2012 | 07:24PM EST
Jessica B. replied:

Hi Beth,

Thanks for your note. I appreciate you taking the time to write. I have actually spent quite a lot of time in Bernal, and while I agree that Avedano’s and 331 are both bright spots, I still think the neighborhood has a long way to go, at least restaurant-wise. Food desert is hyperbolic, of course; I do understand that there are, as you say, many decent, casual places to eat. But a place as great as Bernal deserves more interesting, dynamic, food, like what Sandbox (and now 903) have brought.

Thanks again for reading, and for writing. And if there’s anything else in Bernal that you think I should check out, please let me know!

Well, gentle readers… is there anything that you would like Ms. Battilana to know?

PHOTO: Jessica Battilana

Your Bernal Heights Crime Report for February 2012

Reader Sarah, who valiantly covers the Bernalwood Crime Beat, attended the SFPD’s Ingleside Station Chief’s Meeting this week (so you didn’t have to). Here’s her summary of the latest Bernal Heights crime and crime trend news:

Notes from Ingleside Community Meeting, 2/21/12

Captain Mahoney led the meeting. I chatted with him for a while before the meeting and mentioned the recent resurgence of succulent thefts and dumping incidents. Regarding the latter, the captain said this is a police issue if there’s anything they can act on (which requires witnesses) – so obviously report license plates, truck descriptions, etc. if you see anything suspicious. There do not seem to have been witnesses in the above incidents, so then it becomes a DPW issue.

His first topic was staffing. It’s now one of two times each year when staff can request new assignments — like moving shifts or beats — so you may see some new faces. Staffing in general is getting more challenging. When Captain Lazar was at the station, there were 123 officers. It’s now down to 112, and there will be bigger losses with impending retirements. There’s a Police Academy class of 35 starting in May. The Chief has asked the Supervisors for four classes in 2013, and three per year after that, in order to partially fill in the holes that will be left by the big wave of retirements.

Because emergency calls take priority, reduced staffing can mean hits to other initiatives – at Ingleside, that’s been to the investigative team, where some members have had to go onto patrols. He has not made any reductions to the gang task force, which some other stations have done.

He is down one lieutenant – one was reassigned to the administrative/legal unit, and another to Homeland Security. A new lieutenant, Mike Dudoroff, has arrived.

CRIME STATS & TRENDS:
For the period from January 22 to February 18:

Everything was down this month vs. last month; the biggest issue continues to be auto thefts.

Incident/Number of Incidents/% Change (Mo.)/% Change (YTD)/Number of Arrests
Aggravated Assault/28/-26%/24%/14
Robbery/16/-41%/-39%/9
Sexual Assault/0/0/0/0
Burglary/20/-5%/-24%/1
Auto Theft/39/-34%/19%/3
Theft from Auto/26/-35%/-52%/0

Regarding the stolen cars, he said that this is a major problem in our district. He estimates 90% of the stolen cars are Hondas from the late 1990s, and that it takes “three locks and a dog in the front seat” to prevent them from being stolen. [Editor’s note: we have a stick-shift 1999 Honda, and the manual transmission also appears to thwart today’s car thieves.] Interestingly, he said 98% of stolen cars in SF are recovered, suggesting that there’s a kind of high-risk, informal ZipCar system. The recovery location often points to where the thieves live. They made three car-theft arrests in the past week; also use bait cars, work with CHP, and visit people on parole for auto thefts.

There was an incident in Crocker Amazon Park where someone took out the pylon and backed a truck into the park, then began to steal the bleachers (presumably for metal). Someone scared them off mid-way through, but then that person failed to call in the incident for several hours, so the thieves were not caught.

All across SF, bicycle thefts are high. Lt. Dudoroff put together a sting in the district where someone set up a meeting to buy a stolen bike, and this led to the police finding 23 other stolen bikes and a stolen iPad. The captain and his CPAB are putting together a project to get people to voluntarily register their bikes in a database at the station. At the very least, you should keep your bike’s serial number somewhere handy. They often find bikes that they believe are stolen, but no one has reported them missing and given the serial number.

The captain mentioned a couple of notable arrests. Officer Jones singlehandedly arrested several people spraying graffiti on the 3100 block of Mission. Officer Phillips, also working solo, stopped a car driven by a parolee with a stolen gun, a pound of marijuana, and $1400 in cash.

The captain ran traffic enforcement/safety operations at Alemany/Niagara (where there had been two major accidents in four hours one day – one involving a pedestrian and one a motorcyclist) and somewhere off of Cesar Chavez, where they gave warnings to 29 people who were speeding and/or running red lights. He emphasized that they do these operations for safety, not revenue.

Upcoming events – March 17 (St Patrick’s Day) is always a busy day for police; March 20 is the next Ingleside community meeting.

Three marijuana dispensaries were approved by the Planning Commission; two are on the same block (addresses are 4218 Mission, 5258 Mission, and 5234 Mission). Neighborhood groups were upset. There are still some additional approvals that need to be granted before the dispensaries open.

Jon Shepherd from SFSAFE was there. He has started several neighborhood watches recently. If you’re interested in starting one on your block, call him at (415) 553-1983.

A representative of Recology was there as well. There will be a cleanup program on Saturday, 3/10, from 8am to 12pm in the playground parking lot at Crocker Amazon Park. You can bring bulky items, hazardous materials, etc. Info here.

Someone asked about reporting graffiti. The captain said you can report this through 311 or by filling out a report on the SFPD site. At Ingleside, the officer in charge of graffiti is Marty Ferreira, but his area of focus is gang-related graffiti, and he’ll refer other graffiti to DPW or the City Attorney, which enforces property owners’ removal of graffiti.
Speaking of the City Attorney, Jana Clark has been assigned to a new division within the office, and the new City Attorney rep for Ingleside will be Michael Karnes – michael.karnes at sfgov dot org.

PHOTO: Steve Rhodes

“Cut Hair, Not School Budgets” A Benefit for Flynn School

Feeling a little shaggy? Here’s a way to keep yourself looking glamorous while also benefitting the students at Leonard Flynn School at Precita Park. Neigbor Sarah, who has a kid at Flynn, writes

Cut Hair, Not School Budgets!

2nd Annual Flynn Cut-a-Thon
Great haircuts from top Ginger Rubio and Zindagi stylists
Haircuts $50, Blowouts $30
All proceeds benefit Leonard R. Flynn Elementary School PTA

When: February 26th, 9am-4pm
Where: Zindagi Salon, 55 Grant Ave., San Francisco
To schedule appointments contact:
Amy Armas amydevlinarmas@gmail.com, 415-609-9091

Bernal Hill Trail Restoration Design Meeting, TONIGHT

Sorry for the late notice, but the City’s Department of Recreation and Parks is having a design review meeting TONIGHT at 6 pm in the meeting room of the public library on Cortland Street to discuss the plan to restore and upgrade the Bernal Hill trail network.

For additional background, visit the Rec and Park website about the Bernal Hill project, and click on the “Key Links and Documents” tab to view the project overview presentation as well as the notes from the January 25 kick-off meeting.

IMAGES: Department of Recreation and Parks

Confirmed Bikini Jogger Sighting, Monday Evening

Reader Lynn from the Bernalwood Intelligence Agency shared three photos to document a confirmed Bikini Jogger sighting that took place on Monday evening at approximately 5 pm:

The Bikini Jogger was sighted doing several laps around Bernal Hill on Monday evening amongst hundreds of wondrous neighbors and dogs. The last picture is my husband, trying to fake like I’m actually taking the picture of him.

PHOTOS: Reader Lynn

Gorgeous New Children’s Book Was Made in Bernalwood

Neighbor Ashley Wolff has a new children’s book that’s just been released, and it was created right in here in Bernal Heights:

I wanted to share the news that my new picture book is out at last. Baby Bear Sees Blue was conceived, designed, and executed at my studio on the 300 block of Highland Ave, the home of the magnificent palm tree.

Red Hill Books on Cortland just ordered copies of Baby Bear Sees Blue, and he has a Facebook page now with insider info that my fellow Bernalistas and dudes will want to know.

Here’s what the critics have to say about the book:

Inspired by the mother bear and cub in Blueberries for Sal, Wolff creates a gentel story for toddlers that introduces colors and images from the natural world…. Wolff’s lovely compositions feature inked linoleum block prints that render those bears a strinkingly deep, matte black. Lush, washy watercolors illuminate the scenes–colors in the downpour’s puddles reflect a rainbow. Curious Baby Bear is 100-percent toddler, and Wolff skillfully captures both the bear-ish…and the human…. Imbued with a spirit of exploration, fostered by parental protection, Baby Bear’s colorful adventures will enrich repeat bedtime read-alouds.” –Kirkus Reviews, December 15, 2011

“Wolff’s watercolor-tinted linocuts make each page of this story simultaneously cozy and dramatic—cozy because they star a fuzzy bear cub and his mother, and dramatic because each one contrasts dark shapes with washes of light and color…. Children will be absorbed by the complex textures of Wolff’s linocuts, the Japanese woodblock–style graded shades of the sky, and the reassuring comfort of a world that is always safely guarded by Mama Bear.” –Publishers Weekly, December 5, 2011, *STAR

Right ON! And hey, and what’s a book these days without a video trailer? Like the book, this one is beautiful: