Bernal Hill Fares Well in Comparison with Artificial Rival

Actually, why bother restoring Bernal Hill’s trail network? And why bother fussing with all that pesky local flora. Why not just simplify things, with artificial grass? According to the billboard on Valencia at Cesar Chavez, Better Than Real Artificial Grass is actually

Oh, and the website even says it’s “Eco-Friendly.”

Good to know!

UPDATE: Our hipster friends at Uptown Almanac noticed this juxtaposition too, and they have a different perspective:

Hey Bernal!  Yeah you, I see you there.  Look man, we gotta talk.

You’re cool and all, with those breathtaking views of San Francisco n’ shit.  But you’ve been playing the same tune for thousands of years and people don’t wanna hear that no more.  Yeah man, I’m talking about your grass situation.  The pants stainer.  The original weed.  The green menace.  Whatever you wanna call it, ‘shit’s played out–business as usual.

But, dude, check it: I got the fix for you.  Art-a-ficial grah-ass.  You heard of this stuff?  No?  Oh dude, it’s the fucking shit.  We take your old, crabby-ass grass, dump it in some abandoned lot in Bayview, and then we cover your ass in plastic.  Plastic!  It’s modern, man–real cutting-edge shit. All the kids are playing soccer on it, it stays green year-round, and I heard it drains real well because, you know, sometimes rains in San Francisco.

PHOTO: Kelly Castro

3 thoughts on “Bernal Hill Fares Well in Comparison with Artificial Rival

  1. This is the same billboard location that a few months ago trumpeted the ER at St. Mary’s – even though St. Luke’s “ER” is in the building across the street from the billboard.

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