The yellow school bus that’s often parked on Bernal Heights Boulevard is a regular focus of a) curious speculation, and b) abandoned vehicle reports filed by Bernal neighbors.

Suffice to say, the bus is not abandoned, nor is it used for residential occupancy. It belongs to Neighbor Alex, and Neighbor Alex would like to address his neighbors directly to provide an alternate perspective on the parking-enforcement aggressiveness directed at his vehicle.

I’ve been thinking too long about how to respond to Bernalwood (and even the hilarious comments), because I really want to address parking in Bernal on Bernalwood, but in the best way possible. This requires a combination of humor about and evidence of the ridiculous charades that go on in our neighborhood that I and others find so depressing. Anyways, I’m feeling inspired now.

I have tons of stories about parking in Bernal and my street, Shotwell, in particular but I think my favorite example about my bus and some psycho NIMBY neighbors happened a few weeks ago. Here goes:

I was on the east coast for a few days for a wedding, and my bus was parked up on Bernal Blvd as usual. When I’m in SF, I check on it everyday to make sure it hasn’t been vandalized or broken into (I put in LED fake candles and put down the curtains to make it appear as if someone is living in it and deter vandals/burglars). I also check daily to see if someone has put one of those yellow 72 HOUR PARKING notices on the window + chalked the tires, so I know I have to move it in a few days.

Because I was out of town, I asked my friend to check on the bus for me. He reported that everything was cool–there was no yellow sign–but that the tires were marked with the date being that day. So? That means someone 1) called the SFMTA, 2) reported the bus as an abandoned vehicle, and 3) waited till the yellow sign was applied 4) removed that sign so that I would hopefully not see the chalked tires, think everything was cool, and then find that my bud was towed 72 hours later and LEARN MY LESSON.

Now, I’ve talked to enough Parking Control Officers to know that when one of those yellow signs gets posted, it’s because a citizen called it in. And I’ve had enough posted on my bus the last 2 years to know how awfully tough the glue is on it. So yeah, I’m positive someone removed it with the intent to really hurt me. Luckily, I had been anticipating this and had the bus moved so it wasn’t towed.

Maybe the worst part was that this neighbor hadn’t called in for a yellow sign to be placed for weeks. I think they were trying to lull me into not checking so they could screw me over.

All in all, this vigilante stuff is pathetic and dark. One of my roommates, who is too lazy to register her car in CA and has Florida plates on her immaculate luxury volvo sedan, gets her car keyed and insane notes left on it.

By the way, it’s not like I’m not from a city. Lived in Bernal 3 years and I’m originally from D.C. where the Secret Service can just tow your car to a different spot if they need to, without telling you before during or after.

Thanks for listening.

We are grateful to Neighbor Alex for sharing his perspective, and we would now like to issue a humble plea to all Ye Citizens of Bernalwood…

Over time, I have learned that learned that there is no topic on this cozy neighborhood blog that inspires as much venom as controversies about street parking in Bernal Heights. So while strong opinions are, as always, welcome, let us also remember that neighborly courtesy and respect are the cardinal virtues that make Bernal Heights so very Bernal.  Play nicely in the sandbox, please.

PHOTO: Top, the bus, by Giggie Larue. Below, a note placed on the bus last week, courtesy of Neighbor Alex.

Neighbor Beth shares news that tickets are now on sale for a 10/27 performance by the Bernal Hill Players to benefit the art project that will adorn the south (playground-facing) side of the Bernal Heights Library:

Our very own Bernal Hill Players are giving a concert to benefit the Bernal Library Art Project, Phase 2. This exciting, original program will feature commissioned works by composers residing in San Francisco and Mexico City whose pieces are based on neighborhoods in these two cities.

CONCERT DATE: October 27, 2013 @ 4:30 pm
LOCATION: Community Music Center, 544 Capp Street
TICKETS: $40 in advance and, unless sold out, will also be available at the door.

YOU MAY BUY ADVANCE TICKETS IN TWO WAYS: 1) at Heartfelt located at 436 Cortland Avenue in Bernal Heights; 2) by phone at 415.695.8119.

This is a wonderful opportunity to enjoy a unique concert and support art in the community! See you there!!!

It’s been an ursine week in the Dominion of Bernalwood.

Although one faux stoner bear was rejected in his attempt to buy weed from the Bernal Heights Collective, another bear became the talk of the west slope after making himself at home on one of the Esmeralda terraces.

For the last several days, the Bernalwood Action News team has been deluged by a steady stream of photographs that show a large stuffed bear in various stages of repose. The first bear sighting happened early on Monday, when Neighbor Andi sent the photo you see up above.

Later on Monday, Neighbor Karen witnessed a bear coffeeklatch:

By Monday afternoon, the local children had taken an interest in the creature:

On Tuesday, Neighbor Lee caught the bear taking a nap while enjoying some light reading:

Neighbor @Valjoy9 gave him a hashtag: #bernalbear:

Neighbor Erin snapped this one on Wednesday night:

Neighbor Andrew reports the bear acquired a new wardrobe on Thursday morning:

And Neighbor Deborah says he was still there to enjoy the sunset last night:

All in all this is pretty cool. But please, don’t mention any of it to Duane from Wildlife Emergency Services. Shhhhhhhhhhh.

PS: One final bit of Bernal bear news. Just a few days remain to get in on the Panda Coat Kickstarter Campaign, which also enjoys a Bernal connection. Bernal Heights furries, please take note:

Over at MissionMission, La Lengua propagandist Burrito Justice discovers that trying to buy medical marijuana at the Bernal Heights dispensary while dressed in a bear costume is generally frowned-upon:

One of those days where you get to play “Is it Halloween or just San Francisco?”

Sadly I missed two epic moments — one of him as the door was opened, with his arms spread wide, and another with his head slung low after the door was closed.

Somewhere in the Tahoe area, a marmot is probably chuckling smugly.

via Mission Mission

Sadly, Neighbor Laurel is moving away.

She’s packing up her dog, and her husband, and her dog, and her bird, and selling their house to leave Bernal Heights. Awww. 

We’ll miss her. Before she goes, however, Bernalwood asked Neighbor Laurel to write down some parting thoughts to reflect on the time she spent here. Here’s what she said:

San Francisco has always been known for its neighborhoods and the particular sort of people who live in each of them. Any midwestern tourist sporting a ten dollar Alcatraz Triathalon t-shirt could give you a quick character sketch of the Marina, Nob Hill, and Haight populations, but if you asked them about Bernal Hill, they couldn’t do the same — and not just because the hop on/hop off quacking cable cars don’t roll up this way, either. They wouldn’t be able to do it, because Bernal (and the people who reside here) defy categorization.

Sure, some might say the Bernal is mainly made up of adorable babies. BABIES. EVERYWHERE. But then again, others claim that there aren’t any humans living here at all — only dogs. I heard a rumor once that Bernal is a lesbian neighborhood, but I think Bernal’s gay male population would beg to differ. Some folks say Bernal is for families, and while it’s true that it seems like a great place to raise a kid, I have been a guest at (and may have possibly even hosted) some fairly debauched happenings on this sweet lil hill. Lately, some say Bernal is changing, getting uppity and is downright losing its charm.

As my heterosexual life partner Brett, our bulldog Manchester and parrot Pixel (See? Straight, human, child-free and not all dogs) prepare to cash in our chips and ride the Bernal property gold rush right on out of the state of California, I hear saw blades turning all over the neighborhood and wonder if this changing tide will somehow irrevocably alter Bernal’s magical blend. That thought does make me sad. But, moping around is for suckers, so I tear off those fear-of-gentrification pants, slap on my thinking cap and recollect . . .

When the New Wheel first opened, I thought maybe the mustachioed fixie army down in the flats would retrofit themselves with the power assist motors needed to climb Cortland and swarm our peaceful streets. Didn’t happen. When Four Star Video announced they were closing, I was bummed – and then Ken and Amy turned it into just about the greatest plant store, ever! When Sandbox Bakery opened their doors I thought, “Here come the snotty baristas and overpriced pastries” and — well, at least they installed some pretty comfortable benches!

And while its true that the Prize Pocket, library mural, the marmot, hilltop piano and wafting stench of Skip’s Tavern may have faded into the mists of time, you holdouts (and recent arrivals) shouldn’t fret — while there are certainly changes ahead, no matter who or what lives on this hill, that undefinable Bernal magic is forever. Bernal magic — oh, and Hunan Chef.

Thanks for the memories!
xo
Laurel May

All the best, Neighbor Laurel, and welcome to the Bernal Heights Alumni Network.

PHOTO: Manchester and Pixel, by Laurel May