UPDATED: Bernal Dads Drive World’s Fastest Cookie In 24 Hours of LeMons Race

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As you read this now, your Bernalwood editor is embedded with the Bernal Dads Racing team at Sonoma Raceway, in preparation for the 24 Hours of LeMons race that is set to take place this weekend.

The Bernal Dads have arrived here to field their brand-new crapcan race car, a 1987 Alfa Romeo Milano acquired on the cheap from the estate of a deceased gentleman in Marin.

Entering an Italian car in a grueling endurance race that places a premium on reliability and spare parts availability suggests a serious lack of good judgement; a perception confirmed by their unholy decision to transform the Alfa Romeo Milano into a V6-powered bag of eponymous cookies:

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On the positive side, the roof-mounted cookie may help increase aerodynamic stability at speed.

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The interior demonstrates a similar commitment to precision engineering and fine Italian craftsmanship:

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Wish the Bernal Dads luck on the track. They’re driving a fuel-injected cookie in a 17 hour, wheel-to-wheel road race, so they’re going to need it.

UPDATE: It raced! Eventually! And it looked delicious:

LeMons Sonoma 2014

LeMons Sonoma 2014

PHOTOS: Bernal Dads Racing

If You Buy This 1968 Ford F250 in Bernal Heights, It Will Change Your Life

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If the whole Prius scene is starting to seem a little passé, and the Tesla thing is a little too rich, and the Mazda5 minivan still feels a little emasculating (even with the manual transmission), have no fear! Someone in Bernal Heights is selling a vehicle on Craigslist that could be the perfect solution both for your transportation needs and your identity issues:

If you’re looking for a nice tidy truck for your commute down to Cupertino, this ain’t the truck for you, in fact do yourself a favor and just stop reading now, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.

If you’re looking for a truck to hang fake balls off the rear bumper, this ain’t the truck for you, instead, you’re gonna need a real pair of big ass balls to drive this bad boy. In fact to even be considered for to own this truck, you need to be able to prove that someone, somewhere has described you as a “Manbeast”. Now I know some people might think that’s a sexist thing to say, so let me also say that this steel monster will also appeal to a special kind of woman, and the girl who shows up in this truck is gonna bring in the kind of cowpoke who’s good with a rope (as they say).

“That sounds harsh” you say, and I warned you to stop reading this, but here we are. This truck was built in San Jose, by certified badasses and it’s stamped out of metal so thick that these wussy new aluminum trucks will crumble like beer cans if you park too close. This machine is powered by a 390 big block V8, I said BIG BLOCK MOTHERFUCKER! This truck is smog exempt, but it has never been hot rodded, it goes along just fine.

It has twin I-beams with fresh king pins up front and a Dana 60 in the back (with 3.54 gears!). It’s running a set of recent oversize tires on wide steel rims and it has power disk brakes. You can carry full sized sheets of plywood or sheetrock or more than one man-sized motorcycle in the back with the tailgate up. It also has a class 3 hitch so you can pull a trailer too. Being the camper special model it features the handy bedside treasure chest.

You want a place to plug in your laptop? I thought I told you to get lost! There’s plenty of room in the cab for you, your lady friend, your hound dog and your lever gun, but you’ll be listening to AM radio (and thank god it’s almost baseball season!) and if you want air, just pop the vents or roll down the windows and quit your bitching.

This truck has spent its life in noble service in the San Francisco Bay area and runs and drives great, it’s wearing its original paint, with some minor dents, dings and paint chips, almost too shiny to call “patina”. There’s no rust other than some surface rust in the bed and hither and yon and the frame and body mounts are straight and level. It ain’t no Prius, it gets milage in the low two digits and it holds almost 50 gallons of gas in two tanks. I have extensive receipts from the previous (second) owner who had the engine and transmission rebuilt, the carburetor replaced and the front end rebuilt and many other things.

Does it have issues? Are you kidding me? If you’re still reading this you know that you’ll need to know your way around tool box for a vehicle this old, but not very often. The only slight issues are a non-functioning fuel gauge and a bit of leakage from the power steering pump and the transmission.

I’m only selling it because I need cash to fight an eviction, I want $2,200 but I’m open to offers that aren’t too absurd or degrading.

Hat Tip: Neighbor Samantha

Potrero Photographer Captures Spooky Bernal Hill Moonrise

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Bernalwood loves the work of photographer Daniel Leu, because he doesn’t live in Bernal.

What we mean is… it would be great if he did live in Bernal. But he doesn’t. Instead, Daniel hails from Potrero, so instead of taking amazing photos from Bernal Heights, Daniel instead takes amazing photos of Bernal Heights. Which actually works out rather well for us.

For example, last night, Daniel set out to take a photo of the moon rising behind Bernal Hill:

A low layer of clouds blocked the moonrise a bit, but eventually the moon showed up. The bottom part of the moon is still hidden by some clouds. But this makes it a bit more interesting as well than just having the plain moon.

Boom!  Right? It’s all about the perspective.

Check out his blog post; Daniel also took a dusk photo of Bernal Hill that’s so beautiful it will make you crave a chilled glass of fine white wine.

Meanwhile, we would like to nominate photographer Daniel Leu to become an Honorary Citizen of Bernalwood. Is there a second?

PHOTO: Daniel Leu

You’re Invited to the Glamorous Leonard R. Flynn School Fundraiser, Saturday

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The PTA at Leonard R. Flynn Elementary School on Precita Park is having their annual fundraiser tomorrow, Saturday March 15. Neighbor Jeff extends the invitation:

This Saturday night the Leonard R. Flynn PTA will be hosting its 3rd annual “Viva la Noche” fundraiser with music, hors d’oeuvres, wine, and a silent auction.

Bid on all manner of Bernal local favorites and food, gift certificates, vacations, wine, massages, and more!

Saturday, March 15, 2014


 7:00pm until 11:00pm
@ Mars Bar, 798 Brannan Street, SF, CA 94103

Tickets are $25 in advance/ $30 at the door.

Silent Auction info viewable right here.

About the PTA and the School:
Flynn is the elementary school that borders on Precita Park. We serve close to 500 students from Kindergarten to 5th grade in both Spanish immersion and English language programs.

The mission of our school is to promote excellence in education and create a nurturing learning environment for our students. Over 65% of our students come from low-income families who qualify for free or reduced cost breakfast and lunch.

Donations to the PTA fund the programs that the district is not able to provide — things that many of us would consider essentials for a decent education for our kids:

* Physical Education – a program from Playworks that promotes physical health and social development
* Sciences – programs in partnership with Mission High School, plus gardening, and water conservation
* Arts Enrichment – Visual arts, Dance and Music education

Your donation is fully tax-deductible. Leonard R Flynn PTA is a non-profit tax-exempt organization as defined by IRS code section 501 (c)(3) and our non-profit tax I.D # is 56-2587473.

More info on our Facebook page.

PHOTO: Leonard R. Flynn Elementary School, by Jeff Luszcz

If San Francisco Is Becoming New York? And If So, What Is Bernal Heights Becoming?

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This week, New York magazine, which is rather popular in (wait for it…) New York, decided to do a special series of articles about San Francisco under a banner that asks, “Is San Francisco New York?

Your Bernalwood editor has deep Manhattan DNA (and a birth certificate to prove it), so we do not believe this to be a sincere question — no matter how much change-induced anxiety might exist at the present time. Nevertheless, included within New York’s story package is a piece by Mac McClelland entitled “Bernal Heights: A Gold-Rush Eviction Tale”:

It was a day last May, more than six years into my residence in the city, when I realized I was soon going to be out of a place to live. Our landlord—a shady, nonsocial guy I heard barking at his wife sometimes in the apartment where they lived above me—had sold our house. It wasn’t even on the market. San Francisco has some of the best tenants-rights laws in the country, but there were still ways we could be ejected. The buyers could move a family member into our apartment. They could take all the units—in our building, there were a total of three—off the rental market through the Ellis Act, which people had lately used to turn formerly rent-controlled units into exorbitantly priced for-sale condos. Ellis evictions were up 170 percent over the previous three years, evictions overall up 38 percent.

But there were other, uncounted cases. In ours, our new landlord, a hip-looking gal around my age who worked at Google, asked us if we would just leave. She said she just didn’t really feel like having tenants. Then she filed a lawsuit against us, alleging we were “causing substantial interference with the comfort, safety, and enjoyment” of others in the building. She said if we signed some papers and vacated, the lawsuit would go away. She called it a “dummy lawsuit”; it sounded so friendly.

“You said you didn’t want to fight, but here we are fighting!” she yelled at me when I called her to talk about this, her voice cracking.

… you know where this is going, right?

Bernalwood reached out to writer Mac McClelland to follow-up on the  particulars. Where did she live in Bernal? And where did she end up?

On the bright(ish) side, Bernal celebrity author (and homeowner) Liz Weil also has a piece in the package: Ocean Beach: New-Money Surfers Wipe Out Old S.F.

MAP: Via Visual.ly

Loudmouth Bernal Heights Frogs Want Sex, Won’t Shut Up

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Everyone knows Bernal Heights is home to lots of dogs. And some cats. And some dissident parrots. But Neighbor Lori is playing host to some really chatty Bernal Heights frogs:

They are Pacific Chorus Frogs, in my backyard pond. It ‘s breeding season, and they are loudmouths! The males make a lot of noise, mostly at night. They stop if I get too close. They are native to the Bernal area and were rescued from behind an industrial shop. I’ve had the pond about five years or so, and every spring during the breeding season they sing. They are hard to see, because they are so tiny. But in the summer when it gets dry I find them camped out around the garden hose.

These frogs are small, but they make a big noise. Here’s Neighbor Lori’s recording of the frog chorus in her back yard:

PHOTO: Frog in Neighbor Lori’s backyard, by Neighbor Lori

Two Quirky Bernal Heights Houses, Now for Sale

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Two homes have come up for sale in Bernal Heights, and both are rather unique.

We’ll start with 4021 Folsom, a wacky little house that has always appealed to Neighbor Victoria. She lives on Precita, but she passes this place on the way to the Farmer’s Market, and she has long been smitten by it. Now she’s noticed it’s for sale:

My absolute FAVORITE house in Bernal is on the market- for a cool half-mill.  It is itty bitty- an adorable 650 square feet with a backyard that’s probably 20 sq ft lol. It was previously overgrown with an epic amount of morning glories (which were chopped down to make it more desirable??? ::whimper::) and it lost it’s gingerbread house appeal, sadly.  Maybe it will make a great home for a single dude millionaire??  It’s pretty raw inside (the loft??) and seems like someone’s been livin easy in there for a while!
I’m planning a drive-by morning glory seed bombing regardless, to restore it to it’s former greatness! haha

Banzai!! No tightass interior staging for 4021 Folsom; it’s totally WYSIWYG:

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Meanwhile, the other home, also just listed, is 124 Mullen.

It’s a favorite of mine, because it’s basically a midcentury Lake Tahoe chalet, right here in the City. Check out the view from the inside:

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Sure it needs a little freshening up, but tell me you: THIS is the house where you’ll want to be for the apres ski party after a ripping day on the slopes at Ski Bernalwood. It’s a 1948 sq ft 2 BR, starting at $1m. Lift tickets sold separately.

Hat Tip: Miss Sally at CurbedSF

Starting TONIGHT: Stand-Up Comedy at the Lucky Horseshoe

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As if living in Bernal Heights wasn’t comedy enough, there’s a new stand-up comedy night happening at the Lucky Horseshoe on Cortland every Tuesday this month, starting TONIGHT, Tuesday March 4.

The evenings are called Comedy at Dusk, and co-host Neighbor Clara Bijl does the intro:

Ian Williams and I (both Bernal Heights locals) will bring stand up comedy to Cortland every Tuesday in March, 7pm to 9pm.

And here’s the line-up for Tuesday March 4th:

Hosted by Ian Williams

Speaking of which, Neighbor Ian wants to explain …

Just so you know, most of my material is geared for the north-slope crowd, who are my people. I have recently taken the time to interact with south-slopers like Clara, and find them to be decent people, although Redfin might disagree. Clara and I have become bi-slopal and hope our show can bring the community together. We hope that one day, there will be no slope, which currently only exists in algebra (and I couldn’t explain it to you.)

Folks, they’re here all month!

Rainbow Alert! Downtown Rainbow Strike Observed from Bernal Hill

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Rainbow Alert! Rainbow Alert! Rainbow Alert!

The Bernalwood Rainbow Situation Control Facility is tracking a Category Four rainbow event that was captured moments ago by Neighbor Kendall’s 11 year-old daughter.

Initial calculations suggest the rainbow may have touched down in the Financial District. Motorists in the area are advised to drive with caution, as pedestrians may be euphoric and disoriented.

PHOTO: Neighbor Kendall’s daughter

Dialog Between Housing Rights Activists and Tech Workers Yields Little Dialog

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There was a community discussion of sorts in Bernal Heights on Tuesday night.

The topic was gentrification, evictions, and technology workers — and the interrelationship between the three — and the discussion took place at Virgil’s, the tasty new(isn) bar on Mission at Precita. Our D9 Supervisor, David Campos, was there, along with several housing rights activists and some people who work in tech.

Bernalwood doesn’t recall receiving an invite (grrrrrrrr) , but thankfully Ellen Huet from the SF Chronicle was there, and she described the scene:

The Tech Workers Against Displacement Happy Hour, led by a union organizer and a tech worker, had advertised itself as a place where tech workers “sick of being blamed for S.F.’s housing crisis” could come together to find solutions. As representatives from neighborhood groups took turns at the mike in Virgil’s Sea Room, some solutions emerged: volunteer at an advocacy group, or help Supervisor David Campos, who was there gathering support for his proposed tax on landlords who evict using the Ellis Act.

When it came time for the tech workers to say their piece, hands shot up. The man who interrupted earlier said he didn’t know, beyond suggestions to build a website for nonprofits, what he could to do to help. (“You could listen!” another man shouted.)

Brian Hanlon, a 31-year-old Forest Service employee, told tech workers to leverage their companies’ resources and encourage employers to “do the right thing.”

“If your firm is having trouble finding a great new acquisition target and they have tons of money sitting around, maybe you can encourage them to donate some of that to these (housing) nonprofits as well,” he said.

Wait. What?? Mr. Hanlon’s idea is nonsensical, so maybe it was just a flight of fancy. Still, rhetorical logic aside, a shakedown proposal seems like a counter-productive way to begin a constructive dialog.

Apparently, things never really got much better:

Several tech workers said they were encouraged by the night but still weren’t quite sure how to help such a complex problem right away without measurable goals or problems to solve.

And others were discouraged by the us-versus-them attitude. Brett Welch, a 30-year-old Australian transplant who founded a video startup, said he was heckled by a woman in the crowd who accused him of not having lived in San Francisco long enough.

“I said, ‘How do you even know that?’ She goes, ‘I just do,’ ” said Welch, who has lived in San Francisco for five years. “And I’m like, ‘No, you don’t. You have no idea how long someone’s been here.’ It’s just very polarized.”

The first meeting wasn’t very productive, he said, but it could accomplish one thing.

“I really want people to see that I have a face, and I have feelings, and I love the neighborhood that I live in,” he said. “And I don’t want to see people kicked out.”

Ah well. It would appear that what the evening lacked in neighborly warmth or problem-solving substance, it no doubt made up for in tribal solidarity, high-decibel “awareness-building,” and emotional catharsis.  Knowing Virgil’s, the cocktails were probably damn good too.

On the bright side, the Chronicle says David Campos helped organize the meeting, and he used it to make a campaign stop, so at least one attendee had a productive evening.

UPDATE: San Francisco mag also did a thorough write up on the event:

There’s one thing you need to know about last night’s “Tech Against Displacement” event in the Mission: It was not organized by tech. It was, to put it politely, a clever bit of wordplay to call it “Tech Against Displacement.” For instead of members of the tech community reaching out to solve San Francisco’s affordability and eviction problems, the people who showed up were largely the standard array of activists who’ve been hectoring techies about the woes that they’ve visited on the city.

It was only when the activists ceded the mic to actual techies in the later half of the event that some progress was made: Instead of talking at your tech neighbors, how about, you know, talking to them?

PHOTOS: Brant Ward for The Chronicle

UPDATED: Explosion, Fire in Bayshore Alarms Bernal Neighbors

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Details are just beginning to stream in, but a massive explosion and fire in the Bayshore District has created huge plumes of smoke visible over Bernal Heights. The SFFD is responding a three-alarm blaze at an auto body shop on the 2100 block of Jerrold Avenue.

UPDATE: KCBS reporter Doug Sovern says the fire took place at the Luxor Cab facility:

The SF Appeal just published their story:

1:15 PM: A three-alarm fire has destroyed a service garage for a cab company in San Francisco’s Bayview District, fire and company officials said today.

The fire, reported at 11:53 a.m., has been contained but not fully extinguished as of shortly after 1 p.m., fire department spokeswoman Mindy Talmadge said.

The blaze caused the roof to collapse at the building, which was still smoldering this afternoon, Talmadge said.

Charles Rathbone, assistant manager with Luxor Cab Co., said the fire destroyed a service garage on Upton Street that the company used for maintenance and repairs.

“It’s a total loss,” Rathbone said.

He said all employees inside the building escaped without any injuries.

However, he said, “We lost a bunch of cars in there, including a beautiful 1938 Plymouth we had hoped to showcase as part of our history.”

Luxor was one of the city’s first cab companies, operating since 1928.

“It’s nothing that money can’t fix,” Rathbone said of the fire.

Neighbor Steffi saw this view from outside her home:

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This photo by Monique Soltani shows how dramatic the smoke looked, even from Mission Street:

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Bernalwood contributor Joe Thomas captured this remarkable video from his east-facing observation post:

PHOTOS: Top, Tom Saffell. Aerial photo by KTVU. Fireball by Neighbor Steffi. View from Mission, Monique Soltani

First Openly Gay American Idol Contestant Raised in Bernal Heights

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Neighbor Barbara brings the glamorous TV celebrity news that Emkay Nobilette, a contestant on the current American Idol, is an OG Bernal native:

I noticed on sfgate that an SF kid made the top 30. I sent the link to my daughter (away at college) who recognized her as her schoolmate at Buena Vista who used to live up the street from us on Treat. I haven’t seen her in almost 10 years so had no idea we knew her. Now I have a reason to tune into Idol again!

Emkay Nobilette is also the first openly gay contestant on American Idol. You can watch her sing — and come out — right here:

PHOTO: via Fox/American Idol

Starting Tonight: Beer Week Events at Precita Park Cafe and Rock Bar

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What? You never got around to booking your tickets to Sochi? Which means you missed the opportunity to party with Olympians while having your smartphone hacked by Russian cybterthieves? Lucky for you it’s Beer Week in San Francisco, and two of Bernal’s finest establishments are hosting special beer-themed events.

We start at the Precita Park Cafe at the east end of Precita Park, where Miss Dana invites you to a special beer + food event happening TONIGHT, February 10:

Adam from Deschutes will be onsite giving away free swag to customers and talking about the beers. For those that need Uber rides we have teamed up with Uber and Beer Fest. Customers first ride is free up to $20 if customers use the password PPCBEER. We will be serving beer-battered fish n’chips, pork terrine, grass fed burgers, chili cheese fries. All the fun foods that go with great beer!

Meanwhile, on glamorous 29th Street, Brion from the drinktastic Rock Bar has an entire series of Beer Week events on tap:

Monday Feb 10th6pm – 2am
PABST RODEO SHOW
$4 Beer Flight PBR, Schlitz, Olympia
$6 PBR & Old Crow ALL NIGHT
Country Music will be played
Rodeo Films shown. Yeehaw!

Tuesday Feb 11th 8pm-2am
Uncommon Brewers
An evening of cocktails developed around the Uncommon Brewer’s portfolio
In addition to tasting their line up enjoy a Baltic Wood Buck – Rye, ginger, Absinthe, and Uncommon’s Baltic Poter
Other cocktails will debut – GET IN HERE & GET UNCOMMON

Wednesday Feb 12th 4pm-2am
Speakeasy Tap-TAKEOVER
At Rock Bar we have 4 handles, and we pride ourselves in our curated & rotating selection. For the evening we have given our friends at Speakeasy control! We can’t tell you what will be on TAP – only can assure a few things you have never tried before. PLUS after some time away, we re-introduce our Speakeasy CASK handle!

Thursday Feb 13th 7pm-2am
Oskar Blues & 21st Amendment
Cocktail Night & Tap-TAKEOVER
Another evening of BEER & COCKTAILS here at Rock Bar
From a simple YELLA Collins to a full throttled Spirituous BEAST with 21st Amendment’s Sneak Attack. You would not expect a Saison in the winter, but you can expect Genever and Rye to meld well with the Cardamom Pods used to brew this seasonal brew. An evening of Vintage SURF films and mellow vibes with accompany your beer forward cocktail.

UPDATE: In the comments, Neighbor Steve of the Beer by BART blog, brings news of one more Beer Week happening in Bernal Heights:

There is one other bar, Holy Water, on Cortland that is also playing. They are dedicating all their taps to Avery Brewing all week. Avery is one of the best breweries in the U. S., out of Boulder, CO. I stopped by last night and the beers are great. Several have never been poured in CA.

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PHOTO: Top,  courtesy of Precita Park Cafe