Neighbor Ron spotted this doozy of a parking note attached to a classic motorcycle on Eugenia and Wool this morning.
Three observations about the note itself: 1) The idea of reporting motorcycles for 72 hour parking may be true to the letter of the law, but not the spirit, since bikes take up relatively little urban space; 2) Impressive head-fake on the tone, which starts out friendly and complimentary but ends snippy and unmellow; and 3) Best parking note sign-off ever = Movesoonthanks!
Neighbor Jason found a nightmare-inducing scene high in a tree on the north side:
It appears Christmas and Halloween had a baby in July. Someone has gone to great lengths to decorate the large tree near Coso Gully with dismembered doll parts.
Yikes! *gulp* Is Chucky on the loose in Bernal Heights??
Anyone have any idea what the hell it’s doing there?
And/or, when do the ad-hoc ragtime hilltop sing-alongs begin? Because apparently, that kind of thing is encouraged:
UPDATE, 9:30 PM: Our local pianists are rising to the challenge. Neighbor Heinz reports:
Here is a picture taken today of a lady playing the piano on top of Bernal Hill.. She was playing in front of a small crowd of about 8 -12 people.. There was also another gentleman that played before her.
And check this out! Neighbor Christopher made a movie of someone performing the Star Wars theme!
Neighbor Ros captured another pianist in action at sunset:
Looks like the same pianist, but @ddotkdot captured this stunner:
UPDATE 2 (28 June)
Well, that didn’t take long. Neighbor Jonathan shows us that the Bernal Piano was tagged with graffiti overnight:
Tagging has no impact on the performance of the instrument. It actually adds character to the piano, in my opinion. I got a text about the piano yesterday and got to play a little today in the hot sun!
Neighbor Craig has been admiring some of the feral streets of Bernal Heights; streets so small, or so wonky, or so disjointed that it’s dubious whether they deserve to be called streets at all. Take it away, Neighbor Craig:
I’ve been thinking about the least Street Streets of Bernal Heights. Here are my current favorites:
Joy – one block long, only stairs, but many lovely cottages on those stairs. Next street over is Faith. Paradoxically, the rest of Joy was eliminated when the 101 freeway was built.
Esmeralda – About three blocks – not connected, mysteriously runs between Lundy’s and Prospect, then Winfield and Elsie on the Northwest Slope, mysteriously reappears on near the top of the northeast slope for one block connecting Alabama and Franconia with barely a curve to signal the start and end. At one point the street turns into a SLIDE.
Waltham – basically a driveway for 2 houses near the top of Alabama, one of which is listed on VRBO.
Emmett Ct – A sliver of an alley with 3 houses off of Precita
Heyman Ave – 5 houses between Coleridge and Prospect. It’s a SMALL block, but a real street Rosenkrantz – Famous for being a random sign with no apparent street or even stairs on the southern stretch of Bernal Heights Blvd. However, there are legitimately 5 houses on this street once you dive over a guard rail and dirt road to find it.
Mayflower – I dare you: Just try to find it. ONE house in all of Bernalandia has this street address, but the place where the street possibly lies is actually about 4 short blocks long!
Special recognition goes to Peralta for holding the title as the least contiguous street in Bernal, breaking six times over its course as it winds from the Alemany Farmers Market and ends in a scary stairway 50 feet directly above the Cesar Chavez/101 Hairball.
There has been a change of occupancy in the secret lair on Bocana Street that was until recently home to Bernal’s favorite Bryophyta-Homo Sapien mutantcrossbreed. Neighbor Allison reports:
Thought some of your readers might be interested to know that the meter hole formerly occupied by Mossquatch appears to have been taken over by a new tenant. Fellow goes by the name of Walroctupus.
Bernalwood has learned the new guy’s pad also includes some spiffy special effects. Check it out:
It’s not just cars that attract snippy notes about long-term parking; motorcycles receive them too. Neighbor Fiid noticed a running series of notes plastered on a motorcycle on Bennington Street.
Apart from the initial complaint written on the note above, notice also (at the very top) the plea for leniency based on the bike’s classic stature.
Indeed, on top of all the other notes, the motorcycle even attracted a purchase offer:
So is it a motorcycle, a nuisance, a classic work of design, or a potential acquisition target? Or maybe all four?
Bernal Heights is a magical place, and much of the magic stems from the many ways that Bernal Hill shapes our relationship with the rest of the city.
That generally makes Bernal feel like a place apart. But Neighbor Edward recently found a street sign on Elsie that warns of the myopia our geography can create:
Sometimes we need a reminder that there is a wider world out there. I was walking around the neighborhood, trying to pay attention to what I was seeing (as opposed to what I was thinking), and suddenly I saw it. The sign! Fortunately some prophetic soul at DPW has left this reminder for us on Elsie Street.
Neighbor Lev wonders about a new business on Cortland:
I’m puzzled by the awkward, somewhat self-undermining slogan of the new Chinese massage parlor on Cortland:
Traditional Chinese Massage
We use only Chinese massage and energy to heal, not medicine.
What manner of non-medical healing does traditional Chinese massage bring about? Is medicine now something to be feared or avoided? Perhaps a medical doctor could open up shop next door under the complementary slogan: “We use only Western medicine and money to heal, not massage.”
Moreover, what kind of energy is involved? Is it adequately green and renewable?
With some luck and continued vigilance, we have reason to hope that Bernalwood’s stint on the crime beat will soon be just a bad memory. We’d like that, because it would allow this blog to return to the vapidity and fashion-consciousness that we are all about.
For example, did you hear about the new mixed-media art installation spotted on Cortland this week? Neighbor Beth saw it:
Gotta love Bernal: civic minded, funny, creative, and listens to NPR. Who’s responsible for the “Poop” signs? Someone made up little flags saying ‘Poo’ and applied them to all the offending articles on Cortland. Sorry, I was embarrassed to take a picture.
Shameful.
Not the cute little poop signs — So! Love! Those! — but the reticence about taking a picture. What?? Totally don’t get that. Everyone in Bernal Heights is a paparazzi. Without a photo, no one in Bernal Heights would actually believe that someone planted handy little poop flags on our neighborhood’s most fashionable stretch of sidewalk. It’s just like those clever Millennial kids say: Pics or it didn’t happen!
Luckily, Neighbor Beth later recovered from her squeamishness, and Neighbor Martha never suffered from it. They got the pics, and the pics reassure us: It really happened!! Because it did.
Saw this beauty on my commute down Eugenia stairs. Looks like the offender has been there for a while.
Indeed. Notice also that there is nothing even remotely passive-aggressive about this note — it’s straight-up factual, and bracingly aggro. We respect that.
It’s also meticulously documented. Notice all those detailed check-ins, updates, and times! Judgement here must favor the writer, strictly on the merits.
It happens: Sometimes get-togethers get a little loud. A little drinky. A little out of hand. In a good way… but still. Loud. We understand.
Yet what happens after you host a wildly successful (but rather loud) party determines what kind of neighbor you truly are. This little sidewalk installation on Prospect St. near Virginia demonstrates an excellent technique for properly making amends. The note says:
Dear neighbors,
Thank you for tolerating our loud holiday party last night. Please help yourself to an apologetic brownie.
Bravo, cool party neighbor! Extra style points for the note, which was looks like it was written on an actual typewriter.
Neighbor Esther noticed this abandoned chair on Andover Street over the weekend. The chair is not likely to win design awards anytime soon, but it possesses great poise and an exceptional level of enlightenment regarding its own fate:
Along with green grass and seasonal flowers, the winter rains have also spawned some unusual topiary in the Dominion of Bernalwood — including this chair, which sprouted overnight atop Bernal Hill.
I’m no arborist, but that appears to be a Wingback Beigeicus, an ancient species that’s native tothis region.
Meanwhile, with typically keen insight, La Lengua rebel spokesblogger (and Sutro Tower fetishist) Burrrito Justice was able to ascertain the true reason why Mother Nature brought this chair into our lives:
Ah, I get it: the chair atop Bernal is in fact a Sutro viewing station. http://t.co/M7HY7rzd
Bernalwood 