Shotwell Neighbors Exasperated by Public Pooping Guy

September 25, 2017September 25, 2017 / Todd_Lappin / 59 Comments

There’s a public toilet nearby, but this man prefers to poop on Shotwell Street. (Photo: A neighbor)

Bernal neighbors who live along Shotwell near Cesar Chavez are frustrated with a bearded man who frequently poops on the southwest corner of their street.

A Shotwell neighbor writes:

Alas, we have a consistent public pooper at the corner of Shotwell and Cesar Chavez.

He poops fully waist-down naked in the same spot about three or so times a week, leaving behind a big giant mess about a half block from the preschool.. Urgh.

We ask Bernalwood readers to call the police if they see him. That isn’t generally my approach, but it’s gotten out of hand, and I have tried to ask him to stop on many occasions.

UPDATE Sept 25, 7 pm: In response to some of the comments on this post, the Bernal neighbor who shared the photo of the man provides some additional context:

I knew that the post was going to get some controversy and agree with many of the folks who posted that calling the police is mostly NOT the right response when it comes to homelessness. But I also agree that there aren’t a lot of good responses.

I have watched small kids walk past this guy when he is doing his doo – and very very exposed. I have talked to him – he is both very mentally ill but also well enough to make clear to me that he is making a point by doing what he is doing and is fully aware of his actions.

The school down the street have complained very regularly and to no avail. I will also be trying to reach out to the Nav Center and have tried to reach out to St. Anthony’s – so far, of no avail.

Is citing him going to do anything? Possibly not, but something has to be tried and maybe, just maybe, a citation might be a disincentive – I honestly don’t know but have been at a loss.

If I had a good answer to these kinds of problems, and I wish I did, I would have [SF Department of Homelessness and Supportive Housing director] Jeff Kozitsky’s job.. But alas, it is, as one reader points out, a federal problem that trickles down to a city problem that trickles down to the challenges we see in SF and most major cities these days.

Eat! Drink! Celebrate! It’s Old Devil Moon’s First Anniversary

September 22, 2017September 22, 2017 / Todd_Lappin / 3 Comments

This week, the fabulous Old Devil Moon at 3472 Mission (near Cortland) will celebrate its first anniversary. Hooray! Congrats!

The big first-anniversary bash happens this Saturday, Sept. 23, but Old Devil Moon has a series of events lined up for this week. Co-owner Chris Cohen wants to tell you all about them:

Old Devil Moon is one year-old, and we want to invite our Bernal neighbors to join the celebration. We couldn’t do what we do without your support.

We’re having a anniversary event on Saturday, Sept. 23 from noon to 2AM featuring an insane list of rare and special beer. We’re also releasing permanent updated food and cocktail menus to ring in year two.

ODM is rolling out an updated food menu. We’re retaining established hits such as the Fried Gulf Shrimp, Oyster Rockefeller, Fried Chicken, and Roast Beef Po Boys. New dishes include: Fried Pickle Spears made with Paulie’s Pickling ODM pickles; a Louisiana Hot Link Po Boy; a BBQ Beef Sando; a super juicy ODM Cheeseburger made with two ¼ lb patties; & Devil’s Pups, hush puppies topped with powdered sugar, Ghirardelli chocolate, & whipped cream.

We’re also rolling out an updated cocktail menu that keeps old favorites but adds lots of new options including: the Devil’s Daiquiri, a rhum agricole daiquiri with Averna; the Bitter Mai Tai, made with Campari and Jamaican rum; a classic Boulevardier on draft; the Spirit Raiser, our tequila-based take on a Corpse Reviver; The Moon Also Rises, our mezcal-based take on a The Sun Also Rises; plus a few others. Our cocktails will remain in the $8-11 range they’ve always been in.

At the anniversary party we’ll also be grilling 1/4 lb Coney Dogs on the back patio until 4PM (with our newly updated food menu going into effect from 6PM to midnight). Live music will be provided by local bluesman Derek Fairchild starting at 7PM. We’ll have new ODM tees available featuring a ouija board inspired design.

After all that, we’re also doing an Oktoberfest + Sloppy Seconds event from Thursday Sept. 28 through Saturday Sept. 30. The “Sloppy Seconds” refers to the fact that we’ll be tapping all the remaining kegs of awesome beer on tap from our 1 Year Anniversary event, so folks who missed that event will get a second shot at trying a bunch of them (with 20 special kegs on for the anniversary, undoubtedly most will be pouring a few days later). We’ll also be pouring a bunch of German lagers and doing special Bratwurst Po Boys.

PHOTO: Old Devil Moon, courtesy of Brett Walker

See the Film Adaptation of Neighbor Clane Hayward’s Childhood Memoir

September 20, 2017 / Todd_Lappin / 1 Comment

Still from Lane 1974, a film adaptation of Neighbor Clane’s memoir.

Neighbor Clane Hayward is a Bernal resident on Gates Street who wrote a memoir called “The Hypocrisy of Disco.” The book chronicles her chaotic childhood spent growing up with hippie parents while shuffling between communes in Northern California.

Neighbor Clane’s book was recently adapted into a film called Lane 1974, and the film will premiere on October 9 at the Alamo Drafthouse on Mission Street as part of the 2017 Litquake Festival.

Neighbor Clane told Bernalwood what it was like to have her book transformed into a film:

Seeing The Hypocrisy of Disco adapted for film and then becoming a whole new story as Lane 1974 has been SUCH a trip.

When SJ Chiro, the director, first got in touch with me, I told her that I always saw the book as a film. In my mind, the first page, in which a group of feral hippie kids jump off a porch, was set in slow motion like in Goodfellas.

To see it now in film after SJ put years of work into it, as an entirely new story, is — I can’t even find the right words — stellar. The stories are different. They’re both dark and visceral. The movie has its own pacing and the book has its own unique vernacular.

But where the book is a tale of a disintegrating center, the movie is the story of a girl who is forced to become her own center. The young actress, Sophia Mitri Schloss, is brilliant, speaking volumes with her face alone.

The best part about the movie is how truly good it is, despite being made with baling wire, luck, chewing gum, donations, and fervent prayers. The best part about my book is that it’s available at our Bernal branch library!

Alas, the debut screening for Lane 1974, at 7 pm on Oct. 9 is already sold out.. But you can still buy tickets for the 10 pm screening, right here. That’s also expected to sell out, so you’re advised to hurry. Hurry!

Bonus! Here’s the trailer for the film:

Mystery Solved: Glittery “Dream” Sign Is a New Art Installation

September 18, 2017September 18, 2017 / Todd_Lappin / 4 Comments

Last week, a few befuddled Bernalwood readers shared news that a new sign was installed in Alemanistan, on an exposed slope in southeast Bernal Heights, right next to the big billboard that overlooks the 101/280 “Spaghetti Bowl” interchange and the Alemany Farmer’s Market.

The sign sits just below the intersection of Bradford and Jarboe, and it spells out “DREAM” in glamorous, glittery silver letters.

Neighbor Lupe wrote, “I’m curious because the installation of this new sign, art, billboard… whatever it is, was clearly a very expensive endeavor, and it was professionally installed. A team of men dug holes for cement piers, assembled the sign itself, and used a huge boom to lift the sign from Peralta onto the hill!”

Neighbor Samir shared this photo of the installation, with the boom lift in operation:

DREAM sign installation, as photographed by Neighbor Samir

Neigbor Donna also noticed the installation, which she said reminded her of “letters à la the Hollywood sign.”

(Which is to say, it’s also – cough! cough! – à la the Bernalwood sign.)

Thus intrigued, we mobilized the Bernalwood Investigates™ News Team over the weekend. Here’s what we learned:

The basic facts check out just as described; There really is a glamorous, glittery new “DREAM” sign overlooking the Spaghetti Bowl, and it was clearly built to last, with a sturdy steel frame embedded in concrete foundations.

Fortuitously, while were on the scene Bernalwood interviewed a neighbor who had spoken with the installation crew. The neighbor said he’d been told the new sign was authorized by the San Francisco Department of Public Works, while the sign itself was built under the auspices of a local arts organization.

With that tip in hand, Bernalwood Investigates™ rushed back to the newsroom. A few minutes of searching on the BernalWeb revealed that the sign was designed by artist Ana Teresa Fernández, with support from the fabulous Yerba Buena Center for the Arts (YBCA).

Even better, we also learned that an unveiling ceremony for the piece will happen this Friday, Sept. 22, from 11 am – 1 pm at the Alemany Farmer’s Market.

Here’s the project overview, as detailed in YBCA’s media release:

Yerba Buena Center for the Arts (YBCA) announced today the upcoming unveiling of DREAM, a public art installation by visual artist Ana Teresa Fernández, commissioned by YBCA and co-sponsored by San Francisco Public Works. Facing San Francisco’s Excelsior District, the sculpture will serve as a public expression of YBCA’s ongoing partnership with the area. Composed of ten-foot-high block letters spelling out the word DREAM, the shimmering sculpture will be situated on the hill above the Alemany Food Market and will be seen by commuters going to and from San Francisco at the Highway 101-Highway 280 merge.

A public unveiling of the sculpture will be held on Friday, September 22, 2017, 11 am–1 pm at the Alemany Farmer’s Market, located at 100 Alemany Blvd. The event will feature performances by students from Martin Luther King Jr. Middle School and Bessie Carmichael Elementary, where YBCA has provided civically engaged arts education programs since 2015. […]

Two years in the making, the DREAM sculpture is located less than a mile from Martin Luther King Jr. Middle School and will be installed near the intersection of the unimproved streets of Jarboe and Peralta. The sculpture, spelling out the word DREAM, is attached to a support system on the south side of Bernal Heights facing Bayshore Blvd. its facade consists of metallic disks that create a visual effect of three-dimensional shimmering water.

Explains artist Ana Teresa Fernández, “At Bayshore hill, and beneath two heavily transited freeway overpasses, sits an industrial building whose bottom half is entirely upholstered by graffiti tags that spell out the word DREAM. This graffiti is a creative epitaph to one of the best-known and most beloved graffiti writers and peace fighters from the Bay Area, Mike “Dream” Francisco of Oakland, who was killed in the year 2000. I was inspired to take the text and create a three-dimensional version higher up on the hill, like the Hollywood sign in Los Angeles. Instead of casting your hopes on fame or notoriety, this would be a sign to compel individuals—not just the widely mixed-race population that inhabits and transits through this area, but all individuals who come across it—to start identifying their goals and aspirations, from a place of consciousness and awareness, and to begin the process of pursuing them.”

Saturday Eve: Sing Along With Disney’s “Moana” in Precita Park

September 15, 2017September 14, 2017 / Todd_Lappin / 3 Comments

The mythical island of Motonui is a loooooong way from Bernal Heights, but you can go there during a free screening of Disney’s “Moana” in Precita Park on Saturday evening.

Neighbor Dan works for California Pacific Medical Center (CPMC), and he tells Bernalwood there’s a sing-along film screening of Moana happening:

Yes, it’s that time of the year again—Movies in the Park.

California Pacific Medical Center (CPMC) will again host the annual family movie night in Precita Park.

“Moana” will be shown on Saturday, Sept. 16 at Precita Park, at 7 pm

The first 250 attendees will receive a special goodie bag (one per family).

Kids are invited to dress in costume and join the movie fun. Grab your picnic blanket, pack some snacks and join us for a family night of fun!

Visit our website for more details.

IMAGE: Photo illustration by Bernalwood

Ambitious Turtle Seeks Adventure Beyond College Hill Reservoir

September 14, 2017 / Todd_Lappin / 2 Comments

Why did the turtle cross the road?

To seek life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, obviously.

Neighbor Darryl shared this video of a very determined turtle that has been spotted several times emigrating from the College Hill Reservoir near Holly Park. Neighbor Darryl says:

This little guy escaped from his Holly Park Refuge on Tuesday. Turns out this is the third time he’s flown the coop or the pond or whatever.

Neighbor Darryl also captured the turtle’s bold flight to freedom in this insanely dramatic video:

CPMC To Keep Inpatient Nursing Beds In San Francisco After St. Luke’s Facility Closes

September 13, 2017September 12, 2017 / Todd_Lappin / 2 Comments

This article was reported and written by Sara Gaiser from Hoodline.

Bowing to pressure from city officials and family members, California Pacific Medical Center yesterday announced it will continue to care for patients in its sub-acute nursing unit even after the planned closure of the old St. Luke’s Hospital building at 3555 Cesar Chavez in the Mission, where it’s now based.

The announcement marks a sharp turnaround for hospital officials, who until now had said they had no space for the sub-acute unit, which provides long-term care for medically fragile patients who require around-the-clock nursing but are well enough to be discharged from the hospital.

The hospital’s plans to shut down 39 skilled nursing beds and 40 sub-acute beds at St. Luke’s by the end of October produced an outcry when they were announced in June because it would have left the city with no sub-acute beds.

Construction is currently underway for a new120-bed, 215,000 square foot hospital facility on the St. Luke’s campus. The closure of the sub-acute unit was part of a planned transition into the new building, which is expected to open in 2018. When the transition is complete, CPMC plans to tear down the legacy hospital tower that currently stands at 3555 Cesar Chavez. St. The new building is not slated to include sub-acute care beds.

Family members of patients testified at a hearing sponsored by D11 Supervisor Ahsha Safai and D9 Supervisor Hillary Ronen in July that they were struggling to find beds in the Bay Area. Some feared patients could be moved as far as Sacramento or Southern California.

“After several meetings with our patients and their families, and after consulting with city leaders, we have decided to provide continued care to these patients within the CPMC organization here in San Francisco,” said CPMC CEO Warren Browner.

“We hope that this solution will give families peace of mind, knowing that their loved ones will continue to receive the highest quality care here in the city, where they can easily visit and support them.”

The unit closure was part of a planned transition into a new 120-bed, 215,000 square foot campus for St. Luke’s expected to open in 2018, and had been approved by state health officials. CPMC is also building a new 274-bed facility at Van Ness Avenue and Geary.

“I think CPMC came to the right decision to accommodate these patients and their needs,” Safai said. “It’s hard to argue that when you’re building 400 new beds of hospital space that you can’t shift things around.”

The announcement does not solve the city’s larger problems, however, as it only covers existing patients and does not provide any new sub-acute beds.

“There is still a gaping hole in our healthcare system in San Francisco and that’s the complete lack of sub-acute care beds into the future,” as well as a shortage in the number of skilled nursing beds, Ronen said.

A city task force released a report in February of 2016 that found the aging population, the high cost of doing business in the city and low reimbursement rates, especially for Medi-Cal, have created a shortage of sub-acute and skilled nursing beds.

The report made recommendations including exploring new funding, incentives and land use policies for care providers, looking at public-private partnerships and working to transfer some patients to more community-based care in their homes.

A hearing scheduled for the Board of Supervisors meeting Tuesday to examine the proposed closure will look at these wider issues, Ronen said.

IMAGE: St. Luke’s Hospital at 3555 Cesar Chavez, via Google Maps

SFPD Begins Foot Patrols in Bernal Heights

September 11, 2017 / Todd_Lappin / 10 Comments

Officers from the San Francisco Police Department have started foot patrols in Bernal Heights, says Capt. Joseph McFadden from SFPD’s Ingleside Station.

Via Neighbor Sarah, Bernal’s valiant volunteer crime correspondent, Bernalwood has learned that two officers have been permanently assigned to the new foot patrols, which began last weekend.

The Bernal foot patrols will be conducted by Officer Al Chan and Officer Kevin Endo, and Capt. McFadden encourages Bernal neighbors to get to know the officers. “Please stop them and say hello,” he says.

McFadden says new foot patrols will mainly focus on Cortland Avenue, but the officers can walk around the area if there are problems elsewhere. Recently, neighbors have reported seeing SFPD foot patrols on Bernal Hill as well.

Capt. McFadden says he plans to add more foot patrol officers in Bernal Heights as more personnel are assigned to Ingelside Station.

PHOTO: Sara Bassett

City Prefers More Height for More Affordable Housing at Cole Hardware Site

September 8, 2017September 8, 2017 / Todd_Lappin / 22 Comments

The San Francisco Planning Department is pushing back on a proposal to build housing at 3310 Mission Street, the former Cole Hardware store site that was destroyed in a devastating June 2016 fire, by telling the developer that while the current plan is acceptable, it’d be even better to add some additional height to make room for affordable housing.

As currently proposed, 3310 Mission is slated to be a four-story, 45-foot-tall building with a new Cole Hardware store on the ground floor and eight units of market-rate housing above — a plan which D9 Supervisor Hillary Ronen said she supports.

However, as the ever-vigilant Socketsite first reported, the City Planning Department’s Preliminary Project Assessment says the 3310 Mission could also include affordable housing if the developer took advantage of the increased density allowed under HomeSF, a new San Francisco law that allows developers to add additional height to new buildings to make room for additional affordable- and family-oriented housing units.

In the case of 3310 Mission, that could meaning including 16 to 20 affordable housing units by adding two more two stories to the project.

The Planning Department’s Preliminary Project Assessment for 3310 Mission says:

“It is the Department’s priority to give precedence to the development of all new net housing, and to encourage the direct building of more affordable housing and the maximization of permitted density, while maintaining quality of life and adherence to Planning Code standards.

Policy 13.1 of the City’s Housing Element, for example, calls for the Department to “Support ‘smart’ regional growth that locates new housing close to jobs and transit.” The Project is located in one of the most transit-rich corridors in San Francisco, adjacent to the recently completed 14-Mission Rapid Project (the “Mission Red Lane”) and within a 15-minute walk to the 24th Street BART station. Therefore, the Department would strongly encourage the Project Sponsor to maximize the parcel’s density and to provide the required amount of affordable housing.

The current proposal to build 8 units would reach the density limit established within the parcel’s NC-3 zoning district, but is well under the density that would be allowed if the Project Sponsor employs the HOME-SF bonus. The HOME-SF bonus would lift the density restriction in the parcel and grants two additional stories, which would allow the Project to have at least 16 and potentially 20 or more units. HOME-SF requires that 30% of the units be reserved for low- and moderate-income households, which means that maximizing density under the program could yield 3 to 8 market rate units above what is currently proposed.”

IMAGE: Rendering of proposed building at 3310 Mission Street. Photos via SocketSite; composite illustration created by Bernalwood.

Saturday: Taste Guacamole Glory at the 6th Annual Guac-Off Competition!

September 7, 2017 / Todd_Lappin

2015 Guac-Off Champion Elle “Monster Guac” Garcia clutches the Guacamole Glory Trophy

Attention all ye Acolytes of the Avocado: The 6th Annual Guac-Off Guacamole Competition is coming this weekend, and once again it’s happening right here in Bernal Heights.

Yes, that’s right: Guac-Off 2017 happens this Saturday, September 9 beginning a 1 pm at Dr. Rick’s glamorous Farmhouse Mansion, at 3340 Folsom near the top of the hill at Ripley. That means if you you want to compete, you’d best get on the phone to beg your abuela for her secret recipe. The event is free, but check out the website for complete details.

Here’s the guac-and-roll pep rally, courtesy of Guacstar Luke:

As this weather has surely reminded you, Indian Summer is here. So that means that it’s time again for the Annual Indian Summer Guac-off!

We’d love for you to join us this Saturday, September 9th, as we’ll once again be at Dr. Rick’s house for our 6th annual celebration of the almighty avocado.

This year promises to be even more fun, as we’ll have 10 different prize categories, a restaurant showcase with guacamoles from some of our favorite restaurants, chips provided by Tacolicious, and of course, an even bigger Guacamole Glory Trophy.

The rules this year are simple: Your our guacamole must use at least 8 avocados, and it must arrive by 2pm. Other than that, let your creativity run wild!

We love having lots of Bernal neighbors show up. As always, the event is completely free, although guests are obviously encouraged to bring guacamole!

This Week: Enjoy the 2017 Bernal Heights Outdoor Cinema Festival

September 6, 2017 / Todd_Lappin / 1 Comment

It’s that glamorous red carpet and green grass time of year for Bernalese cinephiles! Thats because the 2017 edition of the Bernal Heights Outdoor Cinema film festival gets underway this week.

As you may know, BHOC is exactly like Sundance or Cannes — only with slightly less Gucci and Prada and lots more North Face and Patagonia. The films are free, most are short, and some are shown outside. The organizers emphasize local topics and local filmmakers, and this year the focus is on Bernal’s “strong tradition of outspoken civic leaders and engaged political organizations.”

The complete line-up of venues and films is available at the Bernal Heights Outdoor Cinema website, but here are the highlights:

Opening Night: Thursday, Sept. 7 from 7:00 to 9:00 pm, at the Mission Cultural Center for Latino Arts, 2868 Mission Street.
Film Crawl on Cortland: Friday, Sept. 8, from 7:00 to 11:00, at multiple sites on Cortland Avenue from Bennington to Ellsworth Street. This year the Film Crawl also includes a Late Night Screening and After-Party from 10:00 to 11:00, at Barebottle Brewing, 1525 Cortland Avenue. All ages are welcome.
Under the Stars at Precita Park: Saturday, Sept. 9 from 7:00 to 10:00, at the corner of Folsom Street and Precita Avenue. Pro Tip: Bring seating. Dress warmly. BYO snacks. Sip from a flask. Snuggle as necessary.
Best of Bernal: Wednesday, 9/27 from 7:00-9:00, at the Barebottle Brewing Company, 1525 Cortland Avenue, BHOC will present an encore screening of the 2017 season’s award-winning films.

The BHOC organizers say these are some of the standout films in the 2017 lineup:

The Ride, directed by Jeff Adachi and Jim Choi. (Thursday, 9/7) SF Public Defender Jeff Adachi travels into the underbelly of the criminal injustice system when he takes on the case of Michael Smith, a young African-American man charged with assaulting police officers.

These Walls Speak: PLACA, directed by Carla Wojczuk. (Friday, 9/8 at Bernal Star) In 1984, artists and activists in the heart of the Mission transformed Balmy Alley into a “mural environment” when they formed PLACA to protest the U.S. government’s wars in Central America.

American Paradise, directed by Joe Talbot. (Saturday, 9/9) A desperate white man, forgotten in Trump’s America, tries to shift his fate by committing the perfect crime. He robs multiple banks wearing a hyper-realistic black-man mask – until, of course, all goes horribly wrong.

When Rabbit Left the Moon, directed by Emiko Omori. (Thursday, 9/7) The Japanese-American filmmaker says, “Words to describe the camp experience seem inadequate to me – either too many or not enough. This video poem is an attempt to express long buried feelings without words.”

Happy Birthday, Mario Woods. (Thursday 9/7) San Francisco police shot Mario Woods more than 20 times in December 2015. Six months after his death, Gwen Woods visits her son grave and the site of his shooting.

Again, look for the complete line-up of venues and films at the Bernal Heights Outdoor Cinema website, and see you there.

PHOTO: Bernal Heights Outdoor Cinema in Precita Park, by Telstar Logistics

After 90 Years, Bank of America Will Close Cortland Branch

September 5, 2017 / Todd_Lappin / 16 Comments

Cortland Avenue Bank of America, 1973. (Photo: San Francisco State University)

This story was written by Nathan Falstreau from Hoodline, in partnership with Bernalwood:

Customers of the Bank of America branch at 433 Cortland Ave. in Bernal Heights received a letter late last month stating that the branch will close in November. The notification comes a year and a half after the bank announced it would no longer staff human tellers.

The closure is part of a recent trend as more customers look to their phones to do business—Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan moved to close many of its retail locations in an effort to lower costs by bringing more customers onto its online and mobile banking platforms.

The decision by the native San Francisco business—now based in Charlotte, NC—was the result of internal data indicating a shift in how customers interacted with their local branches.

Community banking is essential for small businesses, as well as for more marginalized members of the community like seniors or those whose primary spoken language isn’t English.

“This has a big impact on us as merchants, and that further extends to our customers that use the bank,” nearby Heartfelt owner (and Bernal neighbor) Darcy Lee told Bernalwood in 2015. “There are many senior citizens that use this as a resource in Bernal.”

While many consumers are content with mobile and online banking, it’s not so simple for shopkeepers. “All of us as merchants need money—actual coins and bills—sometimes multiple times in one day,” said Neighbor Darcy. “We also make large cash deposits.”

Bank of America’s Cortland Avenue location opened in 1927 as the neighborhood was still rebuilding after the 1906 earthquake; the bank still owns the building.

The branch was also historically the only banking center on Cortland Avenue—even to this day—making the closure even more problematic for neighborhood residents. The nearest banking service is a Wells Fargo ATM at 601 Cortland Ave.

“I don’t usually get choked up about banks,” Neighbor Julie told Bernalwood. “But this one does feel like a piece of the neighborhood.”

The last day for banking at the Cortland Avenue branch is November 28th.

Rebel Cartographer Burrito Justice Analyzes New 29th Street Bike Share Station

September 5, 2017 / Todd_Lappin / 15 Comments

New bike share station on 29th Street

When he’s not fomenting insurrection, agitating for territorial autonomy, or weaponizing Mexican food, Burrito Justice, the rebel Spokeblogger for the La Lenguan people of the Bernal flatlands, also likes to dabble in cartography and map-making.

Last week,Burrito Justice applied those skils to analyze the controversial new bike share station on 29th Street (which just happens to be around the corner from his secret command post). Today, by permission — and in the spirit of science —Bernalwood shares this communique from Burrito Justice:

Before I rode my bike to work, I used to think people who biked, even from La Lengua to Civic Center, were CRAZYTOWN. Now, well, I think they are less crazy. I can bike downtown faster than via transit, and often driving.
It’s pretty hard to get sense of how long it takes to ride places. How long does it take to bike a mile? Two miles? A half mile? I ride every day, and I still don’t have a great feel for distance. Anyway, there is one way to solve this: MAPS. (Shocking I know).

There are these cool things called isochrones, which show travel distances of equal time as lines (thank the ancient Greeks, iso = equal, chronos = time). I happen to work for a mapping company that has an isochrone service, and now I know how to make these things.

Here’s a map showing 5, 10, 15 and 20 minute bike isochrones from La Lengua:

5/10/15/20 minute biking distances from 29th Street in La Lengua

These isochrones take into account hills, prefer bike lanes, and use a relatively moderate biking speed. Actual travel times might be a little slower or faster for some folks, but this gives a pretty reasonable indication of how far you can get on a bike across town.

You can get surprisingly far in just 5 or 10 minutes (the two darkest blue rings).

Speaking of bike lanes, it’s always nice to see where it’s safe/less dangerous to bike. It just so happens I have the technology to put bike lanes into this map.

5/10/15/20 minute biking distances from 29th Street in La Lengua, with bike routes shown

Green indicates protected bike lanes, while orange are OK bike lanes based on a bunch of different parameters (bike infrastructure, road type, etc). Here’s the key:

While I love to walk, it’s a haul. Here are 5/10/15/20 minute walking isochrones for La Lengua. (No wonder I never go to Noe Valley OMG SO FAR. And no wonder I rarely see the Valley People in La Lengua — you might as well need a visa.)

5/10/15/20 minute walking distances from 29th Street in La Lengua

OK this may shock you, but I made a GIF of walking vs biking isochrones (the same shades of blue indicate 5, 10, 15, 20 min travel time whether by bike or by foot):

Walking vs. Biking: 5/10/15/20 minute travel distances from 29th Street in La Lengua

Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you know that they’re expanding bike share stations throughout the Mission and La Lengua (sorry Bernal). While you think that this would be celebrated, there are… opinions. These involve parking spots (shocking) and gentrification (shocking). But just look at how many bikeshare stations (pink circles) you can get to in five or ten or 15 minutes!

Detail: 5/10/15 minute biking distances from 29th Street in La Lengua

And guess what — you can bike TO La Lengua! (Oh man, biking from 24th St. BART to the 29th St bikeshare station, that will be sweet.)

While it may take some effort to realize that biking is a possibility, don’t stress about the bikeshare stations! They let you get places fast, and they let people get HERE easily. Here’s a quick map of just some of the restaurants, bars and businesses that are within 200 yards from the bikeshare station on 29th and Tiffany:

Restaurants, bars and businesses within 200 yards of 29th St. bike share station. The aqua-colored circles are business that have closed or gone — Cole Hardware, 3300, El Gran Taco Loco…

Wwe have a pretty sweet little commercial corridor along 29th and on Mission in La Lengua, and you can look at these isochrones the other way around — folks who might never walk over can bike here in 5 or 10 minutes and enjoy our superior food and drinking and shopping establishments such as Rock Bar, The Front Porch, Good Frickin Chicken, PizzaHacker, Fumi Curry, Ichi Sushi, Coco Ramen, Old Bus Tavern, Mitchell’s, Iron & Gold, Los Panchos, Royal Cuckoo, Secession, and many, many more. And won’t have to worry about parking.

You can drill into a dynamic slippy map here (work in progress!) Drop me a line if you want me to show you how to make isochrones from your neighborhood or business district.