Cars

Bernal Dads Racing Survives Another 24 Hours of LeMons

/ Todd_Lappin / 7 Comments

24 Hours of LeMons, October 2011

Newbie

Beefcake

Sorry for the delay in reporting on this, but I’ve been catching up on the rest of life after going racing last weekend with the Bernal Dads Racing Team for the 24 Hours of LeMons event at Sears Point.

All in all — and especially by the low standards of LeMons — the race was a big success. The Bernal Dads began the weekend with an unannounced micro-parade down Cortland:

24 Hours of LeMons, October 2011

24 Hours of LeMons, October 2011

From there it was a glorious cruise across the Golden Gate Bridge…

Hauling Up

… before arriving at Sears Point to set up camp. Once base camp was established, the two battered Bernal Dads cars — The Molvo and The Whale — were wheeled in for tech inspection, which they passed with flying colors.

Tech Inspection

24 Hours of LeMons, October 2011

During the races on Saturday and Sunday, the cars performed more or less flawlessly. With 160 cars competing, chaos often reigned on the track. But the Bernal Dads soldiered on, suffering only a broken fan belt and an unfortunate incident during which Sharpie-wielding vandals marred the logo of a certain celebrity-obsessed blog about Bernal Heights:

Damn Kids

Very funny, fellas. Veeeeeery funny.

Luckily, a visiting member of Bernal Dads fan club, Bernalwood’s own Cub Reporter, doesn’t yet know how to read:

Jr. Race Fan

But out on the race course, the action was pretty intense. And if you happened to be sitting behind the wheel, it was even more so:

24 Hours of LeMons, October 2011

24 Hours of LeMons, October 2011

Indeed, the biggest problem the Bernal Dads encountered was… me. As the rookie driver on the team, my enthusiasm often overwhelmed both common sense and the laws of physics. Or, to paraphrase Top Gun, my accelerator foot had a bad habit of writing checks that the Molvo and the Whale couldn’t cash. As a result, I managed to accrue an astonishingly large amount of penalties in an impressively short amount of time. For this I will forever be contrite.

But on the bright side, even though I spun the Molvo once and put The Whale in the dirt twice (Doh!), I did not wreck either car, and returned both to the paddock more or less in the same condition as when I strapped in behind the wheel. Which I think counts as a victory, of a sort.

Oh, and along the way, I had a fantastic amount of fun.

When the checkered flag waved at the end of the weekend, these were the final results:

The Whale: 52nd place overall after completing 212 laps

The Molvo: 82nd place overall, after completing 176 laps

So we did not return home with glistening trophies or big piles of cash money. Yet the Bernal Dads managed always to look sexxxy and glamorous, and as we all know, in Bernal Heights, that’s really all that matters:

PHOTOS: Brandon Powell and Telstar Logistics

The Bernal Dads Racing Team Is Off to the Races (With a New Sponsor) This Weekend

/ Todd_Lappin / 8 Comments

Bernal Dad Wrenching

Well, they got it done. It wasn’t easy, or pretty, but those handy fellas from Bernal Dads Racing managed to successfully transplant a new engine inside the old hulk of “The Whale,” their battle-scarred Volvo 240 race car. Here’s what the re-insertion looked like:

Wrenching the Whale

For a while it was touch and go. Just one week ago, the new engine was bolted in place, with all the wiring and hoses reconnected. But when the key was turned to start the motor, the Dads heard… nothing. The car wouldn’t start. And since a running motor is an essential prerequisite for a successful race car, this posed a big problem.

Luckily, the Dads have some mad mechanical skillz. After sleeping on the problem for a few days, one of them wandered into the garage to tinker around a little bit. Here’s what happened a few hours later:

Awesome sauce, indeed.

Tomorrow morning, the Bernal Dads Racing Team will haul their two race cars — the now-repowered Whale, and their mutant Miata-Volvo crossbreed “Molvo” — from their Bernal Heights workshop to Sears Point Raceway in Sonoma to take part in the Skankaway Anti-Toe Fungal 500, a two day race that’s part of the infamous 24 Hours of LeMons (as in “lemons”) racing series.

But the engine in The Whale isn’t the only thing that’s new. The Dads also have a new sponsor for this race…

Woo-hoo! What you’re seeing here isn’t another one of Bernalwood’s goofy Photoshop tricks; it’s the real deal. Plus, Bernalwood will be there to provide up-close coverage of this weekend’s race, because I’ve actually joined the Bernal Dads Racing Team as their newest driver. (GULP!)

So wish us luck. And if you happen to see the Bernal Dads as they leave Bernal Heights on Friday morning, give a wave. Or, even better, dress your innocent young children in flowing white robes, then send them out to line Cortland and shower the Dads and their janky racing machines with garlands and flower petals, in the manner of gladiatorial heroes departing for combat.

That would be nice.

New Sponsor

PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics and Ben Buja

How Many Bernal Dads Does It Take to Replace A Volvo Race Car Engine?

/ Todd_Lappin / 4 Comments

Heart Transplant

So, how many Bernal Dads does it take to remove the engine from a Volvo race car? Near as I can tell, it takes at least 10: Four to work on the car, and another six to stand around drinking beer while making impolite jokes about everyone else’s moms.

But hey, whatever it takes. Because between now and October 22, the Bernal Dads Racing Team must replace the blown engine on their Volvo race car (dubbed “The Whale”) with a newer motor that probably works reasonably well, hopefully. This is the newer motor:

Transplant Organ

The deadline is firm, because on October 22, there’s a 24 Hours of LeMons race at Sears Point Raceway in Sonoma, and the Bernal Dads plan to compete — assuming they can get the new engine in the car in time. The good news is, they got the old engine out just last night:

Engine B-Gone

Engine B-Gone

But can they get the car ready in time? Stay tuned, race fans. (Insert joke about your mother here.)

PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics

Car Crash Creates Big Bang on Bocana

/ Todd_Lappin / 6 Comments

There was some unwelcome excitement on Bocana yesterday, as a vehicle rollover disrupted the evening. Reader Paulie from the Bernalwood Action News Team was there with his mobile phone, and he filed this report:

The accident happened near Chuck’s Market on Bocana. The driver floored it when he made the turn off Cortland. He lost control and hit a parked car. Then his van rolled. A guy who lives nearby tried to get the driver out with help from a sledgehammer. The driver is OK, but he may have been drunk, according to a witness.

Reader Jillian was also on the scene, and she filed some additional photos. Here’s the parked car that was hit. (Sad):

UPDATE: Aaaaaaand more photos. New neighbor and photojournalist Adrian Mendoza was out for a walk when the accident happened, and snapped this one:

UPDATE: Confirmed, the driver was DUI:

From the SFPD Ingleside Police Station newsletter:

5:44pm 200 Blk Bocana D.U.I./Collision
Officers Hom and Castillo responded to the area regarding a vehicle accident. Upon arrival, Officers found a silver Mazda mini-van that had flipped over after striking a parked car. SFFD and Paramedics were already on scene rendering aid to the driver and sole occupant. The driver had made spontaneous statements to Paramedics indicating that he had been drinking prior to the collision. Officers escorted the driver to the hospital and could quickly detect the strong odor of alcohol emanating from his breath and person. Due to the severity of the injuries sustained, he was unable to complete any field sobriety tests. A blood draw was completed and he was issued a citation for driving under the influence. Report Number 110737997

UPDATE: Steve Rhodes rolled the satellite truck to get heart-stopping footage of The Righting of the Minivan. Watch real towing professionals, in ACTION (Action… action…):

PHOTOS: Top, Reader Paulie. Middle, Reader Jillian. Bottom, Adrian Mendoza

Crazy Driver Veers Off Crescent, Hits Car and House, Triggers Neighborly Bonding

/ Todd_Lappin / 6 Comments

Reader Nicole had some unwelcome excitement last weekend:

Over the weekend a presumably drunk/high driver plowed into a car and then our building on Crescent and Gates. No one was hurt, but it was actually a close call — one person almost got hit by the car and had to run to get away, and the car could have easily gone directly through the wall of the house. It certainly shook everyone up.

It was very lucky that no one got hurt — a guy was waiting to be let into another apartment in our building and saw the car smack into another neighbor’s jeep. Apparently, the car then accelerated, pushing the jeep up on to the sidewalk (slightly damaging the front steps of the house next door). The car proceeded onto the sidewalk — the guy waiting outside ran around the corner to avoid being hit — jumped our our front step, took out the stucco stair rail on one side and our tree box which I only recently installed on the other; minor, but still, sadness. Then — and this is some magic that everyone was standing around at 11:30 on Saturday night trying to figure out — the car managed to pass between a fire hydrant and chained-up bicycle that were maybe 6-7 feet apart, without scratching either. Crazy.

It would have been really, really easy for that car to plow into the first floor apartment and seriously hurt some people. Instead, it’s a whole lot of hassle and insurance-wrangling for everyone involved. The poor guy who almost got mowed down gets mad points for catching and remembering the plate number, so we’ll see what happens…

What was kind of nice about the incident was that a ton of neighbors got out of bed and came over to our place — not in a rubberneck-y way, but in a helpful, supportive way. The cops were pretty good too. Yay, Bernal.

Nicole says she now plans to look into getting a speed hump installed on that section of Crescent, adding “I’m not personally a big fan of speed humps/bumps, but I’m even less enthusiastic about people ramming their cars into my building.” Fair enough…

PHOTOS: Courtesy of Reader Kelly

No, THIS is Bernal Heights at Its Most Bernal Heightsiest

/ Todd_Lappin / 20 Comments

The Bernal Condition

Once upon a time not all that long ago, SFist described this photo as being “Bernal Heights at It’s Most Heightsiest.” Their pick was good, but something about it felt a little too cliche and formulaic to me.

Instead, I’d nominate the photo above, which I snapped last weekend on Cortland… I think it captures something essential about the Bernal Heights condition, circa 2011.

Discuss.

PHOTO: Telstar Logistics

Bernal’s Battle-Scarred Race Car Returns Home for Repairs

/ Todd_Lappin / 3 Comments

Recovering the Whale

Recovering the Whale

Recovering the Whale

Last weekend I took part in an unusual rescue mission. Our task: Recover a race car used by the Bernal Dads Racing Team from the suburban jungles of Davis, California, and haul it back to Bernalwood so it can be prepped for a 24 Hours of LeMons race coming up in late October.

The car itself is a battle-scarred Volvo 240 that’s been dubbed “The Whale,” and it’s adorned with sponsorship decals from many of your favorite Cortland merchants. The body is a mess, but the real disaster lies under the hood: After it seized up during a race earlier in the year, the entire engine may need to be replaced. Can those racy Bernal Dads get the job done before October?? Stay tuned!

PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics

The Yoga of Bernal: Drive. Slow Down. Wave. Yield. Connect.

/ Todd_Lappin / 16 Comments

No, After You

Andrea Ferretti moved to Bernal Heights last year, and she’s noticed that living here has had an enlightening influence upon her approach to daily life. She traces the root of that experience to the ritual that take place when two cars try to pass one another on one of Bernal’s tiny, narrow streets. Andrea calls this “The Yoga of Bernal”:

Bernal marches to its own drummer and the pace of that drummer is verrry slow. When I first moved there and I would drive home from work, I found myself exasperated as soon I reached Bernal. I would be in fast-twitch, downtown mode, eager to get home when suddenly I’d be halfway down a steep, narrow hill nose to nose with a driver coming the other direction. One of us would have to awkwardly back up or pull into a driveway to let the other pass.

Then one day something shifted. I noticed the rhythm to driving in Bernal: If you see another driver coming toward you in the distance, you pull over to the right—this is easy to do once you reach a small intersection—and it allows you smoothly weave around each other in a sort of dance. You do this over and over again as you drive through the neighborhood—either you choose to yield or the other car does— and it works out perfectly. When I clicked into this simple Bernal dance I felt like I’d finally arrived as a local. Sure, you have to slow down a bit, you have to give your neighbor driver a friendly wave, and you have to be willing to yield. But that’s all part of what living in Bernal is all about. Slowing down, giving a wave, yielding when it’s necessary.

PHOTO: “No, After You!” by Telstar Logistics

Anticool Bernal Driving Machine Visits the Secret Workshop of Anticool Bernal Auto Racing Team

/ Todd_Lappin / 5 Comments

Electric Garage

It’s like when Batman meeting Robin. When Bonnie met Clyde. When Peanut butter met chocolate. Indeed, the photo above captures the scene that transpired when Bernal’s most anticool driving machine joined forces with Bernal’s most anticool racing team.

The backstory: That 1970s-vintage electric car Comuta-Car that we talked about a few days ago desperately needs of some brake work. And who better to accept that challenge than the those fatherly gearheads from Bernal Dads Racing? So one night this week, the Comuta-Car popped in for inspection at the Dads’ top secret race-prep automotive workshop.

Here we see Comuta-Car owner James Nestor offering the ritual six-pack to the Dads in exchange for their consideration and services:

Electric Garage

Here’s a rakish view of the Comuta-Car from the front. Notice the completely nonfunctional air scoop nostril between the headlights! Sooooooooo antisexy!

Electric Garage

For the anatomically curious, here is a view of a few (but not all) of the Comuta-Car’s batteries, and its electric motor (visible in the center), all revealed beneath the cabin bench seat:

Electric Garage

It’s all perfectly futuristic, don’t you think?

Electric Garage

PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics

Bernalwood’s Ultimate Anticool Driving Machine

/ Todd_Lappin / 7 Comments

Spotted this curious ride on Ellert not long ago, parked in front a new home that’s been tastefully adorned in the contemporary Dwellian style. I thought the car and the house paired nicely, but the little car is the big attention-grabber.

Electric Modern

It’s a Comuta-Car, an electric vehicle from Jerry Brown’s first term as governor and the Logan’s Run era of 1970s industrial design. The Wikipedia telleth more:

Produced in their Sebring Florida Plant the CitiCar was a small Wedge shaped electric vehicle. Early versions had no extra features and can be considered an experiment in minimalist automotive design; it was as basic a people mover as you could get at the time. By 1976, enough CitiCars were produced to promote Sebring-Vanguard to the position of being the U.S. #6 auto manufacturer after GM, Ford,Chrysler, AMC, and Checker (taxis); but ahead of Excalibur and Avanti Motors. Production of the CitiCar continued until 1977 with about 2,300 CitiCars produced.

Commuter Vehicles, Inc. purchased the CitiCar design, and renamed the vehicle Comuta-Car. Production of this upgraded version began in 1979 and Commuter Vehicles, Inc. produced an estimated 2,144 Comuta-Cars and Vans.

Bernal’s example aged rather gracefully, and those custom white-spoke wheels make it look even more eco-macho. When this Comuta-Car encounters a Prius on the street, it probably chuckles to itself and says, “Poser!” Indeed, this may well be the most Bernal Heights car in Bernal Heights, because it is Ultimate Anticool Driving Machine.

Electric Modern

But to understand how true that really is, you really have to see the CitiCar as it looked when it was new, circa 1975. Notice that it coordinated nicely with bellbottom slacks and pre-ironic sideburns:

If you’re still curious, there’s also a more recent video about a guy who now uses a Comuta-Car as his daily driver. Chaaaaarge!

UPDATE July 29, 2011:

Turns out, the owner of this Comuta-Car is a member of the Bernal Heights literati. (We should have known.) Here’s his article about this very car, written for ReadyMade magazine:

The Comuta-Car, the focus of my dirty-handed frustration, was the first American mass market electric car. I bought mine, a 1980 model, two years ago on eBay from a farmer who had left it rotting in the back of his barn for 20 years. In its own weird way it’s a beautiful thing, a design seemingly pulled from the bad graphics of an old Atari video game, an electric answer to our gas-guzzling woes. But for all its good intentions and Logan’s Run retro coolness, this car, quite frankly, sucks. It’s slow, it’s clunky, it’s small, and it’s wholly impractical for anything but the occasional Why-Be-Normal street fair or trip around the block with chuckling friends.

PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics. Vintage catalog image via Frank Didik

Carspotting: Clever Bowling Pin Art Car Parked at Precita Park

/ Todd_Lappin

Reader Mason (it’s his birthday today!) sent along this art car sighting:

Did Jesus Quintana visit Precita Park last weekend?

This past Sunday, while enjoying some old-time ice cream from Gina and Mike’s rebranded Cancilla Market (now known as Harvest Hills), my son and I happened upon this most marvelously vintage Bowling Pin/Fiat 500. Upon further investigation we are led to believe that it was actually taking an afternoon nap of its own: its side-mounted bowling pins pulse and twist in and out of the car as pedestrians approach. I was left wondering whether or not someone has the bowling balls to attempt this with a newly re-launched and rebranded Fiat 500c.

Coincidentally, our friends at Laughing Squid have more detail on the car, and a spiffy video too:

“Big Bang Theory” by San Francisco artist Eric Staller is an adorable Fiat 500 art car with 10 retractable bowling pins poking out of the passenger side. The pins can extend almost fully outside the car or retract within, and seem to do so autonomously, even when the car is parked and left unattended. The car has been baffling pedestrians in San Francisco’s Mission district over the Summer, though it was first built in 1996.

PHOTOS: Reader Mason