UPDATED: Bernal Fathers Propose Happy “Manbaby” Billboard Alternative

Against the backdrop of the recent pro-life billboard hacking excitement on Cortland Avenue, Neighbor Chris joined forces with a few other Bernal dads to propose a new billboard design that would be a refreshing alternative:

These are anxious times, and I wanted to reassure you about something important. Fellow Bernalites Erik Bloom, Jon Mooallem and I realized it’s incumbent on everyday citizens to ensure that this billboard absurdity continues ad nauseum. Erik (and presumably a team of top artists) put together the attached image last night. Soon as we figure out how to enlarge it 1000000000 percent, it’s going up up up.

I don’t like to use the word “hero.”

… but yet heroes they are. Let’s do this.

UPDATE: Looks like Bernal’s upstanding stoner community has some alternative ideas as well — no doubt inspired by the recent New York Times article about the joy of mixing pot with parenting. This billboard proposal just arrived from Neighbor Jon:

IMAGE: Top: Billboard design by Neighbor Eric. Photo illustration by Telstar Logistics Below: Neighbor Jon.

Pro-Life Billboard in Bernal Heights Replaced, Then Defaced Again (Rather Tastelessly)

There’s been a lively but considerate debate taking place in  the Bernalwood comment thread about the efficacy and ethics of the original Cortland pro-life billboard hack.

In the meantime, however, CBS Outdoor replaced the hacked billboard image with a brand-new version of the original ad…. which was promptly defaced yet again.

The difference is — as you can see in this photo taken today — the new modifications are unclever and rather tasteless. Yuck.

Please, make it stop.

PHOTO: Neighbor Joe

Satellite Photo Shows Wall of Fog Avoiding Bernal Heights

Our friends at NASA, that *other* space agency, shared a recent satellite photo that shows a massive wall of fog rolling in to San Francisco — and (in typical fashion) completely missing Bernal Heights:

For some people, the relentless waves of fog that roll off the Pacific Ocean into San Francisco each summerinspire awe. For others, they arouse frustration, even depression. Either way, fog is simply a fact of life for San Franciscans, particularly those who live near the Golden Gate Bridge.

The Advanced Land Imager (ALI) on NASA’s Earth Observing-1 (EO-1) satellite acquired this view of fog encroaching on the city on August 16, 2012. The fog is part of the marine layer, a mass of cool, dense air from the sea that was sandwiched beneath a layer of warmer air as part of a temperature inversion. Fog is often present in the lower part of the marine layer, whereas wispy stratus clouds form in the upper part.

Intrusions by the marine layer—and all of the accompanying fog and clouds—are routine in San Francisco during the summer. The intrusions are caused by westerly breezes that push cold air inland to replace the warm air rising off of California’s Central Valley. As it did on the day this image was taken, the marine layer often completely envelops the Golden Gate Bridge in a thick cloak of fog and clouds.

PHOTO: NASA

Paulie’s Pickling Featured on Glamorous Foodie TV Show

Bernal’s finest artisanal pickle merchant is savoring a moment in the media spotlight.

Neighbor Paul from the fabulous Paulie’s Pickling inside the 331 Cortland marketplace tells Bernalwood that his shop will be featured as part of Ryan Scott’s “Food Rush” show on the Live Well Network (Comcast channel 195, broadcast channel 7.2 or 7.3) on Saturday, September 8 at 4pm and 930 pm.

However, if you want just can’t wait to see our local pickle celebrities strut their stuff (and hear Neighbor Paul say lots of nice things about our neighborhood), check out the online clip:

Ryan [Scott] heads to Paulie’s Pickling in San Francisco’s Bernal Heights neighborhood to explore the place where he gets the pickles for his corn flake crusted fried chicken sandwich. While in the pickling kitchen, Ryan gets some pickling 101.

Congratulations to Paulie’s! Also: YUM! Here’s to many more celebrity accolades in the future.

Epic Double Rainbow Euphoria Was “Nature’s Gift to Bernal”

All the training. All the practice. All the hard work. It all comes together when the time is now, the situation is real, and all you have to go on is instinct and experience.

That time was last night, and the situation was an epic rainbow that erupted over Bernal Heights just as the sun was setting for the night. The skies turned pink, the light glowed orange, and a truly monumental Category Five double rainbow stretched across the sky from horizon to horizon. It happened fast. It was euphoric. But we were ready. The Citizens of Bernalwood mobilized their photographic imaging equipment, and the magic of the double rainbow was captured by many for all to see.

Neighbor Jean tells her story:

We were making tacos. Husband went out to take dog for walk, and the sky was pink!  Neighbor Robin was running down Bocana in ecstasy… saying “Look at the east!!  WOW!!”  I ran back in and turned off all the burners and grabbed my Canon5D… Already the drama had toned, but I managed to capture this. Nature’s gift to Bernal tonight!

Here’s Neighbor Jean’s photo:

Neighbor Craig had a BIG view to the east:

At the Bernalwood Rainbow Monitoring Station, Neighbor Chuck zoomed in to conduct a full spectral analysis and confirm this was indeed a Category 5+ Rainbow Event:

Neighbor Lee traced the Rainbow Touchdown Impact Point to this Bernal Heights bedroom:

Neighbor Kent spotted a cosmic discontinuity:

Corroborated by Neighbor Ian…

… and Neighbor Naomi:

Neighbor Amar, one of Bernalwood’s agents in the La Lengua Autonomous Zone, shot this heroic Bernal Hill profile:

And where was I during all this?

Your Bernalwood reporter was northbound on US 101 near the Spaghetti Bowl just as the Rainbow Alert began to subside. But I’d seen the rainbow. All of Bernal saw it. Then I saw Bernal drenched in the afterglow:

PHOTOS: Top, DenSF and Neighbor Anita. All others by our vigilant Bernalwood neighbor-reporters

Portola Planet Interviews Supervisor David Campos

Our friendly (if somewhat less glamorous) comrades from the Portola Planet recently trekked to City Hall for a sit-down interview with District 9 Supervisor David Campos.

In the course of committing some actual journalism, the Portolans asked Campos about the new D9 redistricting, and what it means for the residents of the Portola, Bernal Heights, and The Mission:

Portola Planet: Previously, for the past 10 years, the Portola was divided into two districts, 9 and 10. With it now all in 9, you are saying that instead of looking at each neighborhood, the Portola, Bernal and the Mission, but that it is more about looking at district nine as a whole to work together as a community.

David Campos: That’s what we are trying to do. I think that another challenge we had when the neighborhood was split was it was confusing for people to know which supervisor to go to. We saw that same confusion in the north Mission when it was split between district 6 and district 9.

PP: Ahh so it isn’t just the Portola that has been united into one district now, but also the Mission?

DC: Exactly. That’s a very positive thing. It allows people to know who the point person is. It brings a level of accountability that wasn’t there before. The fact of the matter is, if you look at the geographical distance between neighborhoods, it’s not that far.

The rest of the interview is definitely worth a read; it explains what a SF Supervisor actually does, how Campos got started in politics, and various Portola development and revitalization schemes. Check it out!

PHOTOS: The Portola Planet 

Star Sighting: Invisible Obamas Seen Relaxing in Bernal Heights

We’ve heard they’d planned to be in Charlotte, North Carolina this week, but Neighbor Chuck spotted the President and First Lady (!!!) taking in the view from atop the glamorous Helipad House in Upper Precitaville. He asks:

The Obamas are visiting Bernal Heights?

UPDATE: During their visit to Bernal Heights, Bernalwood was able to meet the Obamas privately. We’re not at liberty to quote them here, but suffice to say that the Fate of the Republic and Important Matters of National Security were covered at length:

PHOTO: Top, @back40feet. Below, Telstar Logistics

Two Must-Read Articles by Bernal Heights Journalists

Though you’d hardly know it from the paltry number of then who have written for Bernalwood (AHEM! Hint! Hint!), Bernal Heights is home to several celebrity journalists who write for glamorous national publications.

For example, Tim Dickinson is a contributing editor at Rolling Stone, and he covers National Affairs from the magazine’s Bernal Heights bureau. Neighbor Tim just published a thoroughly reported piece that reveals how Mitt Romney used a federal bailout to rescue Bain Capital from financial collapse in the early 1990s:

Government documents on the bailout obtained by Rolling Stone show that the legend crafted by Romney is basically a lie. The federal records, obtained under the Freedom of Information Act, reveal that Romney’s initial rescue attempt at Bain & Company was actually a disaster – leaving the firm so financially strapped that it had “no value as a going concern.” Even worse, the federal bailout ultimately engineered by Romney screwed the FDIC – the bank insurance system backed by taxpayers – out of at least $10 million. And in an added insult, Romney rewarded top executives at Bain with hefty bonuses at the very moment that he was demanding his handout from the feds.

I know, right? What a surprise. Oh, and you’ll never guess who also loved loved loved Neighbor Tim’s article:

Wow. SO SEXY!

Meanwhile, you should also read yesterday’s New York Times piece by Bernal resident Chris Colin. Neighbor Chris tells Bernalwood, “This happened in Bernal, but isn’t about Bernal.” It’s a tale about a Craigslist transaction that went wrong after Chris got stiffed for 50 bucks by a buyer who never paid for the goods he received:

I didn’t care about the money. I cared about the abuse of this rare bit of fellowship. Hadn’t we carved out a morsel of old-fashioned San Francisco grooviness, at a time when the city seems to be pivoting into something less wild? Less wild and more coolly decadent, more $15 pickle plate-ish. I wanted to believe we could still get down to naked trust for a night, take our hands off the PayPal handlebars.

A few more weeks passed. Another month. There’d been one e-mail promising to mail the check, then silence.

Maybe this is catching him at a hard time, I thought. But truth was, Joe seemed to be having a pretty normal time. With his ample tweeting and active Facebooking — well over 1,000 friends! — he allowed for robust stalking. There he was on a sailboat. On a golf course. With some bros. Dancing goofily. Doing his handsome face. Doing some artsy stuff. He looked like someone you’d gone to camp with. Apparently he works for some progressive-sounding start-up, the kind whose Web site speaks of community and so forth.

Check out the rest of Chris’s tale of Digital Age IOU woe here.

Watch a Film About Watching a Film at the Bernal Heights Outdoor Film Festival

Last night I fought my way through the velvet ropes and throngs of groupies to attend the glamorous Bernal Heights Outdoor Film Festival screening that happened on the north side of Bernal Hill.

Since there were no critics from Fox News in the attendance, the festival organizers decided to show “My Grandmother,” a bizarre 1929 silent film from the Soviet Union, which was accompanied by a pitch-perfect live music performance by the Beth Custer Ensemble.

It was deeply fantastic. Here’s a little sampler of what you missed:

More screenings happen tonight on stylish Cortand Avenue beginning at 7 pm. Check the schedule for full details and enjoy.

Editor’s Note: To whoever it was that arrived at the screening in this pristine 1976 AMC Pacer X: Well played!

PHOTO: Adrian Mendoza VIDEO: Telstar Logistics