News Flash: Argus Lounge Closing (Then Reopening)

We just received an important communique here in the Bernalwood newsroom: The Argus Lounge, the beloved dive bar on Mission near Valencia, will soon close. Thereafter it will undergo a rapid metamorphosis to become a new bar called Iron and Gold. Says general manager and “beer and shot dude” Andrew Marks:

We are sad to announce that we will be closing the Argus Lounge permanently as of Nov 1, 2011. As many, or perhaps none of you have known, Amy and Spencer Murray opened up the Argus Lounge in 1998. They retired from the bar business in February of 2011. Since then there has been a lot of planning in to the direction of this place, and finally we are ready to move forward. With that, I hope that you will join us at our newly revamped bar at the same location Iron & Gold. We will be open (hopefully) November 18, 2011. We will be having a kick ass Halloween closing party Monday October 31, please join us in saying good bye to 13 years as the Argus Lounge!

A little about us and our future: I am Andrew Marks, the General Manager and Operator. I have been in the food and beverage industry for 17 years, it is all I have known since I was 14 besides school, and a once upon a time career as a musician. I have been bartending for 11 years, 6 of which have been here in San Francisco. My first job here in The City was at Blowfish Sushi, where I bartended at for 5 years. I also bartended at Madrone for a few years, Salt House, and I still continue to moonlight at Laszlo/Foreign Cinema where I have worked for the last 3 years. I enjoy cocktailing, cocktails, but primarily I am a beer and a shot dude, which will be reflected a lot in the general concept of Iron & Gold.

As for the bar itself, much will be the same as far as atmosphere, staff, and products. We will still have awesome and edgy music provided by several of talented friends and neighbors most nights of the week. Our Happy Hour will still be from open until 9pm where you can enjoy $6 house cocktails, and $3 drafts (all of which are local) everyday. The name itself is a reflection of our great city, San Francisco. Its motto was founded in 1900 on our flag ‘Gold in peace, iron in war’ as a symbol of prosperity and solidarity.

Bonus points for the historical allusion in the name. And here’s the proof:

PHOTO: Michael Calore

A New Novel by Superstar Bernal Heights Author Peter Orner

In the Bay Area section of today’s New York Times, astute readers will find an article about author Peter Orner, a member of the Bernalwood literati glitterati:

Among writers, Mr. Orner is a boldface name. Since his debut collection, “Esther Stories,” was published in 2001 to rave reviews, he has continued to rack up plaudits: a Guggenheim fellowship, two Pushcart Prizes, and space in esteemed publications like Granta, The Atlantic and Ploughshares. He has also done two oral histories for McSweeney’s Voice of Witness series; Harper’s called “Hope Deferred,” his 2010 book about life in Zimbabwe, one of the most important books about that country in 30 years.

Compared with other Bay Area literary stars, “Peter’s name is overlooked by the general reading public,” said Oscar Villalon, managing editor of Zyzzyva, a literary journal that will be publishing one of Mr. Orner’s stories this spring. “If he lived in Brooklyn, he’d be the type of guy who’d be feted by The Paris Review, The New Yorker. His work is that good.”

Since we don’t want Peter Orner to leave Bernal and move to Brooklyn, perhaps he could get a similar career boost by simply *pretending* he lives in Brooklyn; say, by wearing trucker’s caps and riding a fixie. But his best hope probably lies in the new book he has coming out:

Things could change with his latest novel, “Love and Shame and Love,” which is scheduled to arrive in stores next week. Publishers Weekly called the book “vibrant and captivating.” In a nod to current publishing realities, Mr. Orner is working with a social media consultant, has put out a video trailer that stars Ed Asner and has garnered blurbs from literary stars like Daniel Handler to promote his book.

“It was a book that I had to write, knew I would always write, in some ways resisted writing, “ Mr. Orner said, clutching a ceramic cup at a local coffee shop near his home in the Bernal Heights section of San Francisco. “I definitely put everything I had into it.”

PHOTO: Peter Orner in Precita Park. Photo by the Adithya Sambamurthy/The Bay Citizen

Wicked Witch Meets Sudden Demise in Pre-Halloween Crash

Witch Misdirected

Tragedy struck on a recent evening in Bernal Heights when a wicked witch perished in an aeronautical mishap. Neighbors reported hearing the witch cackling as she flew on her signature broom, before her cruel taunt was cut short by an apparent pilot error that sent the witch careening into a telephone pole at the corner of Anderson and Eugenia.

“I heard the whole thing,” recalls neighbor Dorothy Oz. “I heard the witch cry, ‘I’ll get you my pretty, and your little do—‘ But she never finished the sentence.  I just heard a whooshing noise, and a dull thud, and then we found the witch wrapped around the pole.”

Representatives from the San Francisco Police, the National Transportation Safety Board, and the Department of Homeland Security are investigating the incident, which has preliminarily been deemed an accident, although experts will also search for any evidence of foul play.

Upon hearing the news, neighborhood youth responded with glee, and at several local elementary schools, teachers report that children spontaneously started to sing the chorus of “Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead” over and over and over and over again.

PHOTO: Telstar Logistics

Bernal Dads Racing Survives Another 24 Hours of LeMons

24 Hours of LeMons, October 2011

Newbie

Beefcake

Sorry for the delay in reporting on this, but I’ve been catching up on the rest of life after going racing last weekend with the Bernal Dads Racing Team for the 24 Hours of LeMons event at Sears Point.

All in all — and especially by the low standards of LeMons — the race was a big success. The Bernal Dads began the weekend with an unannounced micro-parade down Cortland:

24 Hours of LeMons, October 2011

24 Hours of LeMons, October 2011

From there it was a glorious cruise across the Golden Gate Bridge…

Hauling Up

… before arriving at Sears Point to set up camp. Once base camp was established, the two battered Bernal Dads cars — The Molvo and The Whale — were wheeled in for tech inspection, which they passed with flying colors.

Tech Inspection

24 Hours of LeMons, October 2011

During the races on Saturday and Sunday, the cars performed more or less flawlessly. With 160 cars competing, chaos often reigned on the track. But the Bernal Dads soldiered on, suffering only a broken fan belt and an unfortunate incident during which Sharpie-wielding vandals marred the logo of a certain celebrity-obsessed blog about Bernal Heights:

Damn Kids

Very funny, fellas. Veeeeeery funny.

Luckily, a visiting member of Bernal Dads fan club, Bernalwood’s own Cub Reporter, doesn’t yet know how to read:

Jr. Race Fan

But out on the race course, the action was pretty intense. And if you happened to be sitting behind the wheel, it was even more so:

24 Hours of LeMons, October 2011

24 Hours of LeMons, October 2011

Indeed, the biggest problem the Bernal Dads encountered was… me. As the rookie driver on the team, my enthusiasm often overwhelmed both common sense and the laws of physics. Or, to paraphrase Top Gun, my accelerator foot had a bad habit of writing checks that the Molvo and the Whale couldn’t cash. As a result, I managed to accrue an astonishingly large amount of penalties in an impressively short amount of time. For this I will forever be contrite.

But on the bright side, even though I spun the Molvo once and put The Whale in the dirt twice (Doh!), I did not wreck either car, and returned both to the paddock more or less in the same condition as when I strapped in behind the wheel. Which I think counts as a victory, of a sort.

Oh, and along the way, I had a fantastic amount of fun.

When the checkered flag waved at the end of the weekend, these were the final results:

The Whale: 52nd place overall after completing 212 laps

The Molvo: 82nd place overall, after completing 176 laps

So we did not return home with glistening trophies or big piles of cash money. Yet the Bernal Dads managed always to look sexxxy and glamorous, and as we all know, in Bernal Heights, that’s really all that matters:

PHOTOS: Brandon Powell and Telstar Logistics

WTF? Ugly Pile of Trash Dumped on Bernal Hill Reminds Us That Such Ugliness Was Once Very Common

Reader Tony, who captured this grim photo on the north side of Bernal Hill on Sunday morning, asks:

WTF? Too poor to pay the dump fee, so we dump it @ Bernal Hill? What’s SF coming to?

WTF is right. (CUE: Crying Indian) But if there is a bright side to the tale, it is that this pile of trash stands out as a relatively rare anomaly. Indeed, this wretched scene is less an indicator of what SF is coming to, than a reminder of how far it as come. After all, not all that long ago, Bernal Hill was routinely used as a dump.

Consider this recollection by Jerry Schimmel about what Bernal Heights Boulevard was like during the 1960s and early 1970s:

The hill was actually a large open wasteland under nominal purview of the Department of Public Works, known by most as DPW. The west and east quarries were in regular use as auxiliary dumps by citizens too cheap, poor, or lazy to pay for hauling or couldn’t manage the drive to Beatty Avenue. Neighborhood residents were among the offenders, if not the worst. I remember Gloria Jiunti at 44 Mullen Avenue once sounding off about a load of worn car parts: “Aw, take it up on the hill and dump it!” And her attitude was not uncommon.

Like the quarries, the roadside verge was and still is an easy place to leave anything from a stained, lumpy mattress to the aromatic leftovers of Saturday night’s blowout. Some dumpers put their trash behind the guardrail (and still do) in a guilty effort to hide it, making it that much harder to retrieve.

In 1966, street sweepers made regular trips to keep the boulevard clear, but in order to get a really big mess hauled away from the quarries, several residents simultaneously had to put the screws on DPW’s Army Street office.

So as grim as this weekend’s trash dump was, the fact that it is so unusual, and attracted so much scorn, is actually a sign of progress. That said, when I drove around Bernal Hill on Monday night, the big trash pile was still there. Ew. Looks like someone needs to put the screws to 311.

PHOTOS: Top, Reader Tony. Historic photos, Jerry Schimmel via Found SF

The Bernal Dads Racing Team Is Off to the Races (With a New Sponsor) This Weekend

Bernal Dad Wrenching

Well, they got it done. It wasn’t easy, or pretty, but those handy fellas from Bernal Dads Racing managed to successfully transplant a new engine inside the old hulk of “The Whale,” their battle-scarred Volvo 240 race car. Here’s what the re-insertion looked like:

Wrenching the Whale

For a while it was touch and go. Just one week ago, the new engine was bolted in place, with all the wiring and hoses reconnected. But when the key was turned to start the motor, the Dads heard… nothing. The car wouldn’t start. And since a running motor is an essential prerequisite for a successful race car, this posed a big problem.

Luckily, the Dads have some mad mechanical skillz. After sleeping on the problem for a few days, one of them wandered into the garage to tinker around a little bit. Here’s what happened a few hours later:

Awesome sauce, indeed.

Tomorrow morning, the Bernal Dads Racing Team will haul their two race cars — the now-repowered Whale, and their mutant Miata-Volvo crossbreed “Molvo” — from their Bernal Heights workshop to Sears Point Raceway in Sonoma to take part in the Skankaway Anti-Toe Fungal 500, a two day race that’s part of the infamous 24 Hours of LeMons (as in “lemons”) racing series.

But the engine in The Whale isn’t the only thing that’s new. The Dads also have a new sponsor for this race…

Woo-hoo! What you’re seeing here isn’t another one of Bernalwood’s goofy Photoshop tricks; it’s the real deal. Plus, Bernalwood will be there to provide up-close coverage of this weekend’s race, because I’ve actually joined the Bernal Dads Racing Team as their newest driver. (GULP!)

So wish us luck. And if you happen to see the Bernal Dads as they leave Bernal Heights on Friday morning, give a wave. Or, even better, dress your innocent young children in flowing white robes, then send them out to line Cortland and shower the Dads and their janky racing machines with garlands and flower petals, in the manner of gladiatorial heroes departing for combat.

That would be nice.

New Sponsor

PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics and Ben Buja

Pretty Home on Precita Sells Pretty Quickly at Pretty Price

For Bernal Heights homeowners, here’s an interesting (and encouraging) data point. The 3BR, 3BA house at 315 Precita, on the north side of Precita Park just east of Folsom, just sold for $1,275,000. Realtor Sabrina Gee-Shin says:

Everything about 315 Precita is wonderful — starting with the neighborhood.  This gorgeous home sits along Precita Park — a great place for picnics, neighborhood film night and walking your dog.  It’s a slice of Bernal Heights heaven and just a hop, skip and jump from the action in the Mission.

I represented the buyer of this lovely property.  It’s a 3 Bedroom, 3 Full Bathroom, 2,100 Square Foot home with meticulous attention to all sorts of details like lighting for the wine refrigerator, steam sauna with limestone tile, media room with integrated sound system, and a VAVOOM hood for the gourmet Viking Range stove.

It’s a sweet pad with sweet amenities, obviously, but it’s nice to know that despite all the economic turmoil, glamorous homes can still fetch a fair penny here in Bernalwood.

UPDATE:

If you’er a potential home-buyer on the hunt for something more affordable, our friends at Curbed SF have tipped us off to a small cottage at 264 Mullen that can be had for less than $500K:

PHOTO: Top, via San Francisco MLS

Your October SFPD Crime Report for Bernal Heights

Uniform

Reader Sarah and Sidekick Edie attended the monthly Captain’s Meeting at the SFPD’s Ingleside Station (so you didn’t have to). And once again, the notes they shared with us are invaluable. Read on to find out what’s going on in the neighborhood, and how to stay safe:

Ingleside Community Meetings are held on third Tuesday of every month from 7 to 8 pm in the Community Room of the Ingleside station, and all are welcome to attend and ask questions. This is a great opportunity to meet and discuss crime and other problems affecting the district. 

Captain’s report by: Lieutenant Mario Delgadillo (filling in for Captain Mahoney, who was at a training session).

1. The biggest new issue for the police is Occupy SF. All districts have been sending four to five officers to the site regularly during the week, which then means fewer officers are available in the district. It also affects their ability to train the officers new to the district. That said, he added that only small splinter groups had been at all violent, and he said that many officers “would like to agree with their cause.”

2. There was a double shooting last week in the Sunnydale area; both people survived. The police have been successful in getting guns off the street in the past week. One incident, however, involved someone holding a toy rifle that looked extremely realistic. If it had been night, the person would likely have been shot. The upshot: don’t let your kids have realistic-looking guns, especially assault rifles (in case you thought that was a great idea).

3. There was a spate of robberies over the weekend in the district – across neighborhoods, apparently unconnected. There has also been a spate of bike thefts along Monterey Blvd, so the bike decoy program will likely show up there soon. It’s slow going but several people have been caught. Also have a laptop lojack decoy – an officer sitting with a bag, waiting to catch anyone who runs up and steals it.

4. There have been some new personnel rotated into the station since June:

  • Lt. Parra was a lieutenant before he transferred here. 
  • Lt. Delgadillo started off 30 years working gangs and narcotics in the Mission, as Sgt. he worked gangs all over the came to Ingleside. Now he’ noticing a new generation: retired police officers’ kids are arresting older gang members’ kids.
  • Lt. Tom Feledey was a sergeant before he came here. 
  • Lt. Trena Wearing is familiar with this district because she did recruiting here.

5. Sarah asked about the spate of wallet/bag thefts at the library playground in Bernal Heights. This had been a topic of discussion recently on the Bernal Parents List. Lt. Delgadillo didn’t think most of them had been reported, as is often the case when the victim assumes that there is little chance that the item will be recovered. But let us encourage everyone to report these crimes, even when they’re small, because the data is what allows the police to spot a trend and start using decoy programs, stationing plainclothes officers, etc. to catch the perpetrators. Lt. Delgadillo made a note of this rash of thefts, however, and will report it to the captain.

6. The lieutenant came prepared to talk about Bernal Heights. There are lots of social and cultural activities in Bernal Heights, with lots of people on the streets, so people look out for each other and don’t hesitate to call the police. Only 4 incidents reported in Bernal in the month reported on (9/11 to 10/8):

  • Shooting on Franconia. Two friends got into a fight in a house, one shot and killed the other. Arrest was made the following day when the suspect returned to his house to walk his pit bull. Officers had staked out the house and arrested him.
  • Aggravated assault at 30th and Mission
  • Bike theft
  • Car break in

Miscellaneous other information:

– Captains throughout the districts: District captains work the day shift. At night there’s a single captain for the whole city.

Urban Shield: This past month, SWAT teams from all over the world (Jordan, Israel, East Coast US, etc.) came here to do 31 exercises in 48 hours. The teams worked non-stop in various scenarios including hostages, terrorists, dignitaries and moved from one incident location to another all over the Bay Area, including on ferries, BART, aircraft, etc. Interesting trivia: Jordan’s team shot everyone in sight in an exercise to protect a dignitary (considering everyone they “shot” as collateral damage), but they also have a separate all-female SWAT team to work in areas men aren’t allowed. SF has two SWAT teams. Some of the Peninsula cities have shared SWAT teams.

Neighborhood watch groups are very good at affecting crime. In the Mission, when Lt. Delgadillo was working there on gang matters, neighbors began doing neighborhood walks, accompanied by police officers. The gang members saw them with the police and realized that they couldn’t touch the neighbors or they’d get arrested, so they moved away from the walkers and changed to other streets.

Alemany trash and graffiti: Police are trying to clean up abandoned cars and campers (some with people living in them) because they’re a hazard to kids who might try to get into them. Campers also go to Holly Park to camp – probably when the police have moved them off of Alemany. Police are being aggressive (within the law) by towing vans, but there’s only so much they can do. (A member of the community had asked about these.)

– The sidewalk at the top of the hill overlooking San Jose Avenue between the Highland and Richland Avenue bridges is not mapped in the 911 system. When neighbors call, the operators always thinks they’re talking about the sidewalk at the street level on San Jose Ave. itself, not the paths behind the houses up above San Jose. The group discussed how to fix this issue using specific language and asking to speak to a supervisor.

Marijuana dispensaries: will the Feds start clamping down again? Rumors abound, but not an SFPD priority. FBI and DEA can undertake their own actions, however.

– A suspect in a recent series of bank robberies all over the Bay Area was apprehended on Tuesday in the Ingleside District. Another bank robber turned himself in the same day. 

CRIME STATS:
4-week period, 9/11/11 to 10/8/11

Crime/Number of Incidents/% change (month)/% change (YTD)/# arrests

Aggravated Assault/23/-12%/-33%/13
Robbery/23/-12%/6%/4
Sexual Assualt/2/1/100%/0
Burglary/34/10%/-16%/1
Auto Theft/40/-30%/-13%/0
Theft from Auto/43/-17%/-6%/0

PHOTO: Telstar Logistics