FINALLY!! BIGFOOT SIGHTING ON BERNAL HILL!!

Friends and neighbors, that is a headline I’ve wanted to write for almost two years.

But, really, it’s true! Bigfoot WAS spotted today on Bernal Hill, and Neighbor Frank was there with a camera to capture an image of the wild beast. Let’s zoom and enhance for a closer look:

Neighbor Frank writes:

My wife and I were walking around the top of the hill just before noon today and spotted Bigfoot, or something like that, running up the hill near the top of Rosenkranz Street.

We thought that maybe Bernalwood was Bigfoot’s new habitat, but in the heat, Bigfoot removed his head and looked more like a person in a costume, surrounded by two photographers.

Phone pictures are all I have as evidence.  No footprints or DNA samples.

PHOTOS: Neighbor Frank

A Neighborly Response to an Anonymous and (Arguably) Passive-Aggressive Note

There’s been a development in the diplomatic kerfuffle on Colridge.

Sources tell Bernalwood that a response has now been posted to counter the anonymous and (debatably) passive-aggressive note that targeted a Bernal resident whose garbage cans are not hidden from the street.

The recipient, owner of said garbage cans, has responded with the note shown above. And @jack415 approves:

@Bernalwood, I so would like to hug her. Way to go, neighbors!

PHOTO: @jack415

A Rare Diesel Machinery Sighting on Bernal Hill

As you know, Bernalwood routinely carries news about strange creatures spotted on Bernal Hill. Today neighbor Ken found two large and unusual specimens in the wild:

Another day in paradise. This big baby got through the Bernal gate for a retaining wall project on the street below.

Judging from the white coloration and bold display of plumage, this would appear to be a male Levo Telescopicus. A female Vehiculum Gravis was observed not far behind, bearing a load of ferrous material:

PHOTOS: Neighbor Ken

Aviation Disaster at the Alemany Flea Market

There was a big plane crash at the Alemany Flea Market last Sunday.

Sprawling across several display tables, one of the merchants was selling dozens and dozens and dozens of scale plastic model airplanes.

Plane Crash

Plane Crash

The models had all come from the ceiling-suspended collection of a geeky aviation enthusiast. (I know, I know… that’s redundant.) The collection spanned decades, eras, nations, and types, and most of the models had been built with loving attention paid to paint schemes and insignia.

Plane Crash

Plane Crash

There were just so many planes, all stacked and arranged haphazardly, sometimes a few  planes deep, so it looked as if a tornado had struck a desert aircraft storage yard.

Plane Crash

Plane Crash

Bernalwood’s Cub Reporter wanted to pick out an airplane to take home. She selected a lovely Lockheed Super Constellation in Lufthansa colors, circa 1955.

Plane Crash

A very tasteful choice. Daddy was impressed.

PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics

Who Is Leaving Anonymous, Passive-Aggressive Notes On Coleridge?

nothing says "i love my neighborhood" like taping passive-aggressive anonymous notes to your neighbors's houses.

Neighbor Ellen wonders WTF:

I’d love to know who is leaving these notes on our houses on Coleridge.

They appeared on houses between the mini-park and Fair Avenue sometime early this morning (or very late last night).

One of my neighbors had apparently gotten a similar anonymous note and had put up a note a week or so ago saying she’d like to talk about it and leaving her name and phone number. This new note was just taped above hers, ignoring her request to speak to them directly.

Recently, we got hand-written note on one of our scooters. It was legally parked, but not in the motorcycle parking spaces by the mini-park, where we usually park it. We have to move it for street cleaning, of course. This note said we were bad neighbors for parking anywhere but the motorcycle spaces. There was no name on it, but there was a phone number — of an out-of-town Hertz rental car agency, and nobody knows anybody there who lives in Bernal Heights.

Who could be angry anonymous note-poster be? They sure aren’t making any friends. One idea we had is that it could be a real estate agent or broker who doesn’t live in the neighborhood.

Another possibility: Mitt Romney moved in down the street.

PHOTO: Neighbor Ellen

Swarming Gastropods Invade Bernal Home, Veeeery Sloooowly

Neighbor Michelle reports that her home on Highland Ave. has been besieged by a relentless army of invading snails:

Last night I went out to the garage to do my laundry (in true Bernalwood style this means going out the front door to get to the garage), and discovered this S.L.O.W. invasion of my home in progress.

Either that or they’re lined up to watch slug races up and down the street!

Follow that mucus-trail!

PHOTO: Neighbor Michelle

Bernal Stitchbomber Strikes Again, Creates Golden Gate Bridge Installation on the Hill

The Bernal Stitchbomber has struck again, with a Golden Gate Bridge-themed piece on Bernal Hill:

Another Stitchbomb – this is a large-scale adaptation of my Golden Gate Bridge cross-stitch pattern, done at the top of beautiful Bernal Hill on a windy day. It’s lopsided because the girls decided, all of a sudden, that they are terrified of dogs. Please note: top of Bernal Hill is all dogs. I felt bad for them and mortified simultaneously, and worked frantically to get it done before they completely lost their marbles.

UPDATE: The Bernal Stichbomber celebrates Matt Cain’s perfect game!

PHOTO: Fun of a Stitch

Merchant vs. Merchant on Precita Park

Recent visitors to the Harvest Hills Market on the southwest corner of Precita Park may have noticed an odd sign in the window.

The sign shows a picture of Charlie, the vintage tuna mascot, along with Starkist’s venerable motto, “Sorry Charlie.” The text then goes on to explain that Harvest Hills no longer sells produce to “some local cafe owners and store owners,” to ensure that nearby merchants do not buy-out Harvest Hills’s inventory of low-priced produce.

Of course, the Starkist allusion can only be a reference to Charlie’s Cafe, located just a few doors north on Folsom Street. It would appear there are some unresolved issues between the two merchants. We suspect it isn’t only about produce sales.

*Awkward!*

Neighbor Dan wrote to Bernalwood with this comment:

Not sure if you’ve heard about the ongoing feud between Harvest Hills and Charlies, but it appears to have gotten worse, judging from the pictured sign that was posted recently to the store window. It confirms what Charlie has told me, namely that Harvest Hills employees are refusing to sell produce to employees of Charlies Cafe.

I should start off by saying I probably don’t have all the facts. That means it’s possible Harvest Hills has good reasons for turning away Charlies’ employees when they want to purchase bananas or onions. And even if Harvest Hills doesn’t have a good reason, the store owners are probably well within their rights to decide who they do business with. That said, Charlie tells me he’s attempted to buy food fewer than 15 times in the two years that Harvest Hills has been in business, and then only when food he purchased ahead of time has run out or unexpectedly gone bad. If true, that doesn’t sound like Charlie’s is “buying all of one or two produce products that we have.”

Harvest Hills should know that when I (a customer of both establishments) can’t get avocado on my sandwich because the batch Charlie purchased earlier that morning went bad, the refusal to sell Charlie a single avocado affects me negatively. So forgive me if I don’t buy the notion that Harvest Hills is putting its customers first. More to the point, the “Sorry Charlie” title and image seem unnecessarily rude. Is this really the way fellow business people should treat each other?

An Anonymous Bernal Tuna harpooned a metaphor to make a larger point:

I’ve heard it all before.  Chicken of the Sea.  I always wanted to be that; sure, who didn’t?  Have your bulging salmon torso spinning out of control, like a marlin on a can of tuna.  Now I’ve accepted myself for who I am, a scrawny tuna.  I lead a pretty quiet existence now, swimming up a private stream near Precita Park.  While munching on some flies yesterday, I  overhead some humans chatting about the sign at the Harvest Hills Market that said “Sorry Charlie”.   It brought up all that stuff up again – too thin, too small, not pink enough, eyes too wide-set like a halibut.  I pooped so damn much in the stream even the frogs stopped croaking.  So, can I just ask just once, “Can we all try to get along?”

As a factual matter, Bernalwood will merely add that Harvest Hills does indeed have low prices on high-quality produce. Two examples caught our eye last weekend: sugar snap peas for $1.25 a pound, and fresh shitake mushrooms for $2.95 a pound. Get ’em while they last.

UPDATE: Neighbors report that the Sorry Charlie signs have now been removed from the windows of Harvest Hills

UPDATE 2: In the comments, a reader directs us to some backstory on the controversy, which has also spilled out onto Yelp.

PHOTO: Telstar Logistics

Giant Gold Nugget Discovered on Bernal Heights Boulevard

The anonymous creative genius who adopted the big rock on Bernal Heights Boulevard that overlooks downtown is always full of surprises. The latest is a sparkling paint job that makes the rock look like a giant gold nugget. Rather awesome.

PS: Does that big rock have a name? If not, it needs one. The Bernalwood Nomenclature Committee will consider any and all suggestions.

PHOTOS: Rick Carlstrom

Resplendent Tree Moose Found in Bernal Back Yard

** EXCLUSIVE! MUST CREDIT BERNALWOOD!**

Researchers working in a remote Bernal Heights back yard recently made a most startling discovery: The Resplendent Tree Moose, captured during a rare moment of repose in his leafy refuge. Prof. Mason of the Bernalwood Exotic Species Project sends us this exclusive footage:

In this episode of Wild Kingdom, we track, at dusk, the Resplendent Moose in his native tree top habitat of Bernal Heights. Witness the careful attention to detail as it dons its ritual “sleeping mask” all while resting comfortably in the high tree tops it calls “home.” Never before seen on camera is the pre-bed time appliqué of pajama bottoms over-the-underwear-mask. This behavior is unexplained and we can only subject it to the scientific community at large for advice, comment and explanation.