Author: Todd_Lappin

24 Hours of Summer Sunday in Bernal Heights

/ Todd_Lappin / 3 Comments

Let the record show that summer arrived in Bernal Heights last weekend, sometime during Saturday night. Sunday, June 10, 2012 turned out to be a gloriously sunny day, with no wind, no clouds, no chill, and really nothing to complain about.

Of course, by the time you read this, summer may already be over. Yet for 24 hours on Sunday, the Citizens of Bernalwood celebrated the arrival of the warm sun by taking to the streets for food, festivals, and fun. Let’s review.

At St. Anthony’s Church in Precitaville, they held a typically lovely gala in the church’s parking lot/playground area. It was a great scene, especially when the band began to channel Carlos Santana (who of course used to live just a few blocks away).

Give it a listen:

A few hundred yards west on Precita, the Bernal Heights Junior Capitalist League spotted an opportunity in the heat, which they decided to exploit by selling a very delicious sparkling citrus drink. It was two for a dollar, so Bernalwood’s Cub Reporter and I each had one. Refreshing!

Young Capitalists

On Cortland, things were jumping at Heartfelt, as Bernal neighbor Jane Wattenberg was on hand with a few of her animals for an event to celebrate her hilariously awesome Mrs. Mustard’s Beastly Babies book. When the Cub Reporter and I showed up at the door, we were greeted by a hungry goat:

Satyr

Inside, Neighbor Jane (that’s her at far right) introduced visitors to her books, her ducks, and her chickens. All her animals are certified Residents of Bernalwood.

Mrs. Mustard at Heartfelt

While we were there, one of her chickens laid an egg. They don’t get any fresher than that, really. Jane kindly gave the egg to the Cub Reporter to adorn her breakfast plate during the week ahead. (UPDATE Monday, June 11, 09:20 am: The Cub Reporter ate the egg this morning. Yum!)

Meanwhile, there was a block party on Mullen Ave., where cute little animals were also the focus of attention — but in a very different role. On Mullen, the animals were the main course:

Perhaps inadvertently, Mullen appears to have become a Apocalypse Now-style celebration of the senses, as the featured events included not only a spit-roasted pig, but also a glamorous sidewalk hot tub:

Neighbor Mason made a Zapruder-quality video that captures the vibe of the Mullen Melee. (PRO TIP: Mason! Could you turn the camera horizontal when you make movies? Thankssomuch. xoxoxo.)

Mercifully, Sunday remained warm, even as the sun started to set. Team Bernalwood celebrated this rare fact in true fashion by dining al fresco in the back yard.

SF Al Fresco

It was wonderful, but much like the recent Transit of Venus, a night this warm may not happen again in San Francisco for another 104 years. We savored it.

PHOTOS: Top, Richfles. Mullen photos from Neighbor Amanda. All other pics by Telstar Logistics.

Beastly Babies and Fun for Kids at Heartfelt, Sunday

/ Todd_Lappin

Miss Darcy from Heartfelt on Cortland tells us that her store will host a kid-centric event at 2 pm on Sunday, with a a few special guest stars: two chickens, a duck, a rabbit… and maybe even a baby goat. Oh, and they all live in Bernal Heights.

The event is a celebration for the newest book in the Mrs. Mustard oeuvre, Mrs. Mustard’s Beastly Babies. And just like the chickens, the duck, the rabbit, and maybe the baby goat, Mrs. Mustard herself — aka Jane Wattenberg — also lives here in Bernalwood.

Here’s everything you need to know:

Saturday: Clean Up Bernal Heights! With the Mayor! How Glamorous!

/ Todd_Lappin / 3 Comments

Clean Team is a San Francisco volunteer program that matches city agencies with City residents and merchants to clean San Francisco neighborhoods and spiffy-up public spaces.

The next Clean Team event will happen Saturday morning in Bernal Heights(!), and the City seeks volunteers to join. Bernalwood’s sources tell us the effort will focus on weeding and litter pickup along the Bernal Cut, with another group working around Holly Park.

All the details are right here:

Join Mayor Ed Lee, Supervisor Scott Wiener, Supervisor David Campos, and the Community Clean Team as we clean and green San Francisco in Districts 8 and 9! Volunteers will work on tree care, landscaping and gardening projects, remove weeds and overgrown vegetation, paint over graffiti, and help clean up litter around the neighborhood. Lunch will be provided.

Kickoff site:
Fairmount Elementary School
65 Chenery Street

Saturday
June 9, 2012
9am – 12pm

PHOTO: Mayor Ed Lee

Poultry Alert: White Chicken Lost Near Folsom and Ripley

/ Todd_Lappin / 5 Comments

Neighbor Orlando has issued an all-points-bulletin seeking help to recover a chicken that has gone missing in the area of Folsom and Ripley streets near the summit of Bernal Hill:

My neighbor Rick who lives across the street from me in the place better known as the “farmhouse mansion,” (yes the one built in 1870) lost a white chicken, size small. Please,  would you kindly announce the loss and if anyone finds it they can ring my doorbell and I will handle it from there.

Alternatively, if you have seen the bird that flew the coop, you can contact the Bernalwood Lost Poultry Hotline at bernalwood at gmail dot com.

UPDATE: Stand down, citizens! Neighbor Mark recovered the wayward chicken.

PHOTO: Typical white chicken courtesy of Scorpions and Centaurs

Catlandia: Awesome Parody Video Explains Proper Feral Cat Recovery Technique

/ Todd_Lappin / 3 Comments

Speaking of how to deal with things you find on the street, The Bold Italic steers us toward this hilarious AND helpful parody video created by the San Francisco SPCA:

The SF SPCA recently recently made this funny spoof of Portlandia. Its video, Catlandia, is all about the SF SPCA’s trap-neuter-return program for feral cats. Besides teaching us how we can help prevent more feral kittehs from popping up on SF streets (and shelters), the video also pokes fun at San Franciscans’ obsessions with texting, localism, artisanal cheeses, recycling, urban beekeeping, and more. Well done, SPCA.

Bernalwood seconds the well done.

What Is Buried Under the Big Shrub/Tree Thing on Bernal Hill?

/ Todd_Lappin / 7 Comments

Bernal Hill

Bernal Hill

The big shrub/tree thingy on the eastern slope of Bernal Heights Park is one of the most impressive — if underrated —  features on the hill. The consensus among our local plantspotters is that it’s a California Buckeye (Aesculus californica).

The Buckeye cuts a dramatic profile from almost any angle, but if you look at it closely you might notice two small grave markers tucked away under the branches on the downtown-facing side. How creepy! How gothic!

So who’s buried under there? The answer becomes clear if you dare approach for a closer look: The grave markers belong to departed subcultural pets.

One of the tombstones remembers a punk rock rabbit named Vikktor who died earlier this year:

Buckeye Grave

The other is a snake named Spike that began its eternal rest in 2010:

Buckeye Grave

PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics

What Neighborhood Is This? Bernal Resident Creates iPhone App to Find Out

/ Todd_Lappin / 8 Comments

We are a forward-looking community, here in Bernal Heights. We may prefer our meat butchered mid-20th century style, but when it comes to the latest Intertube technologies, Bernal Heights is very much on the cutting edge.  So when Neighbor Isaac, a Bernal resident, got fed up with wondering “What neighborhood am I in?” as he wandered around our City, he solved the problem by creating a simple iPhone applet to answer the question with satellite-guided precision.

To use the app, you don’t even have to visit the App Store. Just steer the browser on your iPhone to isaa.ch/sf, and follow the simple instructions on your screen. Neighbor Isaac explains:

It doesn’t show you a map, or tell you the history of the neighborhood, or link to Wikipedia, or provide droll stereotypes or give you vital stats like population or elevation or weather. It just tells you what neighborhood you’re currently in—and how far you are from the closest adjacent neighborhood. That’s it.

I say “iPhone app” and I mean that in the same sense that Steve Jobs did in 2007 when he announced that the iPhone would support third-party apps. It’s a web page.

Add it as a bookmark to the home screen, though, and it’s pretty app-like. It works like this

It’s barely even a beta; more of a steel thread. But hey, have at it: visit isaa.ch/sf on your iPhone, and add a bookmark to your home screen.

Some limitations, even within the admittedly narrow feature scope:

  • you pretty much have to be in San Francisco for it to be of any use;
  • if you’re not in San Francisco then not only will it be no use but the distance calculation (which depends on a pretty rough and ready approximation from spherical to planar geometry) will become less accurate the further you are away; and
  • error cases aren’t handled terribly gracefully.

I took the app for a test drive in my back yard, and as you see above, it worked flawlessly. But I was also curious about how it would handle the delicate geo-politics of the La Lengua Autonomous Zone.

So I went for a walk into the heart of La Lengua. Once there, I stood on a sidewalk deep in La Lengua territory, between Mission and San Jose Streets, quite literally in front of the La Lengua Rebel Command Compound (LaLeRebCoCo). Then I fired up Neighbor Isaac’s app to see how it would describe my location.

This was the politically explosive result:

The La Lenguans will not be happy about this. But that’s the way it goes: Those who make the tools also get to make the rules.

PHOTOS: Telstar Logistics

Lama’s Kenpo Karate Returning to Cortland; Bernal Heights Ninjas Rejoice

/ Todd_Lappin / 9 Comments

Though it’s not the kind of thing we usually discuss publicly, this is a Golden Age for Bernal Heights ninjas.

First we got Brandan Lai’s super-convenient ninja supply boutique over on Mission Street. Now we’re getting a new karate school at 461 Cortland, in the space formerly occupied by Bernal Yoga.

Actually, we’re getting a karate school, again. The new studio will belong to Lama’s Kenpo Karate, which is returning to Bernal Heights after after a 10+ year hiatus. Founder Mo Lama — that’s Mo, smiling above — first opened his studio in Bernal Heights almost two decades ago. The studio’s website tells the creation story:

In 1986, Lama’s Kenpo Karate began as an idea to facilitate the art of Shaolin Kenpo to friends and family members in the Bernal Heights community as a way to build self-confidence, awareness, and self-defense. In the mid 80’s, the Bernal Heights neighborhood was known to have an above average crime rate, which included random assaults, robberies, and the selling of illegal drugs. It made walking the streets unsafe during any time of the day. Although, this was considered a rough neighborhood it was Professor Lama’s vision to share his knowledge in self-defense so that others may benefit.

Professor Lama first began teaching out of his own garage where he only had five students. The space was very limited, but Professor managed to teach katas and conduct sparring sessions in his 12’x18′ garage space. His motivation and combined passion for teaching encouraged him to open up his first formal karate studio in Bernal Heights. After four successful years in business, Lama’s Kenpo Karate expanded and moved into a larger location in Bernal Heights.

As enrollment increased at Lama’s Kenpo Karate, Sibok Lama moved the school to its present day location in San Bruno, Ca.

The San Bruno school will remain open, with a second branch re-opening in the space on Cortland, in a Bernal Heights that is much changed from 1986. Back then, Bernal was rough and scary. Today, celebrities and fashionistas wander the streets of Bernal Heights without hesitation or fear. The logical conclusion?  We have the local ninjas from Lama’s Kenpo Karate to thank for this.

Bernalwood is told that Mo Lama himself will be teaching at the Cortland location two days a week, with a pair of blackbelts who live in the neighborhood running the school the rest of the time. Great news, and welcome back to Cortland, Professor Lama!

Finally, we hope you will enjoy this inspiring recruitment video created on behalf of the Bernalwood Self-Defense Forces:

PHOTO: Top, Neighbor Mason. Below, Telstar Logistics