Cupid Blamed for Weird Car Crash on Bernal Summit


Ah, the things we do for love.

You no doubt recall that weird incident earlier this week which saw a car crash into a guard rail near the summit of Bernal Hill beyond the access road gate. And then, of course, the driver of the vehicle declared he was Steve Jobs.

Well it turns out the whole thing was a romantic interlude that went horribly, terribly, insanely, stupidly wrong. So someone at SFPD’ Ingleside station had a lot of fun writing it up in the station’s normally staid crime newsletter:

Incident Date:
Monday, March 16th, 2015

7:20am  Bernal Heights/Anderson Vandalism
The third time was not a charm for two young lovers who wanted to park in a spot with a view of the City. The man and woman decided to consummate their feelings by the Bernal Heights radio tower. However, the road to the tower is protected by a gate thwarting their amorous plans, but only for a short minute. The lovers decided that no gate was going to prevent a wonderful morning so the two, in their Honda Civic, rammed the gate to gain entrance. But the gate didn’t break. So, they backed up and hit the gate a second time and again the gate held tight. The third time, they backed up even farther, and successfully broke open the gate, before speeding up the access road to the top of the hill. All the noise alerted nearby residents and dog walkers who promptly called police. Ingleside Officers Wong and Chang responded and found the couple, and their severely damaged Honda, parked near the radio towers. Both were put in custody and the driver, who didn’t have a valid California license or insurance, was booked for trespassing, vandalism, malicious mischief, and other charges. Report number: 150233507

Further proof: Bernal Heights is for lovers.

PHOTO: Car crashed on Bernal Hill, March 16, 2015, by Neighbor Devon

8 thoughts on “Cupid Blamed for Weird Car Crash on Bernal Summit

  1. I’d have guessed something other than alcohol myself. But you’re right, no drug or alcohol mentioned.

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  3. There are very few things men won’t say or do in order to get laid. This is evidence of that.

  4. Seems like a pair of bolt cutters or a cordless angle grinder would have done the trick a lot more cheaply than demolishing the car. In addition to which either of those options makes a lot less noise and might have enabled them to consummate their love without interference by the forces of order.

  5. It’s politically correct to omit the root cause.

    The authorities are remarkably merciful discussing people’s problems, which makes it appear outrageous character assassination when there’s a case of police brutality or something and they are forced to level up on what’s really going on. If they could and did speak candidly about root causes in every case we’d be inured to it and wonder how they manage to keep their composures as well as they do, handling one unmanageable problem after another indifferent families and gov’ts have left to them.

  6. Alcohol lessens inhibition, anesthetizes sensory nerves and impairs brain and CNS function. In other words, it only amplifies what is already there. People do plenty of dumb stuff without alcohol. This couple was under the influence of a far more powerful drug…

    fMRI imaging shows all sorts of changes in brain function when humans are sexually aroused. There are hormone-induced shifts in sensory inputs, gains and losses of various mental capabilities, and a cascade of other physical changes. Fascinating stuff. (Bay Area author plug: “Bonk” by Mary Roach!)

    We forget we are animals who happen to be able to think. This is a great news item.

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