The smarties over at the Bold Italic published a little article this week which seeks to describe various San Francisco parks in terms of the kind of people they would be if they were people. Which is an odd conceit, because they are not people; theyre parks. But still… let’s just go with it.
Anyway, here’s the kind of person they say Bernal Hill would be if it was a person (which, as we have already established, it actually isn’t):
BERNAL HILL
42, female, 5’6″, 150 lbsBernal Hill has always been somewhat removed from traditional social circles. She’s the type to stand off to the side at dinner parties, never one to reach out to others to make plans, and is most comfortable when she’s alone. However, despite this reclusive behavior, she’s not a negative person – far from it. With a smile and a sharp eye, she pays attention to what others are doing, just like a lone eagle might attentively survey the land.
In other words, Bernal Hill is basically… Alanis Morissette? Hmm.
ILLUSTRATION: The Bold Italic
Bernalwood 
Um, okay. So. That would be me.
too funny but needs more work!
Bernal Hill is Waldo’s sister?
I think maybe Waldo in drag.
Somewhere between Waldo and Daria Morgendorffer, but she’d only be about 30.
Well, I’d say close enough. Also, San Francisco really seems to be the most navel-gazing of all cities.
Call me grumpy but all these lists basically seem to “work” on the same principle as horoscopes, the Forer effect.
Oh well, a good break from crime and people get hurt I suppose. Don’t mind me.
That’s totally me, if off by a few years and pounds
haha, that’s me, too.
I was all ready to roll my eyes at Bold Italic cliches until i realized that was describing me EXACTLY. Same age, 2 inches taller, 10# heavier. Dammit!
Ladies of this ilk, we need to form a social club.
Ah, but you have to remember that this illustration was painted by an artist hampered by youth and, apparently, a narrow perspective, judging from all the other “characters” in the original article. Also keep in mind that the not-yet-matured authors and designers of Bold Italic tend to pander to their targeted readership’s urge to anthropomorphize everything about SF to fit their own narrow, hipster world view, presenting such niche ideas as a given, and ignoring the fact that by far the majority of our citizens are not of the hipster generation or mindset, thank goodness. I’m guessing an artist of another generation, with a broader world-view, would come up with a less cliche, more nuanced visualization of our hilltop park, one that conveys perspective and is inclusive rather than passive-dismissive.
I totally agree with you, having lived in Bernal over 40 years.
She would definitely be red or reddish brown. Not white (or peachy white). Her eyes would be hazel (sometimes they look more green, or blue, or gray, or more golden golden brown) colored.