Humans Prevail, Barely, in Standoff With Militant Raccoons

There is a siege underway on Eugenia Avenue, as clever, four-legged creatures with fiendishly nimble thumbs have declared war on a family of Bernal bipeds. Neighbors Limor and Lisha report from the front lines:

We thought we’d share this with the Bernalistas… Two very daring raccoons have been having a night war with us, which lately stretched into the early mornings.

Pentagon sources tell Bernalwood that SEAL Team Six is standing by to assist if necessary.

PHOTO: Neighbor Limor

10 thoughts on “Humans Prevail, Barely, in Standoff With Militant Raccoons

  1. Raccoon babies are born every summer in a nook between our house and the neighbors. Baby raccoon sightings on our front porch are a frequent occurrence. After they are weaned, they cross Precita Avenue to go terrorize the residents up the hill.

  2. We’ve had them come to visit our backyard on Elsie as well! They seem so cute until they really want something! I wonder if this is why so many cats go missing on our hill? Yikes!

    • War? What are the weapons?
      A group of raccoons systematically cleared my backyard of snails and slugs. I always know when they’ve been around because my flower posts are a bit off center. They move the pots to check for good eats. Great flexible wrists and digits.
      I think most cats have keener senses and know to stay at a safe distance.
      Remember, they were here way before us!

      • They were here before the residents… But the residents living habits gave the racoons a predator free environment, ample food source, shelter, etc.

        I don’t think complaining about them and having them removed is stepping over the bounds of nature. They’re pests now, not wildlife.

  3. Less than a year ago, we were awakened to the sound of two fighting raccoons who, fighting across adjacent rooftops like some action-film, tumbled into our atrium.

    The noise was fantastic and the battle only ended when both figured out how to climb out again, back to the roof. Scars on our walls and dirt emptied from a flowerbed were the evidence left behind.

    The length of the fight left my wide wondering what to do should the two keep fighting in the cage match it had become.

  4. One of those Eugenia racoons was coming through our cat door at night and eating all the cat food. Once we figured it out and blocked off the cat door, s/he would just stand on the back porch, looking annoyed, waiting to be let in. Entitled little bastards, they are.

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