Passive-Aggressive Scenes from the Folsom Parking Wars

It seems that tempers are flaring on Folsom Street near Ripley, just below the entrance to Bernal Heights Park. Handbills have been slipped under doormats, and posted on telephone poles. There is much grumbling afoot.

A neighbor’s original handwritten note, shown on the left above, complained about a car which had not been moved for some unspecified period of time. The recipient’s response, neatly typed on the left, gave no ground in the quarrel, while mocking the original writer for having nothing better to do.  Meow!

To understand the issue, Bernalwood reached out to our Embedded Correspondent in the area, and we received this neighborly perspective:

This is a big problem. I know who wrote the handwritten note. He’s a wonderful neighbor and would never intentionally harm or threaten another neighbor. He’s just frustrated. The problem is bigger than it seems.

This section of Folsom is not street cleaned, and people can park here for days legally, sometimes weeks illegally, without having to move their cars. There are a handful of work trucks, second cars for folks, that live on this block.

The hostility would go away of those of us on this block were not charged with maintaining the street out front. Trash and tree debris is allowed to collect between perma-parkers and if I don’t want to see it I have to do something about it (it’s easy to argue that tree debris is not trash, but tell that to the folks who think leaf piles are rubbish heaps). Unfortunately 311 can take weeks to react to trash left near the park because of jurisdiction issues. Sweeping this block has become hobby (along with the man who wrote the handwritten note), and neighbors share their compost and trashcan space for maintenance. Apparently one neighbor is unaware of his or her neighbors’ contributions and care and has decided to make matters worse with another note.

I think this “parking war” is a misunderstanding and a waste of time. We need signage, street sweeping and no dumping to make this problem go away. Not sarcastic notes.

Equally valuable is the perspective provided by new neighbor RallyP, who moved to Bernal Heights from Boston about a year ago. Observing the controversy, Rally writes:

Alas, but what can you expect? Mired in the depths of a brutal San Francisco winter, bludgeoned by a never-ending barrage of 60+ degree sunny days, with only a rare chilly rainy evening to break the drudgery, it was only a matter time before our neighborly bonds would begin to strain.

PHOTOS: Top, RallyP

Mysterious Paint Blobs Befuddle Observant Pedestrians

Neighbor Leander discovered a Bernal Heights mystery recently:

My son and I walked all over south Bernal and noticed something odd: Every single storm drain has blobs of paint that look like balloons rising from the grating. The blobs are multicolored — red, blue and yellow — and most have long drips of white paint that look like balloon strings.

It was really strange. The first one, we thought someone had illegally dumped some paint down the drain. But they appear on literally every single drain we investigated.

Is it a strange art project? Some kind of construction signage, like the spray paint street hieroglyphics?

Or, another obvious possibility: Coded communications used by sewer-dwelling space aliens. Any other theories? Informed speculations?

UPDATE: Bernalwood readers are not only glamorous; they’re also wickedly well-informed. In the comments, we learn that these dots are markers used for San Francisco’s  mosquito abatement program. Wendy McNaughton created the illustrated answer:

PHOTOS: Neighbor Leander

Bernalwood Writer Discovers Secret to Better Marriage

Here’s a star sighting of sorts: Bernalwood contributor Elizabeth Weil wrote a piece for the Modern Love column in last Sunday’s New York Times. In it she explains her awkward quest to, as she puts it, “make my good marriage better.”

So what’s the secret? Here’s how Elizabeth describes her formula for marital improvement:

The lesson finally sank in. The key to a better marriage, for us, was not to hew closer to the general, to try to grind away the quirks or to more faithfully try to emulate the early-21st century marriage ideal. The key was to embrace, not blunt, the specifics — specifics that in the end we couldn’t blunt anyway. Despite all of our trying, Dan and I had not ground smooth our individual flaws. Yet our marriage still seemed better, changed. Maybe through our striving we had become more generous.

Elizabeth has more wisdom to impart in her forthcoming book: “No Cheating, No Dying: I Had a Good Marriage. Then I Tried To Make It Better.”

Amphibious Creature Discovered In Bernal Heights Back Yard

Neighbor Todd recently put on his pith helmet to embark upon an animal expedition in his back yard. He made a shocking discovery: creepy amphibians!

Your recent dispatch on Jerusalem crickets had me wondering what else lived in my yard, and not long ago, I found a pair of salamanders — yes salamanders — hiding out beneath a board. One of them found more private accommodations before I could return and take a picture, but I wanted to share the photographic evidence for your local wildlife files. Who knew salamanders lived in San Francisco? According to my research, this specimen is a California slender salamander.

Fascinating. Though the creature looks somewhat snake-like, this closeup of a California slender salamander grabbed from Wikipedia reveals that they actually walk on legs, and are actually rather cute (in that salamander sort of way):

However, latent cuteness cannot allow us to overlook the potential public safety menace posed by these delightful Bernalphibians. Because they are, after all, amphibious reptile-like creatures. And for all we know, they could potentially be cross-species allies of another amphibious reptile-like creature whose presence here would be much less charming:

Bernalzilla!

PHOTOS: Top, Todd Dayton; middle, Wikipedia; bottom, Telstar Logistics

And Now, Your Deepest, Darkest Nightmare…

Eeeeeeeeeeeek! It’s a image of hell! A full-color vision of the darkest nightmare that lurks in every Bernalista’s deepest subconscious.  A photo that could convert even the most laissez-faire YIMBY into a foaming NIMBY reactionary. And even more frightening: This isn’t one of Bernalwood’s goofy Photoshop stunts!

No, it’s very real. But fortunately, it isn’t here.

Instead, Reader Mason snapped this photo in Pleasanton, an entire town which is more or less founded on the idea of being the antithesis of everything Bernal Heights is about. So pinch yourself, close your eyes, rock gently back and forth, and repeat after me:

“It’s not here! It’s not here! It’s not here! It’s not here! It’s not here! It’s not here…”

PHOTO: Mason Kirby

Cortland “Prize Pocket” Now Joined by Racy “Prize Panties”

The Prize Pocket just off Cortland was clever and sweet, but not very stylish. Or sexxxy, for that matter. Well, now that problem has been addressed.

Thanks to everyone who called my attention to the lacy “Prize Panties” that were recently added to the same utility pole as the original Prize Pocket.

Regular… or spicy! Take your pick, but everyone goes home a winner:

PHOTOS: Top, David Gallagher. Below, Laurel May

Bernal Bikini Jogger Immortalized in Street Stencils

Our beloved Bikini Jogger enjoys a legendary reputation, and now her aura shines even brighter, thanks to some street art stencils that pay homage to her famous fitness technique.

Bluepearlgirl spotted the stencils around Bernalwood:

So this had me in stitches!  I thought it was just great. Our elusive Yeti on pavement!  I stopped in at Chuck’s to get a soda, and then continued on up to Holly Park.  When my friend and i got to the top of the stairs, I couldn’t believe it!!  There she was again!  Our Bikini jogger, immortalized again in paint.

PHOTOS: Bluepearlgirl

Paper Thief Piques Patron of the Printed Word

"Buy your own paper" sign

Most of us spend so much time in front of screens these days that newspapers are starting to seem downright quaint. Which is why this sign, spotted recently on Eugenia,  filled my heart with sadness and made me yearn for sunny Sundays of yore, when I would linger over the New York Times with a big mug of coffee.

Surely a Bernalwood denizen who is committed to carving out the time to get his or her fingers smudged on the Sunday Times — someone, moreover, who uses “whomever” correctly — (even if he or she, like this writer, needs to review the “whoever” vs. “whomever” rule) should not be deprived of this pleasure. It’s all the news that’s fit to print, not pilfer.