While Bernalwood readers debate the wisdom of installing security cameras along Bernal Heights Boulevard to deter illegal dumping, Neighbor Joe Thomas has developed a high-tech alternative: The Eye of Sautrito!
Inspired by J.R.R. Tolkien and developed by Raytheon in collaboration with DARPA, the Eye of Sautrito will combine high-resolution, full-motion video capability with infrared optics and a frequency hopping, continuous-wave signal calibrated to thwart electronic countermeasures. If illegal dumping is detected in the target area, the Eye of Sautrito uses a directed-energy pulse emitter to permanently disable the ignition systems of perpetrators’ vehicles while also rendering the perpetrators themselves sexually impotent. When fully operational, the system will provide continuous, on-station protection at all times of day and in all weather.
As shown in the rendering above, the Eye of Sautrito would provide 360-degree coverage of Bernal Hill in a secure and tamper-resistant facility perched high above our beloved hilltop.
Citizens of Bernalwood, let’s build this thing.
IMAGE: Illustration by Joe Thomas, via Craig Sakowitz
7 thoughts on ““Eye of Sautrito” Proposed to Halt Illegal Dumping on Bernal Hill”
I’ll bring my stapler and glue gun…
This would be an “if we build it, they won’t come” kind of thing.
I dunno. Might be good to include a squadron or two of Orcs.
Yesterday while husband & I were driving up Folsom to go to Bernal Supper Club, we were driving behind 3 trucks (the ones with the wood slats added on), full of junk, & no license plates (& probably no driver’s license, insurance). These kind of truck drivers are all over the Mission. We were almost tempted to follow at least one of them if they went up the hill. We would have called the police. They all turned turned down Army St so who knows where they dumped.
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