It’s a question that’s no doubt top-of-mind for every armchair sociologist in the neighborhood: Given our proximity to the Mission, to say nothing of our spiritual and aesthetic affinity to same, why doesn’t Bernal Heights have a higher concentration of hipsters?
My analysis suggests the answer lies squarely at the intersection of Fashion Boulevard and Topography Way. Specifically, the relative dearth of hipsters in Bernalwood can only be explained by the fact that riding around here on a fixie just plain sucks. In the hipster’s obligatory skinny jeans, it may even be impossible. Ergo, few hipsters.
Yet in the spirit of good relations, this is ripe fodder for a trans-neighborhood collaboration with our friends at MissionMission or Uptown Almanac.
My proposal is simple: Come springtime, let’s organize the first-ever Bernal Heights Hipster Hillclimb. Fixies and skinny jeans required. Come as you are: No pre-race urine testing to screen for ingestion of 4Loko. Racers start on Folsom at the corner of Cesar Chavez Boulevard. On your mark, get set, GO up up up up Folsom.
Halfway to the finish line on the Folsom Street Hipster Deterrent Barrier
First one to reach the gate at Bernal Heights Park wins a case of PBR.
Who’s in??
Photos: Top: Greg Speck. Bottom: Telstar Logistics. Illustration: Jesse Kulenski
Bernalwood 
I held that very race last year. Everyone got up the hill with absolutely no problem (for the interested, Chas of TCB Courier made it to the top of the hill first).
I’m in!
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I think the reason is that Bernal has mostly single family dwellings and a lot less apartments. There are way way more apartments in the Mission and hipsters hardly are homeowners.
I really hope you mean the further gate all the way around Bernal Heights Blvd…
That would make for a much better stage…
While that fixie diagram is 100% accurate, I would like to point out that its a blatant ripoff of what Rob Dobi has been doing for years at Your Scene Sucks. Check out http://www.dobi.nu/yourscenesucks/ and go to “fixed gear hipster” for the original. The commentary is gold!
Seagull Steve from the Ashtray lives in Bernal?
maternal heights sucks face it
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