This week, the New York Times reports that scientists believe global warming could cause up to three feet of sea-level rise by the year 2100.
With sea levels rising, we must look forward… many, many, many years forward, to envision a future in which the oceans have risen 200 feet and reclaimed much of San Francisco — except for Bernal Heights, which will enjoy many natural advantages as a post-urban island with wonderful beachfront real estate.
It may take centuries for Bernal to attain its island destiny. Yet whenever that future arrives, we, the residents of Bernal Heights, should ourselves be the architects and authors of our shared destiny. Which is why — aided by detailed maps of Bernal Isle created by La Lengua rebel leader Burrito Justice — Bernalwood has developed some conceptual mockups to demonstrate how we might leverage Bernal’s prime beachfront location overlooking Mission Gulf… for the benefit of posterity.
As you can see, the central element of our proposal is the development of the luxurious Bernalbleu Hotel and Resort near the site of present-day Folsom and Ripley Streets:
The northeast end of Bernal Isle will be the ideal location for a premium residential enclave, with convenient access to watercraft and prime views of San Francisco’s majestic Submerged Skyline. With its own on-demand ferry service, Prentiss Island just off Bernal’s South Shore could be an exclusive haven for a select group of high-value homeowners:
On the west side, the gated community of Hipster Vista will serve a younger clientele that prefers a more active lifestyle. The Cortlandia Shopping District will be a thriving retail corridor, with merchants specializing in the sale of fudge candies and resusable hemp-fiber shopping bags decorated in the local style. Localsonlyville will be where many year-round residents live, and it shall nurture the spiritual core of Bernal identity.
Of course, Bernalwood understands that change is difficult.
We also understand that dramatic change is even more difficult, especially when it comes in the form of 200′ sea level rise and the redevelopment of Bernal Heights as a Catalina-style island resort destination.
Yet change is coming — whether we like it or not. That’s why we propose to look change right in the eye, pour it a stiff drink, and give it a big, wet minty-fresh kiss. Let’s begin to prepare for tomorrow… today! All ideas are welcome.