A Proclamation for the Vassals of La Lengua: You Can Have It (and That Funny Name Too)

WHEREAS, our good friends and neighbors at Burrito Justice have sought emancipation from their longstanding (if nebulous) association with Bernal Heights, and the renaming of their territory as “La Lengua.”

WHEREAS, Burrito Justice asserts:

La Lengua is the flat, southern-most section of the Mission and is often miscategorized as Bernal “Heights” or Noe “Valley”.

It extends between 24th and 30th Streets, between Mission and Guerrero. It is named for its tongue-like appearance and preponderance of Latin American and Mexican eating establishments.

UPON CONSIDERATION of this, and in recognition of their unique (ie. flat, off-hill, and frankly less-glamorous) geography, we are inclined to look favorably upon La Lengua’s petition.

MOREOVER, we heartily approve of their choice of name, for reasons best expressed by Burrito Justice and their allies:

Some provocateurs have suggested the name should be SoCha. We disagree. Mission Mission reader Lou puts our disdain of FiSyNeCo (First Syllable Neighborhood Contraction) best:

La Lengua? Love it. That’s a great name for a neighborhood sub section. Better yet, it says “No, we’re not trying to be like NYC because this is San Franfuckingcisco and we don’t need to try to do anything, asshole” (in Spanish, of course).

We look favorably upon this logic as well.

WHEREAS, we must also acknowledge La Lengua’s imperialist tendencies and objectives:

The La Lengua Revolutionary Army (LaLeRa) recently expanded La Lengua’s northern border to 24th St, encompassing Pi Bar and Anthony’s Cookies.  We are considering pushing along San Jose onward to 23rd or even 22nd for angularity’s sake (and since no one else seems to be using it).

We shrug indifferently at this, particularly because La Lengua’s logic is sound and has no practical bearing upon the Hill People of Bernalwood, nor our Sovereign Dominion.

HOWEVER, at some point we will have to discuss certain Issues of Visitation and Potential Tourist Revenue stemming from the historic presence of the original José Cornelio Bernal homesite in what is now the La Lengua Autonomous Zone.

And so…

RESOLVED: We, the overlords of Bernalwood, do cede La Lengua to the denizens of same, and that funny name too. However, La Lenguans should be advised that as the overlords of Bernalwood, and being far more vain and glamorous, we shall in perpetuity claim La Lengua within our own Greater Sphere of Co-Prosperity and Influence, and that we shall retain certain Rights and Privileges regarding various Establishments contained within La Lengua, particularly as they pertain to eateries and gun shops along Mission Street, and the Liminal Area thereabouts.

Tremble and obey!

IMAGES: Map appropriated from Burrito Justice; Aerial photo by Telstar Logistics GeoSpatial Systems